He has a new girl. I'm happy for him. But I wonder why I was not good enough. He holds her hand in public. He never held my hand in public. They seem so relaxed together. We never seemed that relaxed unless we were alone. If only I could replace HIM, that would be different, but the other fellow I took up with last week seems to have dumped me because I cannot kiss! So where is the fairness, that my ex gets to go on as if I never meant anything to him, where I am left an emotional cripple? I wish someone would hold my hand without wanting to own me (which is what has happened to me with commitments before) and without throwing me away later (which has always happened to me in open relationships). I feel like trash. I've never felt this way before. Ever. And this was someone I genuinely loved and who loved me back?! If I could still enjoy sex, I wouldn't feel as if I'd lost anything. But since I can't ... I feel I've had something stolen from me.
yea, one you know sexuality with love, sexuality without it doesnt even compare. masturbation sucks. bah at anyrate maybe she forces him to hold her hand. to me holding hands jsut doesnt feel natural, and i get all sweaty. its not that i don't love my babycakes when i don't hold her hand it jsut doenst seem to be ingrained in me, i show my love by sneaking in ass slaps and the like
It was more or less an analogy ... I wish there was such a thing as emotional attachment without ownership, yet with some sort of mutual caring. I was always so scared to touch him at all, for fear he'd think I was trying to be possessive or whatnot. It was living hell 24/7, and now he's past all that and dragging her about by the hand?! When did THAT happen?
suncatch, i really hope you find somebody better... heartache happens to the best of us, it just means you're human and able to experience vast differences in emotion... and you've learned you gotta let go a little right? or that you will be able to in the right relationship anyway (as far as touching and stuff) good luck hun, i've been reading your posts lately and seems like you've had it pretty tough with guys.... sometimes you just have to keep looking.... sometimes ya just gotta give it a break. aww i didn't know you didn't like holding hands... i love holding hands, i think it's sweet and distinguishes between friends and lovers and sweethearts... *shrug*
I've never *wanted* a relationship before ... ever. They just sort of find me ... one after another, disaster after disaster so it seems. :& Now I want one -- a good one, in some sense -- because I'm scared I'm going to get jaded and withdraw completely from the world.
can i suggest looking for platonic relationships instead? if you're that close to withdrawing from the world i mean. friends are less likely to leave if you want to spread your friendness around (unlike with men/boyfriends/lovers... who can get jealous and will leave if they find somebody better.... not to say friends don't ditch other friends, but it's less likely) while i think loving sexual relationships can be incredibly rewarding, platonic relationships are more likely to last in my opinion.
I'm not afraid of withdrawing from platonic relationships. I feel as if I am a subpar human being because I have had this string of bad romantic relationships ... I don't want to give up on them, or on myself by proxy. Even if I could just have a successful casual sexual encounter ... that is all I want right now ... I would feel better about myself and be able to let it go.
If he's replaced you then he's obviously an idiot. Leave him behind and find yourself someone worth your time. You can do better darlin!!!
Yeah, that's what it's all about. I don't care that much about "someone else" -- I just want to feel a bit better about my own self.
Your heart will heal in its own time. You cannot rush it. Last time someone broke my heart it took me two years to recover. For a long time I withdrew from the world and just threw myself into my work. I'm not saying it's going to take you that long, or that you should do what I did. Just be patient with yourself. Believe me, there will come a time when you'll realize, "I"m okay now." Peace be with you
Thanks, everybody ... I think I'm getting better ... knock on wood. PS: I appreciate it, Musikero -- and from her picture on another thread, your new love seems to have been worth the wait!
Get a rebound, and throw yourself in activities, volunteer work, work. Stop thinking so much about things.
