Love is a crippling, degenerative disease.

You've probably all heard me talk about my boyfriend who lives in Maine (I usually refer to him as "the boy"). We met at college here in New York, so I've had to deal with long breaks away from school and away from him while he goes home for weeks, sometimes months at a time.
I thought that was hell...
He called me last night and told me that he wasn't going to be coming back. It seems his GPA was just a little too low from last year and so the school revoked what little financial aid he had (being an out-of-state student, that wasn't much). There is now no possible way for him to pay his expenses. He has decided to go to a community college in Maine.
I am fucked. I don't want to get up, I don't want to move. My body feels like lead. I have to go to work today, in a lab, where I can't afford to be distracted and make mistakes. It's a fucking internship, and it will be over in a week, so I can't call in. I have shit to do before I go in at 1, but I just don't have it in me...
It's hilarious, really. I spent my entire life (well, I'm only 18, so what's that anyway?) avoiding long-distance relationships like the plague. It's one of the reasons I broke up with my last boyfriend- I was going to college and he wasn't. I just didn't think I could do it. And I'm wondering now if I can.
What do I do, now? As it was before, I only got to see him about 7 months out of the year. As it is now, I'm only going to see him for a few days a month in the summer, if I'm lucky, and never during the school year.
I am going to lose my mind.
So, my question is, for all of you who've been doing long-distance all along, what the hell do I do?? What do I do when I wake up in the middle of the night, crying? What do I do when I can't stop crying for days after he leaves? What do I do when I don't want anyone near me, to comfort me and no one will leave me the hell alone and let me mope? What do I do when I can't just paint a smile on my face and say everything is okay anymore? What do I do when I am hopelessly attached to someone who is so far away for so long?
I haven't the first idea where to start. It's so hard... Hardest thing I've ever done...

 

It is hard, damn hard and few people make it work - there is always the thought of mistrust, of expense, of what-if, the loneliness and everything.

I dealt with my end of my long distance relationship by just working. working from 4am till 7pm, sleeping, internet and the phone, kicking in jobs for months at a time after saving up, to spend months seeing the woman i loved.

we kinda dealt with life like that for about 3 years, and i hope this doesn't happen to you, but i found out that this chic had decided to not wait, but enjoyed having me waiting for her. i only found out after i moved there permanently.

my advice to you is to take it easy - call each other, talk to each other whenever you can 4 sure, but you have to have some sort of deal where if the other person can't bear it or finds someone else to be honest with you or you with them. its unromantic but its the only way to deal with a long distance relationship - complete honesty and trust.

throw yourself into work and study - you'll have more time for it, and earn more money - money you can either use to see each other or to just keep yourself set up.

 

Thanks, Tipo. That's a pretty sad story. You seem really dedicated. Some people...

Yeah, I don't think he's going to do anything like that. He's wicked moral... sometimes to the point of creepiness, lol. But then, I've been naive before...
So, basically, what you're telling me is, keep doing what I'm doing and it's just gonna suck till we see each other again? Okay.
It is worth it I suppose.
*le sigh*
Maybe I'll take up astral projection and surprise him some lonely night...

 

it does suck. big time.but don't be scared off by my story, it is just something that constantly plays on my mind, and i talk too much about it. but it will have a reason for turning out that way someday.

if you both know its gonna work out and you both stick to it then you can make it work.

find little ways of always surprising each other with gifts or flowers or letters - radio show messages whatever. it'll break the heart ache to always have something like that for the low moments.

 

Oh, don't worry, you haven't made me paranoid.
I understand what it's like to be cheated on, but not when I was so emotionally invested, so I'm sure it was traumatizing.
Funny story: I had picked out an 'I Miss You' card, not too sappy, not too corny, not too cute. I put it on my coffee table one day and my cat threw up on it. So much for that...

 

cat sick - the perfect way to say i love you.

 

It's going to be sad to hear, but...

I think it's time to move on. If he REALLY wanted to be with you he would have went to a community college in New York near you. He could have found a job and went part time...he could have took a year off and saved up enough money to go back to the college he was going to before.

There are ways he could have made it work...did you two even talk it over before he decided just to go to CC in Maine? Is he feeling the same way as you are?

The situation needs to be assessed and communication is important.

ANd always remember: you're still young...don't commit yourself to something RIGHT NOW...you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

I am in a distance relationship with a girl in France. It is very tough. I always feel helpless when she has a tough day or cries a lot. Yah, I can comfort her for the hour or two we talk 5-6 times a week..but there are so many hour that fill the day where we are both on our own. at some point you need to just trust and be honest..if either one of those is lacking, it will be magnified very soon. distance has a way of intensifying what would normally be a small problem. No trouble yet, we love each other, our hearts have grown fonder and she is coming august 27..and I am going there dec. 26..but how long can we keep it up? I would hate to break up because we are poor college kids. I need freakin funding..

as dancer annie says, he could make it work..however, I am caught in the same dileama? how do i make it work? where we can be together? she is 7000 miles away, seperated by an ocean..a different language and currency..sometimes its simple things like money that cloud the future..ughh

 

I am convinced that if the two of you really wanted to make it work...I mean...REALLY wanted to make it work, you could. Even if that means sacrificing things...putting off school for a year, or selling your car, or working fulltime instead of part time. It can be done...sure it takes a bit of courage to drop everything and move...sure it can put your "life plan" on hold for a bit...but if you TRUELY love someone, it can work. Look at tigerlily and dangermoose...one lived in Texas, the other in Canada...and they are living together now. It was hard at first, but they wanted it bad enough and they took the leap. It just takes courage and strength...and with that...you can do anything

 

well texas and canada is a lot easier than france and america.

 

Not necessarily, you're still talking about international issues. I don't know the visa stuff as far as France goes, but you can at least start getting that underway.

It's simpler than you think...just depends on how badly you want it and what you're willing to sacrifice.

 

sure it can be done.

that dones't make it worth it. at all.