Well, since I started taking DS out for sun, he's becoming a bit of a local celeb amongst the 5-12 crowd. My husband made the mistake of teling them where we live and, for awhile, we would have gaggles of 8 year old girls knocking on our door up to 5 times an afternoon asking to play with Jimmy. I finally made a rule that they all had to come together ONCE a day. I also went around meeting all the parents, including the parents this post is about. Well, one of them I really took a shine to. She's hairbrained and clutzy and sweet, just like me at her age. Her family is from Jordan. She's SUPPOSED to have a 12 year old and 16 year old sister watching her but they OFTEN abandon her. One time as DH and I were running out the door she approached us in tears clutching her stomach. Her sister had gone to a friends and left her since 9 that morning. It was 4 in the evening and she hadn't eaten since breakfast!!! Her door was locked so she couldn't even get in to get food. So we bought her an egg roll and delivered her to the office of our complex so they could call her parents. Well yesterday I was walking the baby through the courtyards and she was tagging along as usual. She was sad becsause both her sisters were at the pool. They didn't feellike watching her so they made her stay out. She kept pushing her hair off her face and finally said, annoyed, she wanted to cut it off. So I told her to get a brush and hair tie (it's ALWAYS in knots) and I would braid it for her. So while I waited by her door she ran in to get the brush. As soon as she got in somebody started screaming at her. Five minutes later she pops her head out the door and says "Courtney I c" and before she can even finish she is YANKED back in the door and the door is slammed and I hear just out right SCREAMING at her! I left and called my husband nearly crying. She told me earlier that she had gotten in trouble for eating a bowl of instant cereal that morning. She was eating another bowl of it as we were walking so I suspect she befell her mothers wrath for disobeying on the cereal. WTF though, she just turned eight, they leave her to fend for herself, she's supposed to know how to cook a turkey dinner? She's gotta eat SOMETHING. This kid is as skinny as a rail, always alone and hungry. Now I find that she's mistreated too. I suspected as much. Last week she had a swollen arm. Her parents were supposed to take her to the hospital to make sure it wasn't broken when "they get home from work" and they never did! So I guess I'm asking everybody what do I do? DH said I can feed her a meal whenever she asks for one. Before we had been encouraging her to go home and eat, but we can see now thats not helping. And we don't want to get in trouble. It just sucks. She's the coolest kid, we would LOVE to have a daughter like that. We were the only ones cheering her on when she passed her swim test. I had to keep DH from going over there and fussing at the parents for neglect. What to do?
My god...Those types of people are the reason I used to fight so strongly for the right to choose. Did they even WANT her? But I'd almost seriously, if I were you, ask them if you could keep her. Adopt her even. But then, I'm one of those people that LOVES (and at the same time, HATES) to take in neglected children. It wrenches my heart in a million different ways. Seriously, just keep being there for her, both you and your husband. Be good examples of parents. Offer her kindness and love, activity and food. And maybe call Child Protective Services on her parents. Even if she isn't taken, she'll know good parenting through YOU and your husband. And maybe, look into fostering...
We so totally would take her! She's the greatest kid. In their culture, girls are not as valued as boys. She's the fourth girl, no boys. They were older when they had her. I suspect they just don't care anymore. So sad.
That poor girl She's so lucky to have such compassionate people in her life. Do agree with the others, hope you can find a solution.
What do I say? "Um, I noticed you don't give a crap about your daughter, I'll take her off your hands for you!"? That's kind of creepy. I guess we'll just feed her and watch out for her.
That's just so terribly sad. I don't understand why people like that even have children. Such a shame. And the ones who suffer are the children.
Rough situation... Be there for her as much as you can. Maybe you could "make up" a story about needed her to keep your child company sometimes and then her parents would think she was being "worthy" by "working." If you think she is being abused you might let a social service agency know. It's a tricky situation.
When I introduced myself to her father, he was kind of like, whatever. When I met her mother it was because Marahm came to my door one day randomly in her swimsuit and towel and said her mom told her I could take her to the pool if she wanted. (Without even asking me, the woman never even met me!) So I figured I'd better meet her. She had a sheepish look on her face and made up some excuse as to why she was too busy to take her herself. So, in a way they are giving me some responsibility over her. It's just alarming to me that they don't keep closer tabs on her! The child is alone so often she has major fear issues. She's always telling me she's afraid someone is going to steal her. She's a bit of a hypochondriac too, probably for attention. She wets her bed. When she does have food half the time it's a can of corn or some other veg. They open it and stick a spoon in it and give it to her. The rest of the time it's ordered pizza or a happy meal picked up on the way home from work. Sometimes she says she wishes Steve and I were her parents and she could be Jimmy's big sister. I think I'm gonna go cry now....
I love nightwriter's suggstion, something easily made up and if you do it for real then you can't get into any trouble from anyone....cause that would be my biggest caution to be careful because girls of this age are often beginning to find themselves and their place in the world and you have to make sure that everything is safe and above board. Do stuff with her but do it with others around. Also the thing you said about your DH saying you could give her meals, well go for it, if she eats them she's hungry, great idea! If she is in an abusive situation then it is possible that the best thing you can do is just to be there for her. good luck!
Sounds to be that the little girl is being neglected and abused if i were you i would call child protective services and social services (same thing i think?). Until then keep a close tab on her and keep a log on what her parents have been giving her to eat then what you have been feeding her plus write a short paragraph of the day she has had and if she has a new injury photograph it and make a note and let her parents know of the injury and see if they will take care of it and if not make note of that. Just take note of every little detail make sure that you write all of this in front of another adult ( your husband or the little girls sisters or the manager at your apartments) and have them signe the bottom of the page and make sure to date it. I know that this log comes in very handy i did this with my stepfather i would write down what he had done to me photgraph the injuries and have my mother sign the page and finally i called the police when he he hit my baby sister (she was only a couple months) cuz she wouldnt stop crying and i gave them the log and he was pretty much fucked after that but my mom dropped the charges.
We had a set of sisters in our neigborhood with similar situations. The mother was in bed, with her new baby (she told my kids that a new mother has to stay in bed, with the baby for 6 months or both of them will die, when my kids said, "My mom got up and neither she nor Lennon died." The "mother" said "They were VERY lucky." These two little girls were always hungry, yet had expensive clothes, despite the fact that the mother got what food they had at the food pantry (a public aid free food station.) The kids, in the summer, were kicked out of the house at 7:00 AM and not allowed home until 6:00 PM, where they supposedly had dinner and then were sent out until after dark again. These kids had nowhere to go to the bathroom, save my house and an other neighbor, and nowhere to get a DRINK of water, if we were't home. I finally called DSFS (Child Protective Services in our state) I first got a jerk, who told me that aside from the food begging "there is no law against being a crappy parent, all they have to do is to provide two meals a day, lunch isn't one of them." I also told him that one of the girls showed signs of being sexually abused (she told me her step dad like to play "let's get undressed" after her mother was asleep.) and the DCFS call worker said "Do you have proof of this?" Yeah, the dude did it in front of me. But, he did tell me that if the kids were out in bad weather, something might be done. so the next time it rained those kids were out, walking in the pouring rain. I let them in, and asked then if they were hungry, and they said "We are't allowed to take food from people any more." Nice, DCFS must have visited, so instead of CARING for her kids, she just made sure the one thing she could get busted for wouldnt' happen. I MADE the kid take the sandwhiches, and called DSFS again, after they left. I found out that at least 3 other neighbors had also called. Iheard the mother was then threatened with her Public Aid and Food Stamps being retracted if she didn't take parenting classes from them. And as at least 4 people called, she was pretty much in a place of not having anyone to blame. Her kids are my older kid's ages now (20 and 17) and have had problems with pregnancies, drugs, running away, sexual promiscuity ect, most of it starting before they were even in their teens. They moved out of our neighbor hood soon after this event. My girls went to school with them, and the older one (the one the step dad seemed to be going after) was withdrawn and depressed. God only knows what will happen to them. The older one has left home and has a child of her own, the younger just graduated, and will "have to" leave home soon. I'd call Protecive Services. The police will only intervene in immediate danger situations, say you are hearing a beating right now. Child Protective Services may be able to help. Chances are, unless they are keeping her in a cage, she won't be taken from the home. EVen if she is, they RARELY give the child to people who know the family, who are not related. I feel terrible for this little girl, but she will probably really difficult to handle very soon, and you have Jimmy to think about. Let the Services deal with it.
I'm really sorry to hear this... I would say keep being this girl's friend right now; she really needs one by the sounds of it. But also call CPS...yeah, I've watched them repeatedly not do anything in the past, but it's worth a try.
