I can't do it! It's driving me insane! Before I was pregnant, I was a sex maniac, wanting it all the time. I would even go pick up dh from work naked. Now, I feel embarassed to even touch myself. I know that the "real" me is in there, but every time i try to yell for her to come out, this little voice in my head says, "no, you're a mom now, you shoudln't be doing that." Hell, I think that I've masturbated a whole 3 times since having dd (10 months), and I only did it about the same amount of times when I was pregnant. When I was pregnant, I felt like my body wasn't mine, like it was being rented out...not only that, but it was hard to manouver myself. I thought that I would go back to my old ways after dd was born, but it never happened. Dh and I rarely have sex anymore, at all. We are also renting out my mom's basement, which probably doesn't help, but we're moving on sept.1st, and just the thought of our own apartment once again makes me want to jump him, so maybe there is hope. But something still feels wrong. I don't know why I have such a hang up about this now. Maybe it's my post-baby body, which is an inflated version of my old one....but I really don't know. I used to not be afraid to try anything, anything at all...and like I said, now I'm nervous touching myself! All that's running through my mind is, "this isn't right, you're a mom, you shouldn't be touching yourself this way anymore." It's really frustrating. I don't know what to do! I REALLY want to pick up the sex again! I never realized how important it was to a marriage!
Hormonal issues after having a baby add to it. You ARE a mom BUT only to the baby. You are ALSO your dh's wife--inflated body and all. AND you are STILL you also. Just look at it as another chapter (mom) added to the book of your life-- We all go through passages in life where one part of US is more dominant than the other parts. Even if YOU don't feel like the sex maniac you used to be your dh still needs that lovin' in his life. Good luck. And remember, it takes a long time for your hormones/body to adjust to having a baby.
Quote: Now, I feel embarassed to even touch myself. I know that the "real" me is in there, but every time i try to yell for her to come out, this little voice in my head says, "no, you're a mom now, you shoudln't be doing that." It seems to me this issue is more psychological than hormonal. The new identity label: mom Perhaps seeing oneself as a "woman".. one that you were before and are now (despite the new responsability) will relieve the stress, instead of attempting to fully incarnate some new role.
I still try to pleasure him as often as i can, but in turn from me not being all that much in the mood, dh isn't either. Which seems weird and foreign to me, considering my past. More often than not, I'm laying there waiting for it to be over. I can't find joy in it, as hard as I try, I just can't. I feel dirty after when I go to pick up dd. hrmnk~I think you're right, it really is a psychological. Like I said, the feelings are there, I'm just lacking the ability to actuallu act on it now. your comment about seeing myself as more of a woman than just a mom really helped! Thanks! Freddy~that's a pretty grim out look, I'm sure lots of women have overcome this. They just need to learn how.
Don't think of sex as a chore -- don't do it just because dh wants it, or whatever. YOU have to want it again too! And that will come with time -- and with thinking of yourself as a "woman" ... as "you" ... instead of as just a "mom." Besides, moms aren't so pure and chaste ... where do you think people got their younger brothers and sisters from?
you are a milf. just because you have a kid doesnt mean you cant be a sexual beast. if the kid is 10+ months, im sure that you have spent your share of time changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night, cleaning up messes, running to daycare, etc. why not view sex with your man as an escape from all of that. try to make time where you can be free and relaxed. maybe your parents or a friend can watch the baby for a few hours at night, so that you and your man can go out on a romantic night and have fun. you also said that you feel dirty during sexual experiences because you are a mom. well instead of feeling bad about being dirty, why not use it as a turn on. there are alot of guys that find moms sexy, so why cant you feel that way about yourself. isnt hot to have a quicke with your man while the baby is napping? wouldnt it be hot to play with yourself while your man is at the grocery store with your kid?
My first wife was really anti-sex for a long while after our first child. I think it is a natural reaction for some new mothers. It doesnt last for ever. We had a pretty good sex life when she was over it!
unfortunately, grandparents are not an option.....my dad is disabled and can't watch her, dh's parents live far away and my mom just outright refuses to let us "pawn her off" on her....oy. But that thought has crossed my mind thousands of times! As for friends, we have none, except one, who already has a 2 month old and a boyfriend who is never there to help her, so I'm not about to ask her. You're right about the dirty thing as a turn on. I have always been turned on by taboo stuff....infact, before I was pregnant, I was worried that I would get bored of everything, cuz we were trying it so fast and after one or 2 times, I was bored and wanted something else! Hell, I'm more "ashamed" now than I was before I lost my virginity! This could really help to use the negative thoughts to my benifit! I talked with dh about this on the phone tonight....he has this way of making me feel even worse about it, by saying things like, "yeah, I just don't want it anymore." He has NO idea how horrible that makes me feel...and when I tell him that, he says, "well, don't you want the truth?" It seems the minute I get my "engine revved" it's broken down the minute I confront him. Heck, when I go to surprise him with something, he pushes me away or laughs at me. It's really tough.
This should have been a very happy time for all of of you. It sounds like you have a lot more going on then what your saying. Try some family therapy at least for the babies sake. It reminds me of that saying-Children should not have Children.
Dunno what to say other then you have to change your mindset. The mommy-monitor is going to continue to fuck up your sex life unless you take steps to push it aside and feel comfortable with your sexuality again. *** Maybe masturbate in front of a mirror, try to get in touch with your body again, to see how beautiful your pussy is and how good it feels and looks touching yourself. Once you are comfortable with that, let your husband masturbate you in front of a mirrior, with you in front of him and him behind, both of you watching him fingering/rubbing you to climax. That's a good start in my opinion.
excuse me, but having children at a young age has nothing to do with this. I happen to believe that I am a very good mother, regardless of the fact that I'm young. I am mature and responsible, and thats all that matters. Having pycological problems with sex has nothing to do with it, it is a whole other matter, which, if you have read this thread, many women go through. That was just a cheap shot. My husband and I get along just fine, we are great friends. I just am having a problem differentiating from my role as a mother and any other role in my life. this piticular one has taken over me. Please do not be so judgemental.
