Final Destination

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by BrideOfLibertine, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. BrideOfLibertine

    BrideOfLibertine Member

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    The wheels turn and turn until one day we reach our destination. The train conductor announces "it is time". I fade away behind the two-way mirror where I become distorted, to you, in a foggy haze of one thousand and one spectators' smoke and laughter. You look back and say "I once knew a girl like that." you pause "What ever happened to her?"
     
  2. deep_blue_death03

    deep_blue_death03 Member

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    So much said with so few words. I love it. It paints a visual in my mind and sets the mood very effectively. It ends, leaving you deep in thought, wondering, as if you, yourself, were in the poem.
     
  3. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    this had nothing to do with a bunch of teens getting killed in gory ways and a mediocre story in between deaths to make it a legitimate film...

    but I still liked it :D

    I actually didn't expect to, with such a cliche title
    but you used that play on words to create a very solid metaphor
    and the atmosphere the writing creates was superb
     
  4. BrideOfLibertine

    BrideOfLibertine Member

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    Thank you. Actually the title started out being "Distorted, to you, in a foggy haze of one thousand and one spectators" It was an ending, an excerpt, from a longer rant that I had written. A note really.
     
  5. BrideOfLibertine

    BrideOfLibertine Member

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    That's the effect I strove for. Thanks for your comment, it's much appreciated :)!
     
  6. DelxPez

    DelxPez Member

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    wow, it gave me exactly the same effect!
    very beautiful.... we want more! :)
     

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