He came home from work yesterday, crying, and looking more depressed than I have ever seen him to be in the 3 years that I have known him and spent basically every day with him. I know that he and his super were not getting along for a few weeks now, but whenever I asked him if his super said something to surface some feelings, he said no...nothing. He kept saying he just can't get "motivated" So I asked him do you feel tired or less energetic? He said no. I asked him do you feel lazy, like you just don't want to do anything? He said no. But when I asked him if he felt less interested in things than before, or even less interested in things that he used to always be interested in...he said "yeah, kind of" He also seemed distraught that he doesn't completely know what he wants to do with his life [mainly, career]--- I told him that was normal for 20 year olds...and it is. But then he started getting upset and saying that even if he did know what he wanted to do, he couldn't do anything about it because he has no money for school, and never will because he has child support. And that it would be difficult to go to school because he would always have to be working full time, still. I asked him if the main thing that was bothering him was money and he said "yeah, kind of" And as much as this might seem easy to work with, I know how he feels---I constantly find myself slipping into depressions over MONEY. It's the most stressful thing in my life. I'm really worried about him, because I could see this complete pain in his eyes. He kept saying "I suck" and he isn't happy with himself. He also thinks he's going to let me down, because he's let everyone else in his life "down" in the past. I reassured him he wouldn't...but I know that won't make a difference to him. I told him he should see a counselor again---he was for a while because of probation orders, but now that he's off probation he doesn't see a counselor anymore. Nor does he have money or health insurance to. He could join the union at work to obtain health insurance but he doesn't have money to join the union, and he said he would feel terrible if I paid for him to get into the union. Please, anyone suggestions... I am SO worried for him. We aren't married yet, so I can't put him on my health insurance---I would if I could. But, I also know that there isn't much that I can do for him... I'm not a professional. What else can I do? Should I just pay for his union dues anyway? I told him I wouldn't ask him to pay me back if debt was a concern to him...
Some councilors and therapists work on a sliding scale system, which could save a lot of money. Another option would be to try calling a free healthcare clinic and see if they can help or if they know another facility that can, or to try calling several psychologists/psychiatrists to see if they know of any places that can help. This site could help as well: http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/locator/NDSDmap.aspx
It sounds to me like he is stressed out and worried about finances. He is worried because he is in a job that doesn't pay as much money as he would like. This is due to the fact that he doesn't have a degree (or at least that is how he sees it). So, my advice to him and to you, is for him to just go to college. He can do it part time (though it isn't easy, if he truely wants it, he can do it) or he can even go full time, and either work part time or not work... and yes, still be able to pay the bills. Why can't he get a loan or financial aid or a scholarship or anything for school? Has he tried? The reason I ask is not to be a bitch, but because I am in a similar situation. I opted not to go to college right out of high school because I have this problem with constantly changing my mind, especially when it comes to my career decisions. I've been like this since I was small. The running joke in my family was always "so what does Jenny want to be this week?" It was cute until I was about 16 and trying to fill out college applications, at which point, my father cut me off emotionally and financially. So, I moved out when I was 17 and had to support myself which meant working full time (second shift) so I could finish high school with honors. However, that meant that I didn't have time to take the extra "collge prep" classes that would have greatly helped me get into a college. I didn't know anything about financial aid and honestly I didn't have anyone to help me. It was my own fault for not going to my counselor. Anyway, my point is, if he knows that he wants to go to school and make something of himself, then what he needs to do is march down to the school he wants to go to (and a word of advice, start in a community college that transfers to a univeristy, it is a whole lot cheaper that way) and talk to a financial aid counselor. For years I had been taking only one or two classes at a time at CC trying to inch my way to a degree when my boyfriend finally said, you just need to go get the damn loan and go full time to get this finished. They will base his aid on his current income and the debt that goes out (since you aren't married yet this is a good thing because you don't have to list your income). Some schools will give him money for living expenses which will include enough to pay rent and food and books and other stuff. Yeah he might have to pay some of it back in like 20 or 30 years, but hopefully by then he will have a degree that will help him to earn more money and be in a position to pay it back. Just some thoughts, but what you described sounds like me exactly. I get so upset about not being able to get the kind of job that I know I am capable of simply because I don't have that piece of paper. And by the way, if you don't have a college degree, you should think about going to school too. Both of you at the same time could work. Or you could plan to have him go and finish then you go. good luck.
