Sorry I need to let this out of my chest

I'm feeling a bit shit right now. I almost lost the love of my life because of my insecurity and self-pity. the thing is I cant understand how and why someone can love ME! I mean he's infatuated by me but I cant help but think that this may be a temporary state of mind rather than love. He's told me he loves me so many times and he shows it, he really loves me, i feel it. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had, but that doesnt stop me feeling insecure about all this.

I know i'm acting like a little stupid brat, but in a way i realise it's just a cry for help. I want to be with him and i know for certain that he's what i always wanted in a guy. I found everything that makes my life complete in him. I dont want to lose him, that's why I am scared and i behave like this.

i feel like he'd be better off with someone else, someone prettier, bigger boobs, nicer body....he says he find me beautiful, that i'm everything he wants...but i just cant believe it. I mean I hate my body so much, how can he find me beautiful? I'm such a mess. I dont even brush my hair sometimes. i know that's all superficial, I know I'm much more inside, I know it, and he knows it too.

I started feeling jelous and self conscious. i'd be paranoid if a girl set eyes on him, cos i dont want to lose him. I want him to be with me, but at the same time i feel he should be with someone better than me.

we almost broke up today. i feel like such a loser. he's the only one who's ever made me feel this way. i guess i'm scared to be hurt, i dont want to be hurt (who does). I ran to him while he was on his way to the tube station and i hugged him and told him i love him. i felt so lost without him, like my heart had been stolen. i felt so empty.

I just need to sort my head and realise that I have to trust him, however hard it may be for me, I have to trust him, otherwise i'll lose him.
He hasnt given me reasons not to trust him, my paranoia has. I'm sick of all this, i want to love and be loved, put the past behind us and start again, together, and never look back on the bad stuff.

It's another night and I'm missing him so much.

 

there is no relationship without trust

 

Of course there is....that's the relationship I have with my parents...

 

Does he know that you're worried about all this?


I feel the same way a lot of the time...I don't understand why my boyfriend likes me or what he sees in me, but even though I don't believe what he says, I trust that he means it and that for some obscure reason he wants to be with me and he sees the good in me.

I really hope you can learn to like yourself, even just a tiny bit. It's the first step along the way. You seem like a lovely person, and you're gorgeous too so you've got nothing to worry about!

 

The love in my life used to have this problem. She was very insecure with her body and looks. She had low self esteem and was very inconfident. I honestly think she is the prettiest woman I have have ever seen. She has beautiful eyes, wonderful features, and is very naturally sexy in the way she moves and holds herself. I always tell her, every time I see her, everything I love about her looks, and how pretty she is. I don't beef it up, and make it sound like false flattery, I am totally honest. I also tell her the other ways I find her attractive. I tell her how the things she does for me and the way she acts make me happy, and tell her that I care about and love her. Now adays, even though we are currently separated (not on bad terms), I still tell her these things,and I mean them. ow she is much more confident about her looks and doesn't care about what others think of her. I guess I taught her how to see her beauty, and it has definitely made a difference. It took a long time for her not to question my opinion, but it takes time. If your guy really loves you and he means what he says about you, then trust him, and try to notice the things about yourself that he likes. Ask him what he finds in you and makes him happy, and see those things for yourself, with his help. Good luck! I am sure you are a very beautiful young woman.

 

i have the same exact feelings about my boyfriend

 

it sounds like you are testing him and pushing him away b/c you are scared to get hurt. so when it doesn't work you will have proven your point that you got hurt. alot of people go thru this without even knowing. you have to just think to yourself, there are no guarentees in love, you just have to decide whether living your life scared and hurt (closing off from others) is worth the cost. this guy sounds like he really loves you and since your current actions and feelings aren't making you happy just take a deep breath and jump...into changing your thoughts and feelings to trust and love for your bf. let yourself be vunerable and trust in his love for you.
good luck and you can do it! listen to your heart!

 

Hi! I was involved in such a blissful relationship that we were meditating every day and going to shows together and taking roadtrips and every day was a new and profound vision of a life--we talked about how we weren't in a "relationship" in the typical sense but were kind of like two completely open spiritual beings who both recognize each other's energies but don't get too caught up in them and attached to them to the point of where you lose your sense of fearless openess thatyou need for love to be watered like a plant. It's really just this thing that happens between this really advanced monkies (people) and when we're closer to what we actually are and share that with another person it is more real. When you get caught up images of who you should be or who he might rather be with, you're just letting fear win over love. Let love win every time. Let it be the perception from which you base all your decisions, reactions and visions of yourself. I've found that almost everytime there's any kind of "weird energy" or fear-based energy, people tend to make up and live in the moment and let go of any kind of ripple in the clear pond of what it can be. Namaste! Peace