how do i get over it

i cant seem to get over my ex. all i do is sit here and wait for that phone call for him to say that hes sorry and to come back home .and its been almost 9 months.im too the point where i tell him that he cant see the kids anymore because i cant stand to see him it hurts way to much. he dont take care of his kids anyway but i never wanted to keep him from them but i cant do it he leaves and all i do is cryi just dont understand what happend how he can let go so easy after 4 years. i guess i need to try to get over it but everytime i try i just keep hoping and convincing myself that he will come back. how do i get over this i cant take anymore it hurts too bad i miss him so much. i just want him back is there anything i can do to try and get him back please help me

 

If hi really means that much to you try talking to him, tell him how you feel, you have nothing to loose.

 

yeah i tyed that and he told me that he never said that we would never be together again i dont know what he is doing we were together for almost 4 years do u think that maybe he just wants a break ?

 

I agree try talking to him again, tell him that you are confused and what to know where you stand and for him to be honest.

Good luck

 

i am really affraid of what he will say is that normal?

 

ofcourse it's normal
but i have to tell you one thing, I'm in a relationship right now, and it's begining to ger serious, but the thing is that this boy made me realise that i have to fight to get what i want

 

ok marja what do u think i should do? im a beliver in fighting for what u want as well but i have tryed everything i can thing of can u give me some pointers thanx a bunch

 

Sadly, you can't make someone love you. Be cautious about not letting him see the kids. If he is making the effort encourage it. There are far too many dads who just let their kids fade out of their lives and that hurts all.

Part of being a good mother is doing what is best for your children even if it is uncomfortable for you. (Starts with pregnancy and doesn't end even when they move out.)

I'd focus now on being a mommy and see what happens as time passes.

 

Yeah I agree also in focusing on the kids and letting him see them. Denying him that opportunity will only make him resent you and then you'll have no chance at getting back if you continue not allowing him to see them.

 

even if he doesent help with them at all? he doesent help with diapers or anything and he only comes to see them like once a week and i think that hurts my kids more .am i wrong? i mean he doesent do anything all he doese is sit at home. he doesent offer to help with them at all.just like a week ago he asked if i would take him to the pawn shop so he can pawn something and he got 40 dollers and i told him that the baby needs diapers and he said ok i never saw any diapers or any money. nothing. he spends his money on weed. and my daughter loves it when hes here to see her but as soon as he leaves she cries and it breaks my heart to see her go through that. but do u think i should still let him see them even if he doesent help with anything ?

 

Once a week is much better than once a year.
And his presence is obviously comforting to his daughter if she loves it when he is there. He is also much more likely to come through with the money for necessities if he has a relationship with his child.

Some men don't know how to be fathers. It can take them longer to learn. We moms have had to learn quickly over the centuries or the species would have died out!

Plus if at some point he goes to court and the court order him to have visitation (a couple of weekends a month) it would be VERY traumatic for your daughter to go with someone who is a virtual stranger as opposed to a dad she knew came to see her each week.

It would be great if he would help, but it is still good that he makes an actually effort to come see them on a weekly basis. (Are there two kids?)

And I know it is hard when they cry when he leaves. When my youngest daughter was 7 she summed it up well, "When I"m with daddy I miss you mommy and when I'm with you I miss daddy. I"m always missing someone."

That's the price we force our kids to pay when we don't stay together as parents. A piece of their heart is always missing. I don't regret my divorce for a minute, but I do regret the pain it caused my three kids. (Even though I know the pain if we had stayed together would have been much greater.)

 

*sighs*

Ok look,it's posts like this that make women (and men) look like psychos. When they can't take a hint. Seriously,listen to yourself!

It really is unfortunate that there are children involved but take away the kids & you still have someone sitting around waiting on the phone to ring.

Nine months? Are you kidding me? Even me,letting go of someone has never been easy for me but,nine months dear? Please do yourself a favor & move on. You have no idea how much satisfaction he is getting just from knowing that you're waiting on him.

 

From what you said, honey, you should move on. Love yourself and your kids enough to let him go. It is not healthy for you and I'm sure it puts a strain on your children. do what's best for you, even if that may not be the choice you would like.

peace and love

 

Yeah,like nine more months!!!

 

Its not about how much he helps. Its about your daughter visiting with him. Does she want to see him? Child visitation is not a reward for the father, it is helping the child see her father.

By the way, if he is such a useless creep, why do you want him? Don't you deserve better?

If you reply, "I can't help it, I love him." I would respond that the "make him fall in love with me" techniques you seem to be asking for be used to make yourself fall out of love with him.

 

well i do love him and believe that one day he will grow up and see what he lost. he just turned 20 so he will grow up. maybe im just pushing him to hard i dont know but i would do anything i can to get him back. i just dont know how to do that. im the kinda person that never gives up on something that i want. and i wont give up. i talked to him today and took all of ur advice and told him that i will let him see the kids. and he went out and baught some things that the kids need wich shocked the hell out of me. so maybe me being a little more passive and acting like i dont care anymore will bring him back. also yes it has been 8 months but i was still sleeping with him after we broke up i know iknow stupid. but i dont know so he really hasent had any time to actually miss me yet because i was giving him everything that i would if we were together i dont blame him now. i blame myself for him being gone so long. but now i know not to sleep with him anymore. and maybe once thats been going on for a while he will relize what he left and come home to his family. what do u think am i right or not?

 

I think you are a 19 year old woman who is trying to raise a young child. Trying to "raise" that child's father at the same time is more than you can achieve. You see and love the man he could be and this blinds you to the man he is.


I hope I'm wrong.

 

i agree with nightwriter on this one

 

I'm glad he was responsible enough today to buy the kids some of the stuff he needs! That's a good thing.

Its hard when you love someone not to have sex with them. There's probably a part of you that figures you'll settle for what you can get. I don't know what to tell you on this one.... if you keep sleeping with him is that stopping him from sleeping with someone else... or if you quit sleeping with him will that give him the chance to see what he is missing by being without you. I just don't know.

But back to the dad thing.. he did well today.

 

i was really happy when he braught the stuff over i think its good maybe hes goign to start comming around more even if its not for me but for the kids