I mentioned to my b/f the other morning how a friend of his druels and makes comments about other women so much maybe he shouldn't be in monog relationships and should just go to sex clubs. My b/f said "Don't lump me in with him. I don't let my dick rule my life." Later that night he called me and somehow we got onto the subject of affairs. He knows I go on this forum regularly. At one point he asked me "So what do people say on that forum about affairs?" "Why do you ask?" I said. "It's all very foreign to me" he said. "I've known friends who have gone to Vegas and picked up a call girl for the weekend but I can't imagine doing that." I said "Well I don't look into that part of the forum very often but I personally think affairs happen out of lack of communication. I've heard elsewhere that sometimes affairs end up helping a relationship too." "I'm glad to hear you say that" he said. "Why? And why are we talking about this?” I asked. “You brought it up this morning!” he said. "You said something about unfulfilled fantasies and people should work them out." I started to feel weird at this point and said “Well why don’t you go on the forum and find out for yourself.” “You know I never go online” he said. Things got pretty heated after that. At one point he kind of implied something about people going out and screwing around and then coming back to their SO. “I wasn’t implying to go out and do stuff while involved with someone.” I said “Oh” he said. I asked him what was really going on and asked if he was interested in someone else or thinking of having an affair. “What? Do you think I’m looking for your approval to cheat on you?? I was married for 15 years and never cheated on my wife! Doesn’t that say something?? Do you really think I would cheat on you?? I want an answer right now.. yes or no!” I told him no one can know for sure and wouldn’t answer him which pissed him off more. Then he said "What did we talk about in the beginning of this conversation? How much I love you and how they things we did this weekend are impressing me more and more that we are compatible. You know how you asked me the other day about things I don’t like about you? Well this is one of them." (what he would refer to as being jealous). I have been very touchy about the subject of other women because of things he's said in the past that haven’t made me feel very assured about the future of our relationship. I got pretty cynical and said "So when can we start cheating on each other? I did get asked out a few weeks ago." (which is true) He asked where I knew the guy from. I said it was a guy online. "I thought you weren't going on there anymore." "I don't," I said. "But I get emails automatically." I have told him before I don't take my profile down because he hasn't given me full assurance we have a future together so in case things don't work out I want to leave it up. A few hours later I noticed I had a message on my VM I missed. He had a ball game earlier that night and then went to the local bar in his town after. In his message he said "The game was great and we had a great time at _____'s after. Stayed out of trouble and I’m home now if you want to give me a call." He has never said anything like “stayed out of trouble” before. I don't know what is going on.
I'd tell you to seriously chill the fuck out. But I know exactly how horrible doubts are, and even the best of relationships are plagued by the thought of affairs at some point. You guys aren't even living together yet and don't sound like you've been dating for long - why are you going berserk on him now? Jealousy will screw up a relationship worse and faster than anything. One of you needs to take a chill pill, take the initiative and reassure the other partner. Also, what on earth are you doing picking up guys from the internet?? You're playing around with his head because of YOUR own insecurity. If you can't trust him now, DITCH him. If not you, please save the poor guy from further drama and don't waste his time.
