I’ll detach you from my shards of flesh And strike the iron to shatter the glass That runs in your blood. The seeds of love mesh With the roots of disbelief and a crass Vision of reality (There are more Than a million versions, but only one Original). When the wind removes your Hair and eyes, you will finally become Recognizable. Cover the bullet train With a barrier of my proud chagrin. When the city streets are crumbled and stained And the potholes are pox on ailing skin, The planets will align and love will feign A benevolent and unfading reign.
well, I like it. You certainly have a strong sense of creating images, you paint with words, and I'm liking your poetry in general. However, your iambic pentameter is uneven. I mean, it's technically 10 syllables but doesn't flow right...maybe you could even that out.
