i really need some advice

what can i do lately i have been stuck in a rut sexually when my wife and i first got to gether we were at it nonstop but the last 5 or 6 yrs ive been focused on fulfilling my fantasy which i know my wife objects to dont get me wrong i am still madly in love with her but for along time nothing but fulfilling my fantasy is more important right now should i just go out and do it i have no interest in any other form of sex with her i sleep with my wife everynight but im just not excited by her anyadvice would be appreciated if not im going to cut the damn thing off its just a hinderance my marriage is on the line i want and need to save it

 

this would get alot more responses in the love and sex forum.....

anyways....id help you out but....

im 16.....

have a good one

 

What is your fantasy?

 

Are you looking for a person or persons outside your marriage for participation, or is it something you wish for just you and her to try by yourselves?

If things are shaky between you and her, and you try to involve another party or couple, it's more likely to bring on more problems. If things are great between the two of you, and you merely have some sexual compatibility issues, there are all sorts of possibilities in ways of dealing with it. If you have really good communication skills, the possibilities are numerous.

 

Sounds like it's time for a Three some.

 

Well it seems to me you are more interested in whatever this sexual kink of yours is. I will tell you this if you are bugging her constantly about something she is against of coarse you are not going to be close. If you are not close then she is going to be closed off sexually. If you want your marriage to work forget about the fantasy. She knows what it is so she can decide on her own if she wants to help you out there. It is never going to happen with you acting like that. Anyways, have fun you will probably throw your marriage away for this fantasy but you will probably soon realize it was fun while it was happening but the emptyness will return. Devoat yourself to her and she just might do the same for you. Good luck.

 

Sex is just sex, if you love her it shouldn't matter. Come on, man. Love is everything. You don't want to throw your marriage away because of some fantasy you'd probably get over in time. And if you don't and actually go out and do something with someone else in order to fullfill it, you might lose her and then regret doing something so foolish for the rest of your life. You also have to think about other things such as STD's and guilt. You never know what could happen. What if you had the mentality that one time won't hurt and you end up getting something really bad that you pass on to her and ruin both of your lives. Or what if the giult ate you up inside so badly that you could never please your wife again? Think about it. A monogamous relationship is one of the most beautiful things in this world. If you love her, hold on to her. You don't need some specific kind of sex in order to be happy. Growing old with your wife should be your only fantasy. Just lay back, meditate, and try and picture all the wonderful things you and your wife do together and will continue doing. Love her and cherish her, and don't let a silly fantasy destroy that. In time you'll realise how rediculous it was for you to even think this way. I hope I helped.

Peace,

~ Sway

 

My answer is you are selfish. But rather than bring a disease home to the wife you obviously don't care about but feel guilty towards, how about just telling her that you are going to cheat, so she can at least protect herself. We all know you are going to cheat on her anyway, and you are just looking for our blessing or someone to validate your opinion. Guess you barked up the wrong forum, huh?

Marraige and life in general isn't supposed to be "exciting" every day. If you believe it is, and you attempt to make it that way, then you need to see a shrink because you have a disorder. Excitement doesn't equal love. And in my opinion love is better than any fantasy I could dream up.

If you honestly want to save your marriage (which I highly doubt) then stop worrying about you all of the time and your fantasies and start worrying about your wife.

 

Selfish? I hardly agree. It's rather heavy handed to tell anyone that they are being selfish if someone is not satisfying them.

Love is everything is a bunch of crock also.

There are many factors that can strain a relationship. For goodness sake, wear a pair of reality goggles.

Marriedbutlonely, get out of the relationship if you feel hopeless or frustrated, uncared for or if your wife is completely discounting all your frustrations. Your wife is obviously not doing anything to help you out, or is she even expressing any interest in what you want? Does she care? If she can't make compromises to satisfy you, get out. Relationships are about compromises if anything, if you cannot do exactly what the other wants. Let her go and be happy.

Don't be down with the other comments on this thread. I wonder why some people are so quick to villianize someone who is MATURE enough to recognize his/her requirements, and needs.

It'd absolutely legitimate to be dissatisfied sexually enough to end a relationship, and if your partner doesn't care enough to talk it through. It's likely in your best interests to have a trial separation, and state clearly that you need to have your kinks or desires seen to. If she's upset, respect her enough to let her go completely, and live separate lives. This relationship is not going to work if one of you (or both) has to be suppressed, frustrated, disappointed and constantly put down.

 

Sounds to me like sex is the only thing that's important to you, because I'm so sorry to say that when you love somebody you can make love in other ways besides sex. Sex isn't everything. If you're so quick to get rid of somebody who you supposedly love (let alone MARRIED to) just because they don'tstisfiy your kinky fantasy then you don't know what love is. When you 'really' love someone that stupid crap is unimportant.
Not to be rude, but it seems to methat you have this warped idea that you can onlybe happy with adequate sexual pleasure, and to me that's nonsense. There are plenty of married couples who can't have sex anymore because there's something wrong and they are perfectly happy and VERY much in love. So what, are you going to get married and as soon as something happens and they can't satisfy you anymore, you're just going to leave because you can't have sex?! It's not the end of the world! Sex is sex but love is much more amazing than anything else in this world. I guess you're too blinded by sex to realise just how wonderful. You don't need to have sex to have aperfectly normaland happy relationship, is you 'REALLY' love each other. Your above statement was , of course, 'selfish'. You need to realise that. I don'tmean to be rude but you're in for a rude awakening the day you 'really' fall in love with someone.

 

Well said Hannah!!

Marriedbutlonely - if your wife is not keen on this fantasy of yours but you are very keen (as it seems) then you would need to decide which is the more important to you. A good marriage without the fantasy or no marriage with the fantasy - if there is no way she will change her mind.

Is there no way you can explore this fantasy without her knowing, in away that won't ever hurt her, to satisfy your own curiosity?

 

I think ALL married people feel lonley sometimes, that normal, but if you really love your wife, and you really dont want to lose her, you should tread careful with this fantasy you know she doesnt approve of. Nobodys right or wrong , just because your married doesnt mean you both will like the same things.

 

LOL, you don't know me at all. First of all, I don't believe that "love is everything", and I'm not certain where you got that ridiculous notion. And I am quite aware of all of the strains that can be put on a relationship whether it be from finances or boredom or sex issues. No one is denying the fact that sexual encounters with one's partner are important.

However when one takes a vow for better or for worse, you don't run away when your wife doesn't want to take it up the ass. Just like you don't run out and cheat with a chef if she burns the fucking dinner.

He is being selfish because he is not concerned in the least bit about his wife or her feelings. Did it ever occur to you that the reason she isn't in the mood to have sex the way he wants is because it goes against her belief system, or that she isn't being satisfied at home? She isn't his sex slave, she is his wife. And you really think that cheating is the mature thing to do? Right... No the mature thing to do would be to discuss this issue with his wife and see what is wrong in the marriage, because women don't just stop having sex for no reason, either what he wants is something she is not willing to do, and he is going to have to compromise and respect her wishes and her body, or he has done something to her to push her away. He is not attending to her needs and that is why she doesn't want to fulfill his fantasy. The mature thing to do isn't always what makes you happy either. Marriage is about sacrifices, there is good and there is bad. If he cared about her he would be willing to give up his fantasy and have a loving relationship with his wife, but he doesn't care at all about the relationship, I don't see how this advice that you give is not completely selfish. You must have a completely different dictionary than I do. Cheating falls on the person doing the cheating, you always have a choice and it is not her fault that he chooses to cheat. Yes, I do believe that we should be open and willing to listen to our partners and try if we can to take care of their needs, but you have absolutely no clue what this guy is asking her to do and what is beyond her comfort zone.

The only original advice I gave him though, which I stand by, is if he has to go out and fulfill this fantasy then he should at least be honest with his wife and not give her a disease. Or doesn't she deserve honesty either? So, yeah, he can go ahead and leave and move on and allow her to do the same thing, at least then one of them will think they are happy. But I doubt in the end it will bring him true happiness. I just think it is a stupid and selfish reason to get out of a marriage. Obviously there is no love there to begin with.

 

I am curious what the fantasy is....

If it was maybe some light bondage and the wife was saying no I would say that she is being unreasonable and silk scarves can be fun.

However I am leaning towards it being something more extreme because it wasn't mentioned (like having her watch while he has sex with her best friend). So, in this case I would say that he has put his own selfish wants before everything else and that is wrong. To deny your partner sex because she won't fulfill your fantasy is absurd. If you find her generally satisfying in bed, but she won't have a threesome, and that is enough to make you stop having sex with her it is time to rethink your relationship.

As for the fantasy.....if ANY fantasy has become so important that you deny your spouse sex over it there is an issue much deeper than the sex. Fantasies are wonderful, but should not become an obsession.

 

Come on, out with the fantasy. Is it that bad?

 

I'm betting he wants her to use a strap-on on him and she just cant' throw that down. Well that's always been ONE of mine.
Love is a many splendored thang
OOps crossed that proverbial line once again