I am so depressed. I have stopped socializing outside of my house pretty much, I dont even have a job, or my license and I am 6 monthes past the date I could've had it. I think it's all because of my parents too. I've been hit on all sides with people hating on me without knowing it. I am not obviously gay and everyone is always going "You are gay" as an insult in the high school I go to, but that is not why I am depressed. I am okay with being open about being gay at school now. I think I am depressed because of my parents, I told them I was gay, I couldn't hold it in anymore. They can't accept it and whenever I am watching a show that has gay people who are actually potrayed as more than stereotypes they go "THAT'S DISGUSTING" rather vocally. My mother keeps on telling me "you are only 16 you havn't given yourself a chance with girls yet, come back when you are 20", but I know I am gay and I'm 100% sure of it. I can't talk to my dad about it, he seems mad about it and they make it sound like it is my fault, like I did something wrong. I hear all my friends (the little ones I ever hear from now)talking about their girlfriends, and the more I hear this the more I want to go out with someone too, but my parents have made me feel like I am doing something wrong by seeking love. I don't know what to do it is a never ending cycle of depression and I feel if I dont get out of it that I will have to learn stuff that most people normally learn as a teenager when they explore things in their life, later on in my college years.
coming out is hard, and dealing with rejection is even harder. i'm sure you've heard it all before, but it takes a long time for some people to come to terms with homosexuality. i remember when my dad saw one of my girl-friends and then told me that he couldnt believe that i'm not attracted to her... and he used to always go on about how i can't be sure that i am gay and that in a few years i might change. i know that's crap, you know it's crap, but sometimes it's hard for parents to come to terms with it. being depressed is not the way to go. you have to try not to let your parents' attitude get in the way of you living your life. you have to show them that you are happy and comfortable with yourself; only then can they in turn grow to feel the same. you say youve stopped socializing and that you dont talk to your friends much. you should definitely try to talk to them more because in times like these you really need them. you need people to talk about things that your parents can't understand. i would never have been able to come out if it wasn't for the support of all my friends. they provide an escape. you can be yourself around them, so it therefore doesn't really matter what your parents think. i didnt tell my parents for a while after telling my friends. i told them while i was at college (i was 18) so i wasn't living with them. i didn't have to deal with their reaction for too long. so clearly you're in a much more difficult situation... i feel for you!! i think you need to adopt a new positive attitude. it won't be long till you'll be leaving home so right now concentrate on positive things. go out, get a job, get your license, go out with your friends, make new friends etc. and things will fall into place. don't flaunt your homosexuality in front of your parents. keep gay things out of home for now because they clearly can't deal with it. and i wouldn't 'seek love' at your age. youre young; play the field, see what comes around. youre 16, you dont wanna be tied down. im 20 and havent found love yet!! things can only get better. good luck!
I couldn't agree more with what chrissyboy said, very wise words. check out www.youthguard.org it is a super orginization run by gay kids for gay kids. get in touch with them, maybe they can help. don't suffer in silence I truely hope things turn around for you.
Thanks alot. It's just calling that first friend and asking how they are doing for the first time after not talking for a long time that is hard.
. When you come out, you find out who your real friends are. That's a blessing in a way, but can be shockingly sad too. However, that "friend" who rejects you for being gay: you find out isn't your real friend anyway. The blessing is that you get to find out now. Did you want to find out later when they borrow money they never pay back or talk about you behind your back? It's hard either way. Your parents may never come around. That's too bad. You need to be strong for yourself. Thank them for their 'opinion.' That's what it is. A "thank you" is all you need to say, it should help to quiet them. Just keep repeating it. "Thank you for your concern and your opinion has been noted." Gay-Straight Alliance Network About Gay-Straight Alliance Network http://www.outminds.com/ Try this site, it is a great place for gay, lesbian and questioning youth, run by youth and FOR youth. They have a terrific support staff. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) http://www.pflag.org/ There may be a group in your area, they also have information that you may be able to pass onto your folks or help you when talking to them. You have to think about why you did come out. You probably didn't know how hard it would be, but you're not alone. .
The father is the worst one, men are bred to be overly macho and to treat woman as objects and I guess being gay undermines that.
well, he will be cool with it. i mean he isn't going to be excited but it won't change anything. i just got to get up the nerve to tell him. i'm a pussy.
Much as we all love them, our parents do not always deserve that love. Rejecting you for who you are is entirely wrong. You know it and they know it, too. Coming to terms with it is a completely different issue, though. You are actually facing one of the greatest challenges in your young life. Make sure that you have it your way and that no one gets you. Get yourself a license, a job, friends. Develop your own plan. Start dreaming and deciding how these dreams may come true. Save up and hook up with other dudes and grant yourself some time to travel and explore, meet other people and hear their stories and experience. Do not be afraid of your future. Start learning how to take charge and be in control. It is never easy. But hardly anything that's good ever is. KD
I admire your courage for coming out at 16 and for asking for help here. You've received a lot of great advice already--check out those organizations others posted. Reach out to others who have been there or who are also currently facing prejudice and belittlement from their own families. Support each other. Don't let your parents or anyone else define you. If you let them, you will begin to see yourself as disgusting and immoral. Reject hatred and bigotry and do it with dignity and self-respect. Take the high moral ground by not stooping to their level of name-calling and derogatroy comments. Don't self-destruct in an attempt to get them to understand or to get back at them or in the hopes that they will finally accept you. They are more likely to come around if you hold your head high and tell them you want to have a close relationship but they must accept you the way you are, not the way they want you to be. Allow yourself to feel the anger I know you feel. The rage at being judged, humiliated, abused, and disregarded. Use that anger as energy to better yourself. Work hard in school and excel. Play sports if you are into them already and enjoy them. Get involved in organizations that are fighting for what's right (related to being gay or some other issue that is important to you) and organizations where you can have fun and make new friends. Look for responsible, caring adults at your school or elsewhere who believe in you. Allow them to be there for you. Watch out for older guys who try to take advantage of vulnerable gay youth. You'll know who they are--trust your gut. Be ready to support other guys and girls facing discrimination. They will notice your strength and seek you out. Band together and support each other. Be strong. Mark
i wish i was a bit more like u i suppose but i couldnt tell my parents yet im 16 as well but i just havnt got the courage to tell them yet. my dad's always talking about girls and things that havnt even happened yet
You might very well be doing the right thing by waiting. Sometimes the courageous thing to do is to bide your time, build a support network, and then tell them when you have more independence and ability to take care of yourself. Perhaps some members in the UK would recommend you to some support groups and information resources for gay youth. There is a lot of good literature out there re: whether and when to come out to parents. Take good care, Mark
. Weather you're 16 or 60, I think comming out should be on a "need to know," basis. If you want to come out to everybody, then they need to know. If you're moving into an apartment with your lover, maybe your folkes need to know. They don't need to know while your in high school. .
How do I explain this to my parents < Apparently some lesbians who were in a relationship broke up and decided to stop being gay> my parents watch Fox news AKA conservative gay hating station and it is always feeding them negative images of being gay and the reason i came out to them is because i plan on being open about it in school and eventually it would leak out to them somehow and id rather be the one to say it
I don't know. They're certainly old enough to have heard the true information. Some Parents never think their kid will be gay. So, you're right, it might be up to you. If I were your counselor, maybe I would have a more specific idea. I'm just saying it's okay to look for professional help. Check out the link to PFLAG. I had a buddy who came out to his folks after collage and they were sorta cool. But they were backwoods drunks who eventually went sour after too many drinks one night. It was strange and bitter. The next week he passed on the PFLG literature to his folks and they were suddenly really cool. Yeah, so weird how that works. They had a group of folks they could relate to. I don't imagine it would have worked that way for him in high schoool. .
You don't have to explain it to them. It is their responsibility to learn more about sexuality--from Fox News and other sources--and to understand your perspective. The information and resources are out there if they choose to access them. As hipunk suggested, give them some PFLAG or similar literature and maybe say, "Would you be willing to read this with an open mind?" If they reply, "no" well that tells you a lot right there--you might have to learn to live with their prejudice and fear. If they agree to read the literature with an open mind, they might not see the light right away but it might start to sink in. Mark
I think I'm going to put From a secret place. on hold with the library and not mention anything, they will obviously realize who put it on hold and read the description of it then it will be up to them to choose whether they want to pick it up along with other dvds from thel ibrary or not and if they choose not to then screw them they can have fun living in ignorance like they always do with everything else. Can hardly expect them to understand, though. They still believe in stereotypes of people, including black people.
