Ok I need help. My boyfriend of 10 months basically broke up with me and I can't get over it. I know, I know. I've heard it a billion and a half times, too and I can't believe I'm actually admitting it. This is the first guy that I can't get over and it has been almost three months since he ended things. He wanted us to see other people and I felt hurt (even though when we previously spoke about it, which was a couple months before, I was totally fine with the idea). He was actually already seeing someone else BEFORE we officially broke up! I want him back! But I feel that by wanting him back, I feel stupid because he obviously doesn't want to be with me. Without realizing it, I guess my feelings for him grew stronger just as his feelings for me (i'm assuming) were diminishing. I'm scared and I can't reiterate enough how STUPID I feel. I know the situation is different for everyone, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to get over someone? I'm having a really difficult time and i think about him every single day. (I really try not to. But i can't help it.) I feel desperate and this is actually the first time I'm admitting any of this (thru hipforums!)
Try picking up a new hobby. Or reading a new book. Basically, the minds needs constant stimulation. And if you're not giving it something new to think about, it will go back and repeat the old thoughts over and over again. Like a broken record. Maybe take up exercising. Whatever you can do just to keep your mind off it. But you must do something...otherwise, it won't get better. And don't think your stupid. This happens to everyone at least once in life, if not more.
Dammit why does everyone who someone nice falls in love with turn out to be a bitch or a bastard? I might not be coming from the most reliable of sources (see my thread in the relationships forum) but it isn't stupid to feel like that, it's natural. Your heart feels like WTF just happened, your head tells you to just say fuck it and go on without him/her. There seems to be some wierd law of relationships, the more one person loves the less another does. It has taken me a long frikking time to realise it but sometimes the old motto of cut 'em off dead rings true. It isn't stupid to feel like you feel, but you are giving him the power and the strength to go on with a cocky smile knowing that there is a chick out there who will still want him even if he comes back to you with 15 other chicks panties sticking outa his coat pocket. I don't know how he acted to you or anything but as much as it hurts you gotta just embrace the feelings you have, acknowledge that yeah you might still want him back but you got the goods to do everything on your own and concentrate more on what your next move without him will be. Dammit I wish I could take my own advice. Note to self: read my own advice before I do anything else that I find is completely stupid thinking that I can win her heart back.
I agree with the first poster who giave you advice. Try getting absorbed in a book, heaps of good movies, or taking up a new hobby, or reseerecting an old one. Go out with your girlfriends, anything to take your mind off him. Stimulate it by doing other things. Hope that helps a little. Good luck
You have two options as I see it. You can either talk to him and see if you can work something out. Get closure or even get back together. Or, do as said previously and do ANYTHING ELSE that will get you mind off of the subject!
Dariah, I don't know how you're going to take this, but the first thing that struck me reading your post was lack of self-esteem. That doesn't make you abnormal, but normal. Especially for women. Getting obsessed with someone who does not want you isn't the healthiest of feelings, agreed? You feel stupid because you realize that. Aside from getting into other things and people, I'd examine what it is that makes you desperate. It isn't him. He simply assuages whatever psychological distress you may have beneath the surface. Again, we all go through this, so good luck and let us know if you feel better.
Perfect title, for a perfect section of the forums. But you will be alright and get over it. There could even be a chance he comes back to you and apologize about everything, will you take him back?
Do things that are going to benefit you, not things that are going to win him back. And sometimes trying to take your mind off of it just won't work because you aren't doing these things for the right reasons. For example, when jer and I broke up years ago for about 2 months, at first I wanted to be with him so even though I went out with my friends and I did other things and met other people, I still never stopped thinking about jer because I was doing all of this to "get over him". But soon I realized I still have to live my life for myself. If he isn't in it, my life still has to go on. So why be miserable about it? So I started doing things that I was interested in like taking a history class at the university and trying yoga and things to help me become a better me for my benefit, not because I was getting over him. Does this even make sense? Sometimes I don't. Soon after I started doing for me and taking care of myself I started to seriously forget about him. Then he wanted me back.
First of all, you are not alone. You're lucky to be experiencing this just for the first time. I've scared away 3 of 6 boyfriends, pushed my luck with the 4th, and thank my lucky stars every single day that my spazzes are few and far between anymore and my boyfriend doesn't flip out because my obsessive tendencies are about equal to his bipolar disorder. But everytime I freak out, and feel like I need him and start panicking, I feel really stupid, really ashamed, and pretty much hate how I am. I don't like being a needy person, it makes me feel like an invalid. Since you said you just recently started feeling this way, I highly doubt you're a fraction of as bad as I am, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone, and it's not your fault that you feel like that. When my last ex broke up with me absolutely unexpectedly February last year, it tore me into pieces. I had built it up so much and it was such a heated relationship...it's strange how one can so easily mistake lust for love in moments like that. I loved him, he claimed to love me, but anyway, being as short of a relationship as it was (6 weeks), it crushed me. I had loved him for a year prior to that. But I respected his wishes of rare contact. I got involved in a very time-consuming play that ended up going all the way to regionals (competition right before state). I had no time to worry about him, I was managing a play. Time passed by, and I found new love completely out of the blue. Honestly...it helped so much to get involved with something incredibly time-consuming, and the rest of my time was occupied by friends. And do not let anyone set a specific amount of time when you should be over him. It takes time for everyone to heal. If you need someone to talk to about it, PM me. I've been there, I may be just 19, but it's nice to have an outlet and someone who will listen, when no one else will. Especially when that someone understands where you're coming from. Talk about it, get it out, write a journal, write poetry, even if it's bad, just do what you can to get him out of your system. And let your heart heal. Don't try to get him back, no matter how bad you want it, you need to let yourself find peace before you give him another chance.
Thanks all. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I am taking your advice and opening my mind a little more! I have actually felt a lot better after posting this thread. It was a lot of built up tension that I finally expressed! Thanks to you guys. I'm getting over my relationship. I guess I have come to realize my other previous relationships have been jokes compared to the strong feelings I've had for my recent ex. Again, thanks!
