What do you do when you feel everything has failed? When even spirituality, in basically every form, has led you nowhere, left you in the same darkness? I've sunk into an agnosticism so pervasive that it penetrates every aspect of my life, not just spiritual matters. how can this emptiness I feel be disbanded, when even the quest for God seems empty? What is there left to turn to, when even that fails? (EDIT: I deleted most of my overly melodramatic post, but this is still sorta relevant)
I have never felt separate from the Divine Mother for a second. But then, I have always done meditation every single day, since I was very young. So I never had to wonder about these things. At times I would be caught up in materialistic problems however, or generally burnt out from overwork or too much partying. Or just confused. At those moments I dedicated it, cut through it, and worked with mantra to cut through discursive thought and reside in awareness, free of mental extremes. Thus, my recommendation for all lost souls is chanting, or thinking mantra. Either to Sri Devi, or Green tara. That's what I have done, and I stand by my story. If you feel that things are particularly heinous and horrible then Mahakali is always great.
Hmm, maybe embarassing, but very revealing of the psyche I wish you hadn't deleted anything. Anyway...Brandon, when I felt that sort of agnosticism, I just made the decision to hold on to one element that made sense and run with that. That pretty much describes how I found myself in a Christian church. That is one option: going with one path, and fully immersing yourself. Yes, you learn a lot and experience a lot. But that is not how I would choose to act now, in hindsight, when you're at the point of "pervasive agnosticism." I don't know if this is what you're getting at, but I feel that same thing: I always thought of God as the ultimate best friend. Someone always there to divulge all my hopes and fears to. But, like I mentioned to you before, I spoke and cried and prayed, and in return, God said nothing. God may have showed me glimpses of spirit and love, but they were never in direct answer to any dialogue I had pursued with God. God should be the ultimate healer and lover. However, as of late, I have only been experiencing that love and healing from humans, not from God. So now, I'd say, I believe in the powerof humans to do magnificent and atrocious things. Look for the divine in others, and be wary of the evil as well. If the quest is leaving you in despair, then stop pursuing for now. If God is on the path ahead, just around the corner, then let it get on ahead of you for now. You'll catch up one day.
Falling in love is a good remedy What about your friends? Do you talk with them? Liberation When the birds sing outside And you see the trees Changing to green The sun invites one To be out in the open air When the sky is so blue, then Oh then, I wish for so much! And the best remedy For those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy Is to go outside Somewhere, where they can be quite alone With the heavens, nature and God. ~Anne Frank ~ Music by Mike Oldfield.
God never answered me. Never my prayers, never even with a warm fuzzy feeling or peace of mind in any way. I stopped believing mainly because of that, many years ago. It was like talking to a wall, and the emotions tied up in it hurt too bad to be rejected so constantly. My picture of god now is an impersonal force or energy, which doesn't lend itself to prayer or friendship. So you say to look for God in people, or really to just stop looking and put it from mind. That's pretty much all I can do, given I don't know where to look anymore. Thats what agnosticism does, as I see it. you just drift and hope something reveals itself to you. And as far as mantras go, they never worked for me. I may be doing it wrong but that's not the way for me. I try to meditate and that works sometimes, but usually I just battle my mind and don't really get any peace out of it. I think too much, that's my problem.
I think one has to allow his thoughts to pervade his consciousness. Let them pass through like the clouds.
As far as mantras go, it takes at least 125,000 reps of any mantra to show concrete results. People will doubt and say, 'Bah' but they will have not stayed with the practice long enough for it to bear results.
yeah but I might bake my brain to death. plus, i'm usually a happy drunk, so it's not usually an issue.
Is that number cumulative or daily? The longtime daily standard for Gaudiya Vaisnavas in India has been one lakh of names, or 64 108-bead malas of the Hare Krishna mantra; at 108 16-name mantras per mala,that's 6,912 full mantras and 110,592 individual names daily. Srila Prabhupada reduced the daily standard to 16 malas for his disciples when he began preaching outside of India, since chanting 64 malas takes around 6 hours on the average. I've read that 64 malas is still an ideal daily standard and actually what it takes to achieve ongoing results. The most I've ever chanted at one sitting is 20 malas.
This wasn't drivel. When God doesn't answer you, you stop believing in God? Do you think that God doesn't know the extent of your faith? If I knew your faith in me was so frail, I probably wouldn't give you much regard either. You can choose to believe in God or not, but you can't base it on evidence, though evidence may be forthcoming if your faith is unwavering. In other words you have to accept that you're a little bit illogical and risk losing your mind to some degree. You may not be glorified in the eyes of men for this, but men cannot glorify you. The truth is not sane. So what should you do? Keep living. What else is there to do?
