I have never been one to step down in an argument. I love debating. I love winning. I love being right. But since having Moire, I've become a lot more defensive and fairly easily angered. Especially when someone attacks my parenting skills. And the one targeting me is an 86 year old woman! I love her and respect her, but she, instead of stating her opinion, YELLS. "You're hitting her too hard" in reference to my patting Moire's butt to put her to sleep. If I don't pat her hard enough, she fusses. She likes the firmness. Strange kid. "You've got your music up too loud! You're hurting her ears." If it hurt or bothered her, she would fuss. "How would you hear her over the noise?" It's not up that loud. And I played the music a whole heck of a lot louder when I was pregnant. "You hold her too much. You're spoiling her." Yes, 2 month olds can be spoiled when a parent holds her too often. "She's a fussy baby. She cries too much." No, she's a very opinionated young girl. She knows what she wants, and if it's not given to her, she communicates in the only way she knows how: crying. Eventually, she'll stop crying and start to talk all our ears off. You'll no longer call her fussy. You'll call her a chatty-kathy. And when I tried to explain calmly to Gramma that I firmly believe that since I'm Moire's mother, being with her 24/7, I know her better than anyone else, and because of this, know what's best for her above and beyond any advice given me, she said, "I know, hon. I think the same way. But sometimes people know better because they've had kids. And their kids turned out well." Umm...If you add the "but" to "I think the same as you" then no, you don't. There is no "but" in my way of thinking. If I have a question about what my baby needs/is going through, I ask. I know when I don't have the answer. Like how to deal with her teething at 2 months, or how to solve her colic issue. But when it comes to why she cries? I know why she's crying and what she needs. I don't need your input. ARGH! Plus, the family was discussing breastfeeding toddlers at dinner tonight. And I was trying to discuss the myriad health/emotional benefits of extended nursing, but no one seemed to really get it. And it just made me feel bad because I would have LOVED to get the flack from them for nursing a 3 year old Moire, and explaining why I do it....But I can't, and it sucks....
((((hugs))))) this is just so much fun, eh? I have almost the exact same rant in my "arg, they're getting to me" post about my omi (grandma) Everything that you wrote there, I have been hearing since I got to BC, EXACTILY the same things, plus more...like, "being outside isn't good for her,(that's opi talking, omi and i love taking her to the beach)" or, "her food isn't solid enough, she shoudl be eating our food with us," "you shouldn't have the tv/computer on when you're feeding her, it's bad for her eyes (though i told them about a documentary on discovery that prooves otherwise)"....I can't think of whatelse.... All I can say, is do your best to ignore it...you know what is right. I also find myself getting VERY easily angered by everyone who judges the way that I do things, even Cody. My family has started to worry that something is wrong with me, and no one wants to talk to me anymore because I am so defensive of my beliefs and will not listen to their thoughts on crying it out. But there is no way that I'm going to mentally harm Leane just because they believe they're right. Trust your own instincts, that's all you can do. My final words in a disagreement are, "look, I'm doing what I personally feel is right." Funny how you can get them to shut up by saying that if you bring it up earlier in the discussion and they completely agree with you that following your instincts is the best thing you can do. (this happened the other night, I almost fell over laughing afterwards)
Momma-hood is really an isolating event, I've noticed. You get flack from all sides, from people you previously believed agreed with you and understood you, and even supported you...And then they turn on ya.... I wouldn't be so upset by this if she didn't yell. But because of my childhood, and all the yelling and screaming that was directed at me, now in my adult years, I get VERY ANGRY when someone yells at me. I don't deserve that type of disrespect. I listen when talked to. I communicate. Why the need to yell!? URHGH...
tell me about it! The only thing that keeps me sane is the mamas on here and my friend who just had a babe 2 months ago. My mom (now, I should have known better in the first place) told me when I was pregnant, that she would give advice when asked, but wouldn't be pushy....hell, that went out the door 2 hours after she was born. While they were bathing her, all my mom could say was, "why is she crying? something is wrong with her. you should really know that. something is really wrong." all my childhood, I was treated like I was just that, a little child. My mom's favorite thing to say was, "because I'm the mommy," or, "no, you're not allowed to have opinions." I LOOOVED it when they all said, "wait till you have your own kids, then you'll understand, and you can do whatever you want." Now that I DO, and I tell them, "look, you said, 'wait till you have your own kids, then you can do what you want,' and I am!" That makes them soooo mad. what I have learned: sad as it is, family is something that you're generally never going to be chummy with when it comes to raising kids. It's just better left not talked about for the most part unless ABSOLUTLY necessary.
WHen people try to tell you how to parent your own child just tell them that it isn't up for discussion and ENFORCE THAT RULE. My grandmother used to tell me that I should put my baby on a "schedule". And I said "Breastfed babies can't be put on schedules, that is all I'm going to say on the subject." And whenever she tried to bring it up again I told her that it wasn't up for discussion. NOW, she finally gets it. And she respects me a lot more than all of my other cousins who let her bully them. Luckily my parents are pretty crunchy, so they don't beloeve in letting babies cry or anything. When I bring the kids to there house to visit, they usually co-sleep with Danny! They're pretty cool. My mom breastfed me and my siblings for 18months+.
Hippyfreek, I completely understand what you mean. Many times I've learned to just nodd and say mmm-hmm while barely listening. It's hard to find people who won't find fault in at least one aspect of your parenting skills. But what works for one, may not work for another, so I say, we all have our own way of doing things, to heck with it.
I am SO sorry that I wasn't the only one who had... uhmm, "opinionated help" with my kiddies. It seems that the minute you give birth, all of your common sense & logical reasoning skills come out along with the placenta. Or so I've been led to believe by friends & family! Unfortunately I still haven't found the magic phrase that will make my mom let me parent my kids my own way. It could still be out there, but as my son nears his 11th birthday I'm starting to lose hope that I will ever find it. I discovered one day while my son was very VERY young though, that there just isn't any pleasing others with parenthood. I was walking through a mall with my 5 month old son on my hip and a lady came over to tell me that I should take his hat off so he wouldn't overheat. It made sense, so I did it. 5 minutes later, someone came by and said that babies as young as he needed to have their head covered to avoid chills. Since that's why I'd had the hat on him to begin with, I put the hat back on. But not 2 minutes later, someone came up to me AS I WAS NURSING HIM and physically removed his hat, snapping that I was going to boil the poor child alive under all those layers. (yeah, he had on a spring-weight overall & tee shirt combo and a cotton hat... and the tiniest of cotton blankets for modesty as I was still learning to nurse in public) It was at that instant that I became the defensive (often mouthy) mama-bear with the no nonsense attitude that I have about parenting today. If I couldn't have an opinion about a stupid hat without being second-guessed, then I had no place being a mama in the first place. I snatched the hat back, and told her exactly where I thought she could stick her opinions about MY baby. Admittedly not the most tactful of responses, but it worked. Sweetie, YOU are Moire's mama. And nobody can take that title from you. And YOU are the one who is responsible for deciding how to best care for her. Sure you're gonna make a few mistakes along the way, but every mama does. (((((((((hugs!!!))))))))) I'd "listen" to Gramma, calmly thank her for her concern, and go on parenting the way that you know to be best. love, mom
Well, maybe yall could get the grandparents, etc. to back off alittle by saying that parenting styles change over the years? Of course they should understand yall are doing the best that you can for the babies, but I'm sure that they love them too and mean well even though they are aggravating. Yelling is not right though. But, unfortunately, alot of people do it when they fell they aren't winning a disagreement. I can't wait to see Moire again.
