compliments or creepyness? thoughts.

forgive me if this post is rambling...for it is late, and i am sleepy. hope this is cohesive enough!

i work at a store which exposes me to a part of town where a lot of the homeless people of my town hang out, panhandle, etc. my store is the only actual grocery store in the vicinity, so it's a regular place for anyone who lives and works in the area to shop, including all the homeless people who frequent the nearby park and downtown shopping areas. in the last two weeks, i've been hit on by a few of these older dudes. now most of them just seem like harmless street-people who just want to panhandle, buy their booze, and hang out all day. i don't have fear or contempt for these people, and i'd rather live and let live; the fact that these dudes say stuff to me is creepy, mainly because it happens at my job (which makes me feel trapped), and because they're all much, much older than me (i'm not talking a difference of 5 - 10 years...i'm talking my dad's age and older, which is not my thing).

yesterday and the day before, some dude asked me, "has anyone told you that you're beautiful today?" the day before yesterday i was just like, "uh..no?" i was kinda taken aback by the remark, plus i don't even really care if anyone tells me i'm beautiful because i'm not so insecure that i need total strangers to tell me i'm attractive. yesterday i was like, "you know what? you said that yesterday." i was kinda short with him so he'd get the idea i wasn't receptive to his comments...and he was like, "well you ARE beautiful! did you know that?" i was like, "well, thanks." didn't make eye contact, finished his transaction. he leaves. uh. kay? did we just step back a few decades, here? i think it's nice to pay someone a compliment, but i can't help but feel a little weird about it, because it just feels creepy to me. it's not even that these dudes are homeless...if it were some rich guy i'd still be freaked out by that sort of talk. do they think i really WANT their advances? do i look easy or something? when i'm at work i am usually wearing my not-so-nice clothes because it can get messy there, i don't wear make-up to work, i usually have my hair back in a pony-tail; i'm kinda plain looking in my work garb. it's just weird that someone thinks i want/need to hear that. or maybe i am reading too deeply into it and the drunk, homeless guys are just kissing my ass so i'll give them spare change when they see me on my way to and from work. or they are genuinely trying to compliment me and i should be flattered. but dammit, i don't want to be flattered! that is a byegone era where women had to take every come-on as a "compliment". women are not sex objects, and i don't feel complimented when some random stranger just says they think i'm good-looking. i don't care that i'm pretty when it really comes down to it. sure, i like to feel pretty from time to time, but it's not what i base my self esteem on. i would rather be complimented about something i'm good at doing rather than my looks. i also just really hate strangers just coming up to me and talking at me when i don't want to be bothered. maybe people sense that and they're like, "let's go bug that girl over there! it'll be fun!"

bleh. i probably sound like a snob to some, like a raving femi-nazi to others, and like a crazed insomniac to many more. either way, i don't like it when much, much older men, rich or poor, hit on me. it doesn't make me feel good about myself AT ALL. the only feeling i get from it is awkwardness and anxiety.

i'm not ageist, however. i have found myself attracted to a man about 17 years my senior. it was a mutual attraction, and i pursued him actively of my own accord; he did not come on to me in a creepy way at the counter of the grocery store i work at. my most significant relationship was with a man 7 years older.

when a guy is my dad's age or older and actively going after women in their early 20's or younger, i kinda start to wonder what's with these guys that they don't feel they can pursue a woman closer to their own age...why they feel they need someone that much younger...i understand younger women are attractive and all, but usually a woman closer to that guy's age would have more to offer him in the long run. also i think older women have their own unique beauty that comes with the wisdom gained from life experience. grey hairs, wrinkles, and all that stuff are a normal part of aging. most well-adjusted adults will find people of their own age-group attractive.

i wonder about guys that age who are that concerned about chasing young women. i'm sure not all people in age-gap relationships got where they are because the older person was creepy. i knew a girl who genuinely fell in love with a man her father's age, and i believe he was in love with her, too. he was very sweet with her. the relationship lasted a few years but did ultimately fail in the end. i'm not saying it all ends up badly, but it's rare in western society to see it work out. he was so ready to settle down, but she was still learning about life, and the stability and security he offered her was stifling and suffocating to her. she was 20; she didn't want to settle down yet, as most 20-year-olds aren't ready.

i've veered and rambled way off-topic. i'm half-asleep as it is, so i apologize if this post is way too long or the thoughts i've presented aren't well organized. i least i was still able to type well, and my words don't look like someone typed them with socks on their hands.

peace, brothers and sisters. give me your thoughts on this issue. it's a very interesting one to discuss, indeed.

 

When I used to bartend there were a lot of homeless people that would come in, some to try to get a free drink and others to try to warm up. Granted, some of them were creepy but most were not. One in particular that I remember was a 50 something man that would sit in the corner quietly drawing. After the first day I would take him coffee, and then I started giving him food. When I offered him a piece of cake from a party in the bar he had tears in his eyes. He asked if I had a plate, and when I gave him one (glass) he sat back down and began to draw on it. When I was leaving for the day he stopped me and told me I was an angel and handed me the plate, and when I looked down to the plate it had a beautiful lighthouse drawn on it.

The moral of my story is dont judge a book by its cover. I can relate to people creeping you out, but saying you are beautiful is not always flirting with you. I got comments like that all the time and usually it was just trying to make polite conversation. The thing that really used to piss me off was my coworkers attitude about the homeless. She didn't allow them in the bar, for any reason. She would make fun of them and tell them how repulsive they were. The reality is that many people are one check away from homeless. Why would I treat another human being with such loathing and contempt for having a bad time of things. I wouldn't want to be treated that way.

You work with the public, and unfortunately you will have to deal with people that creep you out. Instead of getting offended you could try a polite thank you. If you can be funny without being offensive try that....like "I bet you say that to all the girls"
If it still bugs you think about getting a different job.

 

Dude, I highly doubt theyre trying to pick you up. Theyre just complimenting you, its a functin of working in public service and of dealing with people who, well, dont always have a lot of psotivity in their lives and try to spread some around in hopes that maybe theyll get some eventually too.

 

OMFG all this because some guy said something nice to you?

 

Thers nothing wrong with compliments. It would be a sad world if I could'nt pay a younger woman a compliment without her thinking I was hitting on her.

 

If a guy wants to compliment you, let him compliment you. And thank him. If you think he's creepy, well... it's not like you're going to date him or anything. Besides, even the so-called creepy guys could use a little courtesy and friendliness.

And as for your distaste for strangers talking to you when you don't want to be bothered: you work in a store. It's part of your job description to talk to strangers even when you don't want to be bothered because each stranger who approaches you is a customer whether he buys something or not. I also work in a service-oriented establishment so I know it can be annoying, but friendliness and courtesy is part of my job description. It's also part of yours.

 

I wouldn't be bothered by it. If he continues to, say it, just smile and say "thanks", I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm.

 

It's called CUSTOMER SERVICE. That is what you deal with when you are in a position that has high exposure to the general public. A guy that was a little mentally challenged tells me I smell good whenever he comes into my work place. Yesterday, he came up to the counter and said his sister told him to say sorry for telling me that all the time and to say he likes the way my PERFUME smells instead. He was so happy to say it the right way. Like a little kid. Another customer is "creepy" in that he will follow me around and just keep talking about items/products. It was slowing down my ability to do my job. I told him I couldn't carry on these conversations and do my job. Now he follows somebody else around and talks. Just lonely? Probably. A regular is a fella that has Tourette's and won't take any meds to help out the situation. Most the customers steer clear of him but he really is a nice polite person, between the outbursts and movements. We have several sweet little old ladies who are the most miserable rude customers EVER. The world is full of needy people. If you deal with the public you deal with all types, not just the ones you are comfortable with.

 

Lets take this steps at a time here:


(1) A guy telling you are beautiful. Now Im a pretty quiet guy and only on a few occasions have I ever complimented a person on thier looks. When I did it was her eyes, they just took me back and all I said is "you have pretty eyes" afterwards I felt so stupid but yeah Im kinda shy so. Anyway telling you that you are pretty, beautiful ect is not a bad thing no matter if the guy was 10 or 100. If he just made a general statement then accept the fact you add beauty to thier world smile about the thought and thats that. It may have been your hair, your smile, your face, maybe your voice that did this for them not anything creepy at all. Remember a flower, a car even a sunrise is beautiful and Im sure he never thought of attacking them.

(2) His age should not matter, he did not ask you out, he has not come at you with a chemical rag to knock you out and kidnap you. As long as you are polite to him, he does not try to go anyplace with the conversation beyond casual and if he does you kindly set bounds. If he respects those bounds great, if he does not then you have ever right to be bugged, and take whatever action required to pound the point thru into his mind.

 

why the condescending replies? i know i work for the public and in customer service; i am aware that i work with the public (DUH) and will thus have to deal with all types of people.

my disclaimer is that i was sleepy at the time of writing this, and perhaps i was wrong in thinking that the guy was hitting on me. i was just saying it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. i would never be mean to homeless people. i'm not some stuck-up bitch, either. i'm just shy sometimes, so i guess i don't always know how to read people.

maybe i should have given a little backstory that i didn't mention in my previous post (mainly because it's a part of my life i'd rather forget): i have dated a much older man than myself (i was 18, he was 40), and this man took advantage of me and sexually abused me. maybe that's why i get a little uncomfortable when older men say i'm pretty and such. it puts a fear in me. it doesn't mean they're bad people; it just means i'm afraid of my past repeating itself. maybe a little too afraid.

to those who simply replied with their thoughts without insinuating that i'm some stuck up bitch, thank you for your kindness.

 

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Hope I didn't come across that way. You gotta deal with all types when dealing the public and you can't change that. I forgot to tell you about the guy who comes in and always says he wants to bite my neck. I just totally ignore it and carry on with what I was doing. I just don't acknowledge it at all. Who knows what his issues are...lol

With customer service you have to put up with a lot of strange people and hopefully a few of the "normal" ones too.

 

every job i've ever had since i was a teenager was customer service of some sort. i am aware you have to deal with all types of people.

and you kinda did "come off like that," by saying, "it's called CUSTOMER SERVICE." but i'm sure you weren't actually trying to be condescending or anything. you were trying to give me some perspective. that's cool.

i'm usually pretty good at my job dealing with the public, and i do like most people. i've worked where i do for years, and i don't plan on leaving until i graduate.

when i said i don't like random strangers talking to me, i meant when i'm out and about, and i seem to attract the kind of attention i don't want from people. it frustrates me, is all.

being sleepy and trying to write a meaningful post doesn't seem to work so well.

 

jester, you are an ass. i don't give a shit if you'd hit on me or not. i wasn't asking someone to put a damn pic from my gallery up to assess whether or not they'd hit on me. i was discussing a real issue that causes me grief and confusion. fuck you for being so heartless.

 

you know what? nevermind. i'm done with hipforums. i hardly ever come on anymore, and when i do people are asswipes. to the few who are actually nice to me, i think you're wonderful people and i hope everything goes well for you. as for the people who do nothing but bully and act like assholes, just, well, fuck you. goodbye.

 

I see. Very well, I apologize. Oh, and since you're leaving hipforums, goodbye. Peace be with you.