my mans low sex drive-is it normal?

We have a 9 month old child and ever since she was born he's been making excuses not to be intimate: I looked different, always seeing the baby on my breast, he sees me as the mother of his child, i'm acting different now-getting bitchy...lots of stuff. I have a really high sex drive and I think the main reason why i'm "getting bitchy" is because i'm not getting any. Is this normal for new fathers cause I feel like i'm in for a life of little sex.

 

having a baby changes everything. talk to him about how you feel and allow him the chance to talk about how he feels, too. Maybe the birth was traumatic for him, maybe he's afraid of getting you pregnant again, it could be any one of a thousand different things going on in his head, but you'll never know what to do about it if you don't talk to him first.

 

I have tried to talk to him about it many times. He gives me the excuses that I listed above

 

this may seem like an obvious question, however il ask it anyway: did you tell him how you felt?

 

Oh yeah, many times. It turns into fights alot of the time. I mean i've even told him that a little intimacy (not sex, just getting close to me) would be a step in the right direction. It seems he's always pushing me away when I try to initiate something.

 

One thing I will say I noticed with my wife and the first baby is the women becomes a lot, I mean a lot looser. And this makes sex much worse. But, I didn't lower my sex drive. But I would bet that's something that's on his mind. And unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. Maybe bring it up and if he says that's the problem, offer his alternative solutions (use your imagination...).

Another thing is that having a kid takes a lot out of a person. Has he been getting up in the middle of the night a lot? You have to remember he just went through a major life change, just like you. Maybe he's just getting adjusted.

 

no, those aren't the problems. I had a c-section and he doesn't get up in the middle of the night or in the morning.

 

maybe he just views you a lot differently, like you said before, the "mother of his child". he might feel akward having sex because now theres part of you in someone else (your child), like youre part of something greater than yourself. maybe he feels that its wrong to have such risque acts with such a motherly figure (im sorry if this isnt making much sense, i cant really decribe what im thinking of) or maybe now since youre a "mom" sex just isnt the most appealing idea. ill try to think of a better way to describe it, and if i can think of it il post again

 

I understand and your probably right, but i'm just wondering if this happens to alot of guys and if so will it change back to normal soon?

 

ah, sorry cant help with that one. ive never been preggers.

 

It was actually difficult to wait for sex for me.Wait 6 weeks the midwife said.43 days later I was there.There is some kind of underlying mental problem that you or a counselor will have to pry out of him.I'm sorry you have to go thru this.How was his sex drive before the little one?

 

It was low while I was pregnant too but before that I was satisfied, like 5 times a week at least, now i'm lucky if I get it twice in a month and I have to ask for it. If I didn't make an attempt I wouldn't get it at all. I'm getting to a point where i'm not going to be interested in trying anymore.

 

http://primal-page.com/madonna.htm

 

I don't really buy the "he's not attracted to the mom" thing. If anything, I become much more attracted to me ex after the baby was born because I respected her for what she went through. This is a tough one. I wish I had advice. If anything, I would suggest things like lingerie and making nice meals like steak. Sounds cheesy, but these things make a difference.

 

I went through exactly the same thing and what I have to say on the topic isn't going to make you feel better, but it is my personal truth. After our first child, my ex wouldn't touch me, no hugs, kisses, nothing. Like yours, he did not get up in the middle of the night or really help with the baby in any way at all. So I can't excuse his lack of libido on him being tired or overwhelmed with a new child. I tried the sexy clothes, the nice romantic meals, etc. I even acted like a full on slut for this man and got nowhere. Except, a year later at an Xmas party where he drank a little too much whiskey. He took me home and we made baby number two. Fast forward six more years of not feeling "attractive enough" or "sexy enough" etc. and I found myself leaving him and going out into the world single where I found that I was attractive and sexy and all the other wonderful things he made me feel like I wasn't. I've been single now four years and he and I have been able to talk this out, FINALLY. His explanation of the behavior? He had a rocky relationship with his mother, when I became a mother it brought up all of those feelings. He couldn't see me as a sexual object because I had become something "foriegn" to him and a symbol of emotional stress. He also added that in retrospect, he also blamed me for his loss of freedom and "forcing" him into a grown up role. I tended to get annoyed watching him play video games while I tended to the children and cooked his meals, cleaned his home, washed his clothing, etc We were both 26 years old and although he said he wanted a wife and family, I now believe he wasn't truly ready for all of it. Does his explanation make sense? kinda.. does it help me understand everything a little better? kinda.. does it heal the pain I felt everytime he rejected me sexually? NOPE... I only reclaimed my self esteem when I left. I will add that OF COURSE, once I left him, he couldn't get enough of me sexually or otherwise. Just goes to show the saying is true. They really don't have a clue what they have until it is gone. *sigh* I am sending my best wishes that your story has a 'happier" ending than mine.

 

that doesn't really happen. Our bodies are designed to give birth, and if doing so stretched things out so much, people would never conceive more than one kid in their lifetimes, and we all know that's just not the case. Many people actually find that things are tighter and better after baby. It's about muscle control, not the elasticity of the tissues.