Anyone got stoney quotes?

staring at my friends sandles i just said "sandle on the ruff".. i dont know why

 

"i want some of johnno's biscuit bouncers"

 

I think i already put this on another thread, but when i was smoking out of a real vaporizer for the first time, I had already smoked a ton, and the people i was with hadnt smoked as much so I was a lot higher than them. So the girl I was sitting next to farted, and I just looked at her and i started laughing and was like "your leaking!" hehe then she was like shut up that was just my stomach! and everyone started laughing

 

I once said
'What do a fat girl and a moped have in common?
There both fun to ride untill somebody sees you.'
Nobody laughed in fact it went silent, then I realised there was a really fat girl sat next to me.

 

^ LMFAO!!!
I got one too...
There was this one time when me and my friends were smokin some weed and some hash at my place.
After smoking a weed joint My budies asked me to roll a hash joint. I started getting all the "ingredients" papers, hash, a cig etc... and all of a sudden I was like where's the hash?? I really couldnt find it and I let everyone in the room know that I had officially lost the hash we had. knowing that it hadd to be somewhere in the room every1 started searchin on the floor and stuff. after about 2 or 3 mins of searching I realize that I was actually HOLDING the piece of hash for all the time. SO I immediatly said " hey guys I found it. I was holding it" there was silence for a sec and then every1 started laughin...

 

to ice cream man-"can i have a dixons water ice please" might not sound funny to you lot but it took me 15 muinets to stop the tears rolling down my face and be physically able to tell my palls about it! i think they were laughing so much just because of how badly i was laughing! that was after a few pure skunk spliffs tho!

 

"I don't know anything"

 

HAHAHA omg i am sober and am laughing my ass off

 

"i'd pour a gas of canoline on that bitch" (instead of can of gasoline hehe)

 

i smoked for a month one night.

and of course, im not as stoned as you think i am.
(this is funny cuz, i was trying to make a joke, saying im not as think as you stoned i am, but at the time i was so stoned i said it right, i do that alot

 

Einstein's God may not play at dice, but there are other views of divinity. For example, in the Bhagavad Gita Krishna says:

"I am the game of dice. I am the self centered in the heart of all beings."

 

"Everything is so singular!"

 

Dude I Feel Like The Tv!!!

 

These are so funny. Here's another:
Dude missed a dentist appoint and called to reschedule "SOrry and thank you about that"/ he says in stead of thank you, and sorry about that.