Crazy* jokes thread

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded, "It's my wash cloth."

Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?"

The mother responded, "I lost it."

The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth.

A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth."

The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"

The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing daddy's face with it."

 

A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms,
with pesticides on it. Where do I find'em?" The
pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with Spermicide, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4." "NO,NO, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer. Sir, said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, Spermicide is for killing sperm. I'm sure thats what you mean Spermicide not Pesticide. "Listen Here," argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on it, my wife has a bug up her ASS, and I aim to KILL IT.

 

1. Afternoon Quickie

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

2. Duct Tape

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

"I kicked her in the face."

3.Girls night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

 

how do u make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

wipe your bloody dick off on her teady bear

 

LMFAO

 

my friend offered me a frozen bannana and i said no, but i want a regular bannana later so yeaah

-mitch hedburg

 

whats black and blue and doesnt like sex.....the small boy in the back of my car

 

This One Time, This Innocent Young Kid Got, Like, Abused And Shit, It Was So Funny!

 

^wow, sure must have been

 

yah those jokes about rapeing 8 yr old girls are pretty hilarious

 

And the kid knowing when his parents are fucking is funny? Or seeing each of his parents naked, his dad with the maid? That's fucking disgusting. Pretend you saw your mom's bush. Think about it. RIGHT NOW. Feel a little queasy? But I bet you still laughed at the joke. You may not agree with it. You don't have to go tell it. You can forget it if you want. But it's still funny, because it's so gross or wrong. That doesn't mean go out and act it out.

Carlos Mencia made a great point. "Either it's all ok, or nothing is."

 

...hmmm, I'm not exactly sure, but I think you took those jokes a little to seriously... right...

 

hahaha...terrible.


yeah seriously, youre all taking these JOKES too seriously. no dead baby jokes please, they just suck.

 

whats worse than finding 8 dead babies in a trash can?


Finding 1 dead baby in 8 trash cans


OMG!

 

fuck i'd rather find 1 in 8 cans then 8 in 1, at least it would be mutalated beyond recognition

ZING!

 

I'm just saying funny's funny no matter how wrong it is.

 

OOH, ok. I thought you were saying we were all sick fucks for even telling jokes like that... I think the baby and child rape ones are a little disturbing but mine were funny lol

 

No, I've heard and told the "make her cry twice" joke, it's probably the worst I've heard, but it's still funny. I was saying there's a difference between jokes and real life. Real life fucking 8 year old girls/killing babies is bad, but jokes are exactly that. I tried to clear it up especially with the Mencia quote; he says a lot of controversial stuff but he says that if we can laugh at some shit, then we should laugh at everything, or nothing at all. If something is funny, that's all there is to it.

 

Back to the child rape jokes!!