Seriously, guys ... what really happened

To everyone who has read and/or replied to my other two posts, here's what happened to inspire them:

A casual acquaintence and I (who have a lot in common and find each other interesting and I assume attractive) had a casual hookup several weeks ago. We were both painfully drunk -- I couldn't kiss him and when we attempted to have sex, it hurt both physically and emotionally, so (being drunk) I cried. He stopped, of course, and we sort of held each other for a few minutes; he brought a glass of water for us to share and we sat together for a while more.
He asked, quite kindly and compassionately, if I wanted to spend the night; I decided to take a cold shower to reorient myself before I said yes or no.
While I was in the shower he considerately brought a towel in, and I decided it would not be a bad idea to stay if he were still up for it -- but by the time I came back out he was dressed and had his car keys ready to drive me home.
On the drive we played music; he was quiet, but I thought he was just listening to a song he'd never heard before. We were quite comfortable, and we agreed to call each other next time either of us needed something to do (as in conversation or partying or what-have-you).
This was on a Tuesday night. I let a few days elapse so he wouldn't think I wanted a relationship, then text-messaged him on Friday night to see if he and our mutual friends (who are his housemates) wanted to go on an adventure that weekend (as we have before). He responded that he was busy all weekend, which was all right by me.
I tried again the following Tuesday, because I realized I had left something important at his house. Rather than invite me over, as he normally would have, he said he'd bring it to me the next day. He was good for his word, and we had a conversation that was normal for us in subject matter ... but he was very distant and reserved in tone and attitude, which is extremely out of character for him. I was just about to tell him that we were still friends when he informed me he had to leave, said he'd see me later, and left.
After having gone through all this trouble to prove implicitly that there were no hard feelings, I realized that I would have to do better than that, and (at the urging of mutual friends) sent him another message on Saturday stating the sentiment explicity and extending the olive branch. He has not replied.

I have a few theories on this point, based on my knowledge of him and other guys before him:
A.) He thought from my peace efforts that I wanted a relationship.
B.) He was angry that I would not give him ass.
C.) He was embarassed or upset that he had hurt me.

I'm not sure what is what. Who knows if I ever will. I know we are both recovering from painful relationships, and yes this was a stupid idea, but I had hoped we could still be friends.

Anyway, hopefully that explains my other two posts on the subject -- I was just trying to feel out what might be wrong.

 

I doubt he was angry he didnt get any ass, more likely he feels he may have screwed up a friendship. He may also take the info of your not wanting a relationship as a stop sign in some ways, and still be feeling out the boundaries being re-established in the friendship.

All that gets a bit mental for some guys, and we often find it much easier to ease out the door than face it head on. You probly just confused the poor guy with a little crying, that makes some fellas feel really awkward.

Maybe give him a little space, and let him sort it out a bit. If you talk about that situation with him, be his buddy about it and dont let the convo get too heavy - everyone appreciates having a friend who is easy going about awkward moments.

Good luck!

 

What that guy said

I think your scenarios in order of likelihood are probably C, B, and A - but that still comes from a not understanding any fear of relationships point of view.

I knew it wasn't really so hypothetical!

 

Well, I dunno -- I never actually TOLD HIM I didn't. I just went out of my way to make sure he knew I didn't, because I am pretty sure he doesn't. (His pick-up line was, "I'm drunk. What are your opinions about casual sex, because I would really like some right now.")
To be really honest, I'd date the guy if he asked me to, but I'm not chomping at the bit for it -- especially because I know that, like me, he's going through (quote from secondhand source) "some emotional stuff" from a previous relationship.
In other words, neither of us are ready to be more than casual friends and occasional hump-buddies, which is more than fine by me.

That's why I was trying to prove that he hadn't.

No kidding. I had just hoped we had gotten over that ...

Good idea, I had wanted to do that. But at this point I am also tired of the "let's avoid each other" game because it makes my social life so much more awkward than it normally is.

Of course. I was easygoing about it, ready to act like nothing had ever happened ... but now that I know it was such a problem for him, I feel pretty bad about it and (as mentioned above) want to get it out of the way.

I'm a free-loving, slightly nyphomaniacal neo-beatnik hippie, and associate with the same. I assume that most guys are afraid of having relationships because all of the guys I have known, have been. Those who were willing to try (ahem, my poet) were only willing to go so far, and then I had to go back into hiding lest someone else see that we were closer than your average strangers ...

So why does it seem I am damned if I don't and act like I don't, as well as damned if I do and act like I don't? Not to mention damned if I do and act like I do. I just can't figure out what guys want me to do -- no matter the situation, honesty (for as much as they trump it) seems to be a huge turnoff, yet lying is no good either.

 

I figure your best guess is c. The guy is embarrased and feels he's dassapointed you sexually. Worst still, he caused you pain instead of pleasure. Your into male pride territory here. As a guy feeling that you have failed to satisfy a woman is embarrasing and not good for the ego. Hes proberly not blaming you but does feel inadequate. He may need to just get over it.

 

Why would it matter what guys want you to do? Why not just do what you want to do and wait for the guys who are willing to join you on the journey? As for the honesty dilemma, my vote is still on the side of being honest - it will turn some people off, but the people it doesn't turn off will be worth it.

 

'Cause I'd like to be able to keep one from throwing me away ... :&

'Cause I have zero patience.
Also, I like passing some of my journey with some of these people ... but then I always tend to piss them off and make them get off the train (so to speak).