What I am about to talk about isn't something I bring up in a discussion group, hardly ever. I actually AVOID it, keeping my mouth shut, never talking about my "sex" life. Over the years, and my life, I've been thinking about it quite a lot, explored certain areas to understand myself more, etc, etc. Let me just say this in short: I'm 23 and a virgin I need to give you some background, so you can understand and work with it. I remember watching The 40 Year Old Virgin, and felt like a complete horse's ass because of how close that movie felt to my life. I CANNOT end up 40 like that guy. Anyways, whenever I say I'm 23 and a virgin, it seems to shock a lot of people I talk to, like this "WOW" sort of ordeal. A lot of times I feel ashamed of the fact, but then I don't know why I should conform to society's standards, or the way pop culture has massive influence on our generation. For starters, I was raised religious (Christian), but am not part of any religious sect anymore. I have experimented with many psychoactive drugs such as LSD and MDMA exploring myself, world perspectives, etc. I jack off frequently like most men, and have had (must be) hundreds of orgasms, so I know the feeling. I also have found that I am not gay, considering attempts from other men (which I was clueless), also under influence of certain drugs at the time, never once getting aroused by interacting with another man, or looking at gay porn. Even gay guys know I'm straight now. I've also been told from gay, straight, girls, and guys that I am fairly attractive. I'm not necessarily scared by the "looks" department. Not to brag, but I have turned an attractive blind date into wanting me after the night, but it ended there because I wasn't very interested (mainly personality), but knew how to show a girl a good time (but lord I was tired). I have been to strip clubs twice (with friends), had lap dances, dollar dances, etc...but never got hard off of it. I can't really remember a time I just looked at a girl and got hard. I know when they're attractive, and cute, but my body physically doesn't react like some guys I've talked to. I have had a crush before on a girl my senior year of high school. My heart weighed 50lbs and I literally had physical chest pain. Unfortunately, it happened 2 weeks before graduation, and I tried to talk as much as I could with her, but it simply wasn't enough time. Life sucks. I have tried to get acquainted with girls, and have done a few dates. I've had "girls as friends" too, so I'm not girl shy. Most I've met either had boyfriends (which I met), were moving, wanted me but I didn't want them, or turned out to be teasing bitches. I'm still in college, finishing up, and have transferred 3 times, hopping around the nation. I haven't been in one place for a long period of time. As far as my values go, I'm not a guy that goes bar hopping or clubbing. I've been in bars and clubs, and they are not my scene for girls. Not bound to any religion, I see my dick/sex as a contract. It's like having a million dollars to give away, and ONLY a million. Would I give it away to some random chick I got drunk with on Saturday night, or would it go to someone who really DESERVED it, who was interesting, quality, everything I've wanted? Even if I had 2 million, it doesn't make it as meaningful to the quality girl, if I gave another million to a random girl. I'm thinking that "marriage" sort of thing. I consider myself strong willed, and feel if I make a decision, I should stick to it, especially when it is an educated one. My sister is married, and she's had sex a LOT before marriage. When she was engaged, she told me personally to wait, because it had lost the flare and meaning. I have told my friends this recently in face to face discussions. Here is where I worry: I feel fine with my left hand giving the "pleasure" end. I worry that if I get too close to a girl I may be interested in, she will immediately be thinking sex in the short term (or that night), and be expecting it. If I show a girl, too good of time, I may give her the wrong impression that I'm another guy wanting some hardcore action. It's amazing what pressure society puts on you because you haven't ejaculated inside another person, rather your hand, even though the end result is roughly the same. The only difference I see is a warm body, and a possible real relationship going with it (which is what I would want). A nightmare I have is a night where I DO find some attractive, great woman, we are in a bedroom, she's getting naked, all wet, telling me to throw myself at her........and my dick isn't up. I know the woman is attractive, I know this is supposed to be hot, but why am I not responding. I'm locked up, I'm scared. My mind is in the right place, but my body isn't. My pride and dignity are destroyed. This could go for even a one night stand situation in a local bar or club. It's like I have 0 sex drive in the real world. I've always been genuinely attracted to girls, it's just dealing with these insecurities, the tension, being afraid of the worst. I don't know HOW I ended up like this. It's like the Sex Wizard didn't cast the magic spell on me. I feel like I've done about everything BUT sex. Dates, make out, strippers, titties, whatever, but you don't need your dick for that. For all the experienced, unexperienced, guys, girls. Is what I'm saying strange? Are there more people like this than I know? Or is there an issue I have to try, my mind not in the right place. How would people actually react in my nightmare situation? Should I jack up on Viagra? Are the majority of girls all wanting sex in short term relationships, or is it mainly the crowd you're around? Need advice. Thanks.
you have a really good head on your shoulders. You remind me of my friend annie. she is wicked cute, amazing personality, funny, smart...yet she has never even had a bf! as far as you and being a virgin, don't worry, someone just as cool is out there. Its just, level headed people such as yourself are in the minority, so it will take longer. Be patient, be yourself, have fun and something will happen, just do not sell out like so many of us have in the name of hornyness. a lot of girls in there 20s are dumb and go for assholes.
honestly, dont even worry about it. i know that seems impossible since its causeing you so much tension inside. just understand that there are an incredible amount of people (women) out there looking for a man SUCH AS YOURSELF and when you two find another, it will be worth all the stress your feeling. just keep doing what you are doing; meet people, date, and live up to your own standard. theres NOTHING wrong with not wanting to sleep around. what a disgusting world- weve made people beleive that there is something WRONG with wanting to keep yourself for love. i hope that you will continue to not give into the opinions of others, and go at your own pace. good luck with everything, and just know that one day all of this will pay off.
I remember watching "The 40-year-old Virgin" and stopping the DVD player way before the middle of the movie. It just depressed me so much. Now, I'm not a virgin, but I am far from being the most experienced. And for the longest time before I met Ayumi I led a life similar to that of the protagonist's in the movie. A lot of people, my own family included, have questioned my sexual orientation because of that. What was so annoying was people would keep on asking me: "So, do you have a girlfriend? Are you seeing someone?" And when I'd say no, they'd be like: "Why?". And all the while I'd be feeling like a freak or a weirdo. And just like you, I have asked myself, "What's wrong with me?" So first of all, you're not alone. Second, what you're saying is not really strange to me. Should you jack up on Viagra? Better ask a doctor. As for the rest of your questions, I'm sorry but it's one in the morning where I am now and I'm just too tired. I'll get back to you. Peace bro!
Stop worrying about normal-ness so much. No ones really normal, its just sort of an average that we work by. Sounds like youre verging on asexual to me though. I mean, not necessarily totally, but like you just happen to have a really low sex drive. Hey, no worires, tehre are plenty of folks out there who are wired like that too. Not me personality, I verge on being a nympho, but there are many out there to whom sex isnt teh be all end all of the universe.
I didn;t read it all, sorry. But I thought I would offer you this. My uncle was a virgin till he was 45 years old, he found a girl who makes him uber happy and hes not a virgin anymore. Don't worry your still young, it will happen when its the right time.
You sound like a good man with morals and a good ideal about not being a typical slutty male. Don't worry about being a 23/virgin....it's not a big deal. It's actually kinda cool.
