So you are gay...

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by zeppelin kid, Jul 19, 2006.

  1. zeppelin kid

    zeppelin kid Member

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    If you get hard from guys. But say you can't get hard off of men then that would mean you aren't gay, right. Is that the way it works?
     
  2. mushie18

    mushie18 Intergalactic

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    i don't really understand what you're asking.

    i have a physical/emotional attraction to men.
     
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  3. hipunk

    hipunk Member

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    Not sure if I understand your question either.

    Sexual response can be learned. Usually the way we respond is inborn, but you can learn to respond in a certain way or learn to find certain things sexy. For instance, in many aboriginal societies women's breasts are for feeding babies. They consider the western sexual fixation on boobies weird, like a fixation on diapers.

    The pressure to be straight can make some gay men feel stimulated by women, even if the actual sex is uninspiring or dreadful. The same can be said of straight men who may be stimulated by the idea of having sex with men just because it's forbidden. Just because you pop a boner at a certain response doesn't always mean that you are gay or straight. A vibrating seat on a bus can give you a boner, that doesn't mean you're into buses.

    If you are unable to get off, or ejaculate, with a man -that doesn't mean your gay or straight either. Because of the stigma or pressure to perform, some men may find it hard to climax even though they can maintain an erection during sex. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay or straight. It could indicate you have anxiety over the situation, and may want to take it easy. Learn to develop a more relaxed attitude about sex. It isn't uncommon for young men to have these types of reactions, it's like being unable to maintain an erection once you crawl into bed with someone.

    However, if you're asking that if you get all hot and bothered by a dude, and you have sex with him but you don't ever actually cum -if you stop before you cum, well then, are you gay? That sounds like the kind of bargain folks make to relieve guilt, like a blow-job isn't cheating on your wife. That sounds like denial. Like I said, just because you don't cum doesn't make you gay or straight, but if you're trying to strike a bargain, well, that just sounds gay.

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  4. zeppelin kid

    zeppelin kid Member

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    What I am saying is that if you get hard to a female does that mean you are sexually attracted to her. Or does that mean you are just getting hard?
     
  5. New Guy

    New Guy Member

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    sometimes u can just get hard for no reason or maybe while ur looking at a particular person ur thinking somthing else or about someone else ;)
     
  6. zeppelin kid

    zeppelin kid Member

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    Well, isn't that how you can tell if you are gay if you get hard to men and only men? How else would you figure that out.
     
  7. Lanze

    Lanze Member

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    thats one way but its more than that at least for me, I love their bodies and I dislike girls bodies, but I also love the person inside the body it isnt always about their looks, I have fallen in love with people who only looked average because of their personality which made them super hot to me. I have also thought some guys were really hot but then i realized they were assholes and because of that they wernt as good looking to me or as attractive.
     
  8. Aesthete

    Aesthete Member

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    It means only itself; the "getting hard" could happen independent of attraction. Go back and read the part of hipunk's post where he talks about learned sexual responses.

    I garnered from your OP that you were asking if sexual attraction to guys (these presumably of your age level) not to men (of an older age) would still qualify you for a homosexual orientation. If this is what you were asking, I'll answer that definitions vary from person to person. For instance, some would consider you bi if you were to have sex with a male despite being attracted only to females. I don't see any worth in this definition; it's quite arbitrary. I don't think those would make an exception for your case. But that's beside the point. Most definitions of homosexuality consider it to be capacity for emotional and physical attraction to members of the same sex. Same with heterosexuality. One fulfilling both heterosexual and homosexual definitions would be a bisexual. One fulfilling neither would be an asexual. By all definitions, you would be considered gay.

    To put this in perspective imagine being 10-years-old or so. You may be experiencing your first inklings of sexual attraction to your peers. And these attractions are true ones. But when you grow five years older, you no longer find kids of that age attractive. Looking at the same person's picture, you'd prefer it to be in that person's current manifestation, not the younger one. Most people's attraction is like a bell-curve, with their age having the greatest capacity for attraction to them. You'll find exceptions, of course, but this is the general rule. As you grow older you may find some people attractive whom you weren't attracted to years younger. Emotional attraction is also conducive to physical attraction.

    If that was what you intended to say, then, yes, that one would be gay assuming all attractions aren't learned somehow.
     
  9. zeppelin kid

    zeppelin kid Member

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    I understand what your saying but I believe you are making things way too complicated. Because a lot of gay people that I know and I've heard say that the number one way they just knew they were gay is because they didn't get hard to women.
     
  10. Aesthete

    Aesthete Member

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    "Getting hard" as a means of determining sexuality is an oversimplification. Lack of it felt toward women can be indicative of either homosexuality or asexuality. You cannot deduce that you aren't attracted to women with the cases in which you haven't been hard to them. You also cannot deduce that you aren't a homosexual if a sudden, unexplained attraction to a women induces an erection. You have to search for the answers inside of yourself to uncover your true sexuality. Introspection, man. Sexual orientation is desire for.
     

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