Note to John the Florist Regarding My Sanity and Self-Awareness

I am a victim of sadness without symbolism, that is, I don't know what I "don't know." I knew before, that is, I used to know what I "didn't know," that being the art of accounting and its strict but delicate intricacies. I wanted to know more about it, with even more passion, I wanted to finally know a "just the right woman." I've been told I'd find her "someday." "Someday" I'll die. What if these two "somedays" aren't in the proper order?

What if I finally stop asking "what if"? And what if I walked a bridge as sturdy as yours? "What if", it is rusty old lanterns, flickering back and forth down a path of no reflection. There simply isn't enough light. What's around the woods, skies, and pitfalls I chose to encounter? I can't see. I don't know.

What if you, say, wanted to expand to a national retail chain? But you only know how to run a single flower shop. I'm sure you wouldn't do this, given your success and the sense of fulfillment I see in you whenever I come in and purchase some flowers for myself. But what if you were FORCED to expand? Then you'd be me, an out of place man with and out of place mind thinking out of place things.

Without a mold to fit in, I am a single entity upon myself, trapped in a clear void surrounded by happiness. Happiness, I see it in others. Such envy. It numbs my body. All I need to do is move just a little bit, raise an arm, breathe, anything to alter my path. But I can't.

I can't help myself. No one can help me. No one can help me, I'm outside in a storm during the night of Winter nights. Face down, in shards of dirty ice, I wait. Unseen. Yet somehow, I'm alive. It seems I'd rather not be, but I am. There just isn't much I can do.

Let pain set the course, so long as you can feel not the journey nor its end.

 

This writing definitely is the best kept secet of the 21st century. Just reading the frst paragraph makes people want to nail themselves to the lid of a coffin as its being lowered into the ground, or like I did it makes people want to run into a zoo and jump into a cage full of tigers. Our army could use it in Iraq where when it was tested grown men would hack their own heads off rather have to read the second paragraph

 

I don't think the Geneva Convention will allow this. Not past the first paragraph.