long distance relationships???

can someone really stay true to their morals and intent when they go off to college??
i'll be in maryland for school, and my true love will be in georgia. we plan to stay together...but im worried about the likelyhood of that really happening....

 

it won't. i've never seen it work.

odds are he'll be fucking randoms within the first weekend.

 

i've seen it work. its hard work to keep it going, but it can work if both of you put in the effort

 

It really depends,I have seen the long distance thing work with peoplw who were really in love,on the other hand I have also people who have cheated on their partner jsut becuase they wanted a peice of ass

 

As long as he isn't hideously ugly and/or socially inept, he will probably cheat (or break up with you). Some girl will take a liking in him and eventually hornyness will take over.

Either that or you will find someone else first.

 

yep any guy will cheat ANY. unless he thinks of you as his true love as well then he will also cheat and feel bad about it. spooner and fister got it right

 

I would also like to add (this is just my opinion) that ANY girl will cheat in similar circumstances. These things just seem to happen when people are apart for long periods of time with plenty of opportunities for sex with other people.

 

At your age, it probably won't work out. It can happen -- I've seen it done, and NEITHER person cheated (it's pretty sad that the previous responses are quite so cynical).

But, at your age, you tend to grow apart and wind up breaking up (often without any cheating going on -- though often because the dumper found someone s/he wants to date legitimately). It takes a LOT of work on both sides to make an ldr work, as well as being rather expensive in travel to visit one another. Also, the only times I've seen this sort of thing work were times when the couple had a set time when they would be back together, generally not more than 2 years. When will you and your significant other live in the same city again?

 

are you talking about and open relationship??? weve discussed this factor (back when i thought id be in the same state with him) but my whole thing is im like its either where together or not, why have separate breaks in the relationship??? he made it very, very clear that even if we did do an open relationship, he would jus go on dates w/ ppl but never have sex with them. we havent even had sex yet and he feels that our bodies belong soley to each other and he wouldnt want to jepordize that. when i said why i didnt want one, he didnt press the issue but to this day i dont know how much he really wants one. but i really feel hes down for it, because (along with his overall personality) when he first asked me out, right after school, he said he was interested in a long term relationship.

in a semester to a year, yes we will be going to school in the same city (takening for granted he doesnt change his school nor i change my plans). and our families are in the same city up here, so are our same group of close friends who go to school here. why is it so important to have an open relationship anyway??

 

Ummmm.... How on earth did you get that out of my post?

I've known couples who have survived with neither partner cheating (or otherwise dating, kissing, screwing, etc. anyone else in some "open" agreement). I have also seen plenty of examples in which neither partner cheated, merely because s/he broke up with their significant other before dating someone new (even if he was making out with the new girl 10 min after dumping his previous gf, he technically did not cheat).

Personally, I tend to be pretty damn jaded about open relationships -- first, if you're not ready to commit, just stay single, and second, if you do want to commit, an open relationship seems like nothing more than an engraved invitation for problems, jealousies, etc. So no, I'm not suggesting an open relationship in way, shape, or form.

I'm simply suggesting that a ldr can work with neither partner cheating (as seems to be the blanket assumption of the previous replies). But, that takes a LOT of work and a serious commitment from both partners, including committing a LOT of time to talking and really communicating about even the smallest little problem, because the distance can multiply every tiny little irritation if you let it.

 

oh okay i see. i got confused because you said "set time being back together" meaning they broke up and got back together for a certain period of time. but i see you mean the distance thing is a set amount of time, instead of just for whenever. so yeah i guess we have a set amount of time since he'll be up here for breaks and whatnot

 

it won't work. people change. college changes people like woah! being away makes one lonely and lonliness makes you seek someone to fill those needs. it's human nature.

 

^^ damn! that kinda sucks...so love has no say is this kinda thing??? im shocked that college changes things that much when love is unconditional

 

It can work. Mine is working. We do only have to be in seperate cities for a year, but it's a year too long..

I trust him, and I've never cheated on him, next year we are moving in together. I think the distance has helped us evaluate what it is we want and need, i.e. each other.

However, that said, I don't think I would have been ready for the distance thing when I first started university (2003). I'm kind of older now, even if it's just a few years, i'm a little less Party! Party! and i'm ready for a real, adult, comitted, long haul relationship. So i think if you are in that frame of mind yes, long distance can absolutely work...it will be hard, but it will work.

good luck

 

college changes you in every way you can think of. I'm a completely different person. People's minds and bodies wonder when the "other" is not around. You can tell eachother how much you love eachother, but that still won't change the fact that he/she needs/wants sex. Sex is a natural act. You can't hold someone back when you are away growing yourself. Holding someone back is being selfish in your part. You can both still love eachother, but face the fact that he/she will experiment with other people. College is all about experimentation. Why not make your relationship an open relationship?

 

1. So trying to stay together means holding someone back? Do you not believe that two people can grow together, neither holding the other back?

2. Not everyone likes (or wants) to fuck around. My fiance was 27 when we started dating and had only been with 5 or 6 women before me. Sex without love on some level is pointless to him -- he'd rather just go masturbate. So, had he met the right person early, he would be the type who could have been with only one woman for his whole life. How do you know this girl's bf isn't the same way?

This thread is really disturbing to me. The extreme cynicism of some responses is really depressing. While, yes, you do change quite a bit at college, and you do need to experiment to find out who you are, that doesn't equal needing to fuck around (it could mean experimenting in taking classes in subjects you know nothing about, meeting new platonic friends, etc.), that doesn't necessarily mean that you can't make a long term relationship work. It will take work -- but that is true whether you are 18 or 30 or 50. I don't know of anyone who is in a successful, long term relationship who doesn't have to WORK on the relationship to keep it going well.

The real question is: How much work are each of you willing to put into this relationship?

 

we are willing to put in all the work nessissary. i mean, since day 1, the day he asked me out which was like the 1st day of summer vacation after senior year he said ' i can see you and me in a long term relationship' and he explained that even tho he was going away for school, our connection was too deep for him to not try and give us a chance & weve been unseparable ever since. so, he was always serious and thought about the whole college thing before he put it on the table.

weve even gone into the scenerio of us being in an open relationship (but i desided its not a good deal), and even then he said that he wouldnt kiss or have sex with any ppl he meets.

 

I'm not saying that this can never work, but what I am saying is don't be upset if it doesn't because I went through something like this and I tore me in so many pieces when I found out that my x b/f was with 5 other girls.

 

Don't get me wrong I really do feel for you but i think this thread belongs in a relationship forum. not higher ed. I really dont get anything about education in here just your relationship problems. I do hope it works for you though

 

you've only been dating... four months?

i remember when i was 18, i would have sworn up and down that i could do the long distance thing and that love would keep me alive and all that... then you grow up no offense, just don't stick all your little eggies in one basket with a boy who also isn't grown up yet either.