This is really long but please take time to read. I have been really deppressed for about 8 or 9 months or so... started a few mounths after I started highschool(or is it collage its called.... anyway where you go after nine years in the basic school). I met this girl there (my first to be honest) and we became a couple after a few weeks. Every thing was fine until cristmass i gues. I became more and more unconfortable in my school, didn't have any friends there or anything, and I had lost contact whith most of my old friends. So the only support I had was this love of mine, which I realized now wasnt really threating me that good. Anyway she broke up whith me after I came home from a holiday, and we were supposed to be toghether for the whole two weeks(its been a maximum of four days in a row otherwise). During my holiday I was feeling so damn bad becaus of her(will come to that later), and I just wanted to tell her to piss of so that I didn't have to feel this way. But I looked forward to these two weeks. Our relation was in a crisis and I knew it woulden't last much longer (been togheter for like 10 monthes), however that time was the best possible moment to hurt me, (i also had a summer job for a couple of weeks and that made it even worse). I never felt so bad befour, spended a few days crying, however I realised that I still have my firends and they were a great support. Love is really nothing but a drug that makes your senses fail. Your brain shut down your ability to critisize, and also sends out an chemical that makes you feel real good. So now that I hopefully dont have any feelings left, I can look back and see that she wasn't "a really good girlfriend". You see I had a big problem, when I was not with her, I was constantly angry at her, and I didn't know what this came from. And to hate someone you love dose really tear you appart. I thought this had to do with my depression, but I know realized that it was because of her. My biggest regret I gues is that I didn't breake up with her, that I actually let her threat me like that. It's hard to explain how she was and I do not attempt it. I know it really sounds like I was pissed that she broke with me, but its pretty much complicated, we had a really complex relation, which I won't do the mistake of again... I guess my friend was right, never, ever get dependent of someone. By the way i'm starting in a new school about a week
