The Most Complex Problem/decision Of All Time!!!

Hi, this is Picanic_Basket reporting. i'm new here. the reason i joined this site was to get a little advice on "THE MOST COMPLEX PROBLEM/DECISION OF ALL TIME!". i don't ever do this kind of stuff, i usually solve my own problems. but this one has me dazed and confused.

before i address this problem and decision i must make, let's start off with the back story. it basically started around sept. 2004. i met this girl in my high school drama class. at first i was mean to her for some reason (must have been my lack of maturity). but got to know her better as time passed, and we became good friends. also, she wasn't really much of a people person at the school, so i was one of the few people she hanged with. one of my best friends even started to like her, (no one told me, i just knew) but i didn't mind. come on, friends before bitches...um...i mean...ladies. as a joke, i would be a jerk to her sometimes, like telling her to stfu when she began ramble about stuff like i shouldn't be drinking, i shouldn't be going to bars, i shouldn't smoke weed, i should go to college, i should do this, i shouldn't do that. she knew i was joking cause she would always try to hold back a smile when i would put on a straight face, and tell her that nobody gave a shit about what she was talking about. but i was obvouisly joking and everybody knew it. some people said we were like cat and dog and would make a good couple. i didn't care for that kind of shit, "im young!" i thought to myself. here's where the juicy part comes in...

after high school she was going to move back to her homeland/homestate/homeprovince/homeplanet and go to college there. i didn't mind, cause we had each other's email addresses, so we would email each other back and forth every once in a while. one day, i didn't get a reply from her for about two weeks. and then it finally came. here is the problem.

in this particular email, she said that she moved into a condo with her boyfriend...

whoa whoa whooaa whoooaaa whooooaaaa whoooooaaaaa whooooooaaaaaa! boyfriend? since when did she have a boyfriend? o my bad. lets rewind to 2004. some guy at her job asked her out about 2 weeks after i met her. i guess it was bad timing on my part, or my extreme bad luck. he then proceeded on dating her, cheating on her, she found out, they broke up, got back together, god knows and eventually...

anyways, where was i? o yes. condo. so she was going to move into a condo with her b/f and they would get MARRIED in a few years. btw, she's turning 18 this year. she also said it would be best if we don't email each other any more, and it was fun being friends and maybe we would see each other agian. WTF? what just happened? at first i thought, "fine, %$^# this bitch. peace" and so i did.

then my conscience came into play. i felt like i was abandoning her. it felt like i took her to a building that had been burnt down a week before and this week it was going to be nuked- and i knew it would be -but i left her there anyway. i mean this guy cheated on her, but she insists it wasn't his fault. it wasn't his fault? what? did he trip? and his pants happened to fall off? and now she's going off and marrying him!? this is the confusing part for me. can she do that, jus tell me to go away, after always giving me life lessons. i took some seriously! i dont drink because of her! and now she wants to throw me into the toy chest full of her old toys? she even told me and quote:
HER: "Are you going to college?"
ME: "Nope"
HER: "You better go to college, or I'll kill you!"





what the hell is this!? wat am i supposed to do? am i supposed to just follow her wishes and let her ruin her life? am i supposed to somehow stop this, and if so, how? she won't listen to reason...i wish i could just do nothing, but that makes me feel guilty. did those last two years mean nothing? i think she deserves better...not me thats for sure. what do i have to do to get this demon off my chest? any suggestions? anything will do. maybe a so-crazy-it-just-might-work-suggestion would do. help me...

 

Here's a crazy just might work idea-Forget her-move on and expand your world without her.

 

Good idea. That's what im doing though.

 

Kool-I wasn't trying to be nasty.
Peace

 

good advice though

 

She probably considered you a "friend" (the most dreaded word when you want to be with someone). She gave you advice, but that doesn't always mean "relationship" ya know. I give my male friends advice, and it doesn't mean I want to date them.

Anyways....before I ramble I will just say that I agree with wizard....short, sweet and to the point....move on

p.s. Don't feel like you abandoned her when she told you to go away..no reason to.

 

thanx. lol. i think im gonna be alright. now im gonna try to be the best i can be and surpass any expectations anyone ever had of me. im young. the sky's the limit. just the other day i walked fifteen miles. can't take over the world when you can't drive.

 

i just found out something really wierd. my mom (she's like a sister to me; she's 16 years older than me) was picking me up from work. she was talking about some guy who was calling her. now this is where it gets interesting. she starts telling me this story. i don't have to tell u all cause u already read it in the first post. yep. everything i typed there my mom told me happened to her. and she has no idea that it happened to me. small world huh?

 

oh before i forget, thanks for hearing me out. i couldn't talk about this with my friends cause they know me as a stiff guy who doesn't show much emotion. they'd have my head. feels good to get this off my chest.

 

Whatever you do, don't try to talk her out of getting married. You said they weren't planning on actually going through it for a while right? There is time for her to come to her senses about this jerk of a guy. Trust me on this one.

I got married when I was 18, not because I was even in love at all. I got married 1.)because I thought that I was unlovable, and ugly and blah blah a whole therapy session of what my father made me think of myself which is no longer true, nor relevant to my point, and 2.) everyone, instead of at least pretending to be happy for me or let me figure things out on my own, or god fucking forbid explain to me that there are tons and tons of guys out there who really would want to be with me, and that I am beautiful if I just explored a little and that I had much more going for me, no they all tried to talk me out of it and tell me how stupid I was. So what did I do, I said fuck you to all of them and got married anyway.

Needless to say, I cheated about a year into the marriage and got divorced (my own doing the retard still thought he loved me) 2 years later.

But I learned my lesson. Don't push her to do anything that she hasn't thought of on her own. It will only make matters worse.

Good luck moving on, I agree that is the best thing you can do.

 

What popped into my head as a possibilty while reading this is that maybe she's wanting you to run to her, and try to stop her from marrying him. Either because 1) she wants the attention or 2) she has feelings for you and doesn't know if it's mutual. She could have liked you all along but was afraid to admit it because you would pick on her.

I dunno, maybe i'm just a romantic whos watched too many sappy movies...

 

maybe, and maybe not...first off, why does she not want to talk to you anymore now that shes moving in with her fiancee? is it possibly because he found out or suspects she likes you and is jealous about it? i'd find out more about her guy, maybe hes not all that bad...or a giant jerk....insist on staying friends with her, try to do anything but abandon her...maybe even email her and say you understand she doesnt want to talk to you anymore but ask why and tell her you'll always be there for her if she's in a jam in the future or jsut needs to talk. friends dont let friends marry complete assholes.