Spanking kids? Your thoughts?

What are your thoughts?

I think it's so wrong, to use violence, especially on your own child. There are other effective ways of discipline, such as taking a toy away or time-out rather than using violence to make them obey you.

I think that's where kids get the idea of harming others. Example: when on the playground, a little boy punches another little boy for taking his swing. It was the only swing left. I think, when someone does something we don't like, that's where we get the idea to hurt them. Er, at least helps it anyway.

If I ever have kids, I want them to learn from me, not be afraid of me. (Now I'm not judging parents who do use that method, because I know parents who did that and their kids turned out great, but still) You wouldn't hit your spouse, or a parent or friend or other relative (at least I'm hoping not) so why would you hit your kid? Ah, I'm done here for now.

 

I grew up among conservative christians (you know the type, spare the rod and spoil the child), and I remember plenty of times when my friends parents would haul off and whale on their kids butts for one thing or the other (usually disobedience or back-talking) and they would literally hit their kid 15 times or so, and this was right in front of me. I never understood what kind of lesson that taught their kids. Giving that kind of reaction in anger to your child teaches them that people deserve to be hit. It is also demeaning, a bigger person taking advantage of one's smaller status, and only angers and upsets a child (and when in front of their friends humiliates them) rather than gives them a lesson to learn. How are you going to swat a kid on the butt 10 times for hitting his sister and truely expect them to get the message?

I was spanked (albeit rarely) as a child myself. There were two offenses in my house you were spanked for. Lying and going out in the road. However, it was never done when my parents were angry, if they had to postpone a spanking so they could calm down they would do that. And it was one swat, two if we tried to whine our way out of it. It still hurt my feelings more than anything (but was very effective in keeping me out of the road). If a parent wants to spank as a measure of discipline then they should at least be able to control their anger and emotions and not go off and beat their child on the ass while they're screaming all the wrong things they've done, like I have seen from other parents quite a few times.

And I've seen the opposite (paticularly in my husbands case) where parents are completely against spanking, but also seem to forgo all measures of discipline. That is a mistake as well. As a child my husband ruled the roost of his household, threw temper tantrums and got his way, broke toys in the store so his mom would HAVE to buy them, and the worse he acted the more he got what he wanted.

I agree that there are other effective methods of discipline that don't have your children afraid of getting hit by you. It is important for parents to discipline their children, for the children's safety and the parent's sanity, and there are far better ways then hitting them. Spanking is just the old-school method, and I think that is starting to change in many households. There will certainly be no spanking in mine.

 

I'm curious why so many condemn the
'old-school method' of doing things...
especially when said method has proven success
unlike new fangled methods.

Anyone remember 'new math'?
An entire Generation was behind the 8 ball
when it came to advanced math.

Spanking is yet another example.
Survey educational/ law enforcement/ judicial Folk to see
just how successful the hands off approach isn't.

Hands off appears absolutely marvelous
in a a Starbuck's dicussion.
Not surprizingly it doesn't work nearly as often in R/L...

 

The word discipline means "to teach". That's what we do. We NEVER punish. We don't yell, do time outs, or force our children to do anything, especailly not hit (I don't say spank, it is HITTING) I don't like to be treated that way, why would my child? We offer choices. We negotiate EVERYTHING, except running in the road, running away from mommy, and anything else that has to do with safety. We negotiate bedtime, teethbrushing, food, etc. My son is very exhuberant and spirited, and yet he is very well-behaved. We have respect for him, and he has it for us (well, most of the time, he is only 2!!!).

 

I was spanked for doing things I was told not to do over and over. I'm just fine.

But, once in Wal-Mart, I saw this lady PUNCH her daughter (Who looked to be about 1) for picking on her brother (I'm guessing about 6 or 7). THAT is abuse.

 

Personally, I don't want my children to "turn out fine". I want much better for them. There are a lot of things that parents do that aren't right, that doesn't mean I want to continue the cycle with my kids.

If you talked to an adult in a way they didn't like and they hit you, they would be arrested. But if we do it to children its called "spanking". I don't think we should give it a cute name, lets call it what it is. Hitting. Abusing.

Its the same with letting babies cry it out. I would never allow my husband to cry himself to sleep. Or my friends. Or my mom. But I am supposed to let my NEWBORN BABY???? That's ridiculous.

 

To imply that spanking is the only form of discipline that works is rediculous. I wouldn't hit an adult that was operating against my wishes (and would be in some major trouble if I did), I wouldn't hit my husband, my parents, my friends, my co-workers, and I feel the same about my child. Hitting someone is not the only form of discipline that works, and i think it shows a certain lack of control in a person that does so. It is always easier to rule by fear, but that doesn't mean it's the best for your children. A family is not a dictatorship.

 

That wasn't said to offend you, if you took it that way. I didn't even read your post before.

 

Oh moon, I didn't mean to direct that towards you. The whole "turn out fine" explanation is used by many people, not just you. Its just not how we do things in our family.

 

How do you negotiate with a two year old? They don't even have complete thoughts yet. Anyways give it time and you will see IMO. We use a variety of methods including spanking. Spanking, not beating. It is reserved mostly for serious infractions and fit throwing. If they are in "time-out" and start kicking etc. It is very effective and has worked when nothing else would work. To each thier own though. Spanking is far from abuse when you are using restraint.

 

I'd much prefer my kids to respect me rather than fear me. I don't expect obedience, I expect respect. And I get that respect, by always being respectful to them and treating them the way I want them to treat others. Hitting is never okay, not in our house, not in our lives. When a man controls a woman's behavior through violence or threats of physical punishment, that's abuse, plain and simple. Why is it ever okay to control a child's actions through threats and violent behavior? I have one rule, that's all. Never hurt someone else. I have to follow the rule too, if I ever expect my children to do so as well.

 

That is exactly the kind of mind-set that makes it difficult to communicate with a 2 year old. If you understand that a 2 year old might be completely sentient, might be able to understand basic concepts a bit better than a psychologist might lead you to believe, then maybe you can negotiate, albiet every simply, with them.

I was 2, almost 3, when I started to read. Reading dictates that you must have complete thinking in order to accomplish it. If we stop listening to our society's "experts" and start listening to our children maybe we'll see exactly what they are capable of!

 

that's absurd! Or maybe my kids are just that much more intelligent than others? I don't think so... Two year olds are perfectly coherent. They understand what you say to them, if you say it often enough and say the same thing in many different ways. Number one mistake most parents make is to think their children's behavior is a reflection on their parenting ability. Your child's behavior is only a reflection of themselves, not on you at all. When my oldest child was having major behavioral problems, it wasn't from lack of discipline, it was because certain foods were driving her over the edge into a blind rage. Finding the trigger for the behavior, and eliminating the root of the problem, made the poor behavior and scary fits go away.

 

It wasn't my intent to imply
'spanking is the only form of discipline that works'.

I do agree
'Hitting someone is not the only form of discipline that works,...'
but not totally w/the following as
control/ lack of control depends on the individual/ situation.
'...and i think it shows a certain lack of control in a person that does so.'

Appears we're speaking different, yet similar dialects, eh?

 

I think spanking is usually about the parent's anger and not about helping the child learn or grow. I don't spank my kids. We do use time outs with the little one and the loss of priviledges for the older one. If you honestly believe your child is too young to understand talking to what on earth do you think they make of being hit? Especially by the person they depend on most in the world? If you are angry enough to hit your child PLEASE walk away for a minute, take a breath, give yourself some space to get it together. Hitting teaches kids that the way to get someone to do something against their will is by violence,is this what you want your kids to believe? Would you want your child to hit a much smaller child so they could take their toys? You would never condone that,but I think by spanking you do condone it, you show them it's perfectly fine to hit much smaller people if you are not getting your way or you are angry or or stressed out or whatever. HOnestly my children have had friends who's parents spank and hit and those kids have never shown any "better" behavior than mine do. I think also way to many parents have totally unrealistic expectations and don't know what age-appropriate behavior is,don't think about children being hungry,sleepy etc when they go out somewhere, would rather take the easy way out and hit than be the adult.

 

Oh my God! She punched her baby? In public, nonetheless? That's awful. I feel so sorry for those kids.

 

I didn't say talking to. I said negotiate. Maybe all your children are the smartest in the world. Spanking a child has nothing to do with anger. If it does then I agree its abuse. It is about setting a boundry that can't be crossed irregardless.

Maybe you did but most kids are not reading at this age. Memorizing yes some word and number recognition yes but reading?

Anyways to each their own and I wish all of you sucess in your parenting methods. I just don't agree.

 

Yea. It was so, so sad.
It was hard enough to move her a good couple inches across the isle. (Yes, babies are pretty unbalanced, but you could just tell it was hard.) Poor kid.

 

i was spanked, and it did nothing for me. Nothing at all but make me mad, upset, and it still didn't stop me from doing the bad things that i was doing in the first place. i remember spray painting my dad's boat and he made me pull down my pantas so he could whip me with his belt, the all time favourite of his, and i went back out a week later and spray painted the shed.
I have decided to take another approch to raising leane. When my parents either threatened to hit or actually did it, it never made me realize why I shouldn't actually be doing the bad things that I was, but instead made me think, "well, I shouldn't do this and that because I'll be hit."
I don't want leane to grow up thinking that. I don't want her to grow up fearing me. It does nothing but teach kids that if something upsets you, use violence. And then we teach kids that hitting another kid is wrong. But their parent's can hit them? What the hell!? It's hypocritical! I can't figure out what would confuse a kid more; telling them that they can't hit, when they're getting hit by those very people, or actually hitting them!!!!!
Just like a lot of other people said, hitting another adult is seen as asult and abuse. But go ahead and hit your kids. Yeah, don't bother trying to reason with them, they're all to dumb to understand you, so just go and hit them, that'll fix the problem. Hit hit hit. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.
Kids are their own people. we do not own them. Yes, we are responsible for them; we brought our kids into this world, but they are humans who have the same rights as we do and they deserve no less than to be treated with the same respect that we expect for ourselves.