I have been thinking about being a surrogate mother I just read an ad for a couple taht needs a surrogate mother and i thought hey im young and i have a steady life i should give it a go. I first have to talk it over with shane and see how he feels about it. I just wanted to get some opinions and what not. thanx a bunch.
that's a wonderful thing to do for someone You probably have already thought of this, but remember that pregnancy does a number on your body. Overall, if you think that you would have a healthy pregnancy, and hubby is ok with it, then go for it
Personally, I could never do it. If you want to know why, you can ask me, but I don't want to sway your personal ideals. But, if you feel like it is something that you could handle doing, then I say go for it...
No offense meant, FF, but unless your circumstances have changed since the last time I saw posts of yours in reference to your husband, I don't think you're in quite the stable environment. In fact, your descriptions of Shane often trigger this verbal/mental abuse red flag in my head... I don't mean to offend, because I think you rock. And you are such a good momma to your little boy and it shows...But I don't think surrogacy in your situation would be a very good idea.
ditto Freek what if the couple wants to decide when, how, and where you give birth? What if they want you to have a cesarean just so baby is born before NewYears, or some other f'ed up reason? What if they tell you what you can and cannot do with your own body while you are incubating their fertilized egg? And what if, after carrying the baby and giving birth to it, you don't want to give it away? Even if you had a great pregnancy the last time, there's no guarantee you won't be puking brains all night long for the first three months, or any one of a number of other complications that might occur. And just how much is 40 weeks worth of work, 24/7, worth (monetarily)?
Or what if they decide they DON'T want the baby? Are you Ok with another baby right now? What if you get pregnant with twins and they only want one?
Besides all those other obvious reasons all the others have stated. Your Dr. will put you on massive doses of drugs. Fertilitity drugs. Series of Pap smears, Series of this and that. So if and when the time came, when the fertilized egg were to be placed in you...Your body may reject it. That is why lots of times the surrogate mom will undergo a lot of expensive and invasive procedures. As long as you were comfortable and ready for all of this, and giving the baby away...that really is technically not yours. Lots of pros and cons for you to jot down and seriously think about! Good Luck
Thanx everyone for you input i just have to think about all of the what ifs and. I was thinking of being a surrogate mom in the future (maybe in a couple months or so) i know that right now is not the perfect time in my life to deal with a situation that is so complicated. and freek i take no offense all the things you said are true and to be honest i am working up the courage to tell shane that we need couple therapy. I am definitely not ready for my doctor to poke and prod me and fill me drugs hell i am still nursing my aiden that could be a big problem. so again it was just a thought and i appreciate all your comments. thanx FF
Surrogacy scares me on so many levels. Definitely don't do it without a lawyer involved. I have heard horror stories where the biologicial parents forced cesaerians, amniocentises, they forced the surrogate to comply with IVs and constant monitorings during the labor, they dictated diet and activity level. I have heard of nursing mothers ordered to stop breastfeeding because the bio-parent heard that breastfeeding could induce miscarriage or labor. So many scary stories. It's like they don't understand or appreciate the gift that someone else is giving them. It's selfishness at it's finast. Make sure you definitely remind them that your own family and children come first even if that means possible miscarriage because of something that happens. If they can't handle that then they need to get over it or get bent.
wow, I didn't realize all the horrible things that can go along with this...everything I have ever seen has been happy stories. It's kinda sad.
oh wow i didnt think of all that i am definetly going to wait and see if i still want to be a surrogate i am still breastfeeding andi will not stop unless my son wants too.
I agree with what everbody else said. The chance of having a non Interventionist Birth with a surrogate birth is basically nil. I;ve heard of surrogate moms being forced to have regular drug tests, and of couse, you cannot have sex with your own partner when you are having the fertility treatment, or you will get pregnant with your dh's baby, not "theirs." Also, like Otter said, people often demand a C Section, because they want a certain birthday, or someone tells them it is "safer for the baby." It would be horrible if you had a damaged uterus from someone else's pregnancy. I have had two clients (neither of them surrogates) who have had severe bleeding, and had to have hystoretomies. At least if it were YOUR baby, you'd have the baby, but if the baby is someone else's........ugh. Then, if there is something "wrong" with the baby, what if THEY want to abort? Or the problem isn't known until after the birth and their either blame you, or refuse the baby? I can't imagine this would be at ALL good for an already on the rocks relationship. Even strong marraiges disintegrate under the stress of these things. There also isn't a fertility specialist in the world who will let a lactating mom become a surrogate, not to mention that the meds they give you will most likely have a negative impact on your milk. I'd really think on this.........and then say no. There are few people who are cut out to gestate for others. I am. like everybody else, not trying to make you feel bad. But, like the others can't imagine this ending well. Nurse your baby and worry about this a LOT later.
i plan on doing so maggie sugar i was just thinking about it maybe for in the far future maybe not at all.
I registered to view this message board for a UK surrogacy site...and it said "registering is easy and free"..so I did. Here's the email I got from the registering server....Yeah..easy and free. ------------------------------------------------------ Please read the whole of this email, it contains questions which require responses Dear message board applicant Please respond to this email by forwarding it to the address from which it was sent (i.e. Jo@surrogacyuk.org) This will enable you to reply beside each question in underlined red, which will facilitate processing. Please respond to this email within 7 days. If you are unable to do so your application will be deleted automatically. You will of course, be welcome to re-apply. Without receiving responses to the questions below, we are unable to process your application and access to the message board will not be granted. Surrogacy UK was first established in October 2002 and has become a thriving community of intended parents and surrogate mothers. Surrogacy UK's interest and area of expertise is to educate those who wish to pursue surrogacy by providing up to date information and support relevant to the United Kingdom. Until the establishment of Surrogacy UK, there were very few ways of obtaining information or support from others in the same position, other than accessing American websites, whose information is not wholly relevant to British surrogates or intended parents. Basic message board access is available to most UK residents having completed a board application and answered some simple questions which enable Surrogacy UK to tailor access to fit the user and which ensure that the applicant complies with the laws surrounding surrogacy in the United Kingdom. Please note use of an email address as a username is in breach of surrogacy laws and therefore if you have used an email address as a username your application will have been automatically deleted. Please re-apply choosing a different username before responding to any emails. Intended Parents only Intended parents should have exhausted all methods of trying to conceive prior to investigating surrogacy as an option to overcome their difficulties. Surrogacy UK in no way supports or condones "social surrogacy". Intended parent board users must be eligible to apply for a parental order. In order to apply for a parental order the intended parents must meet the following criteria: 1. are over 18 years of age 2. married to one another 3. at least one of the intended parents is genetically related to the child 4. are domiciled in the UK Please confirm that if you are a potential Intended Parent you do meet the legal requirements of surrogacy within the United Kingdom yes/no (delete as applicable) (a) Are you: an experienced intended parent yes/no (do you already have children born via surrogacy?) a potential intended parent yes/no (would you like to join the boards having had no previous experience of surrogacy?) Surrogates only Surrogate board users must be domicile within the United Kingdom and over 18 years of age, preferably with children of their own. Please confirm that if you are a potential Surrogate that you do meet the requirements of Surrogacy UK yes/no (delete as applicable) (b) Are you: an experienced surrogate mother yes/no (have you previously given birth to a surrogate child?) a potential surrogate mother yes/no (would you like to join the boards having had no previous experience of surrogacy?) All respondents (c) Do you live in the United Kingdom? yes/no (delete as applicable) (d) In which town in the UK do you live? answer (enter the town in which you live) (e) In which town in the UK do you work? answer (enter the town in which you live) (f) Are you: a student researching the subject as part of a course yes/no (delete as applicable) If so which subject are you studying and in what way does surrogacy have a bearing on the subject? answer (g) Are you: a journalist yes/no (delete as applicable) If so, by which newspaper, TV company or programme are you currently employed and what is the nature of your interest in surrogacy? answer As a journalist would you prefer to speak to one of the Founders in order to obtain an "expert" opinion? yes/no (delete as applicable) Full membership of Surrogacy UK is only available to those who have undergone criminal records checks, various health checks, and have met with experienced mediators for comprehensive information sessions. Full details of membership is available at http://www.surrogacyuk.org/joining.htm Surrogacy UK hopes to achieve charitable status in order to obtain a higher profile for the issues surrounding surrogacy such as compulsory DNA testing of babies born as a result of a surrogacy arrangement and maternity rights for intended mothers. Yours sincerely Jo@surrogacyuk.org for and on behalf of the Surrogacy UK Executive Committee Confidentiality:- All emails mails and attachments are intended solely for the name recipient or recipients only and may be confidential and/or legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient you must not reproduce, disseminate, copy, disclose, modify, distribute and/or publish in any form or take action, or not take action, in reliance upon this emails mail or its attachments which is prohibited and may be unlawful. Instead please reply to the author of this emails mail immediately, highlighting the error and delete this emails mail and any associated attachments from your computer system. Copyright:- The copyright of this document is owned by SURROGACY UK. All rights are reserved and no permission is granted to reproduce, copy or publish this document in whole or part by any mechanical or electronic means. Authorship:- Any views or opinions present in this emails mail or associated attachments are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of SURROGACY UK or any of its members.
