I Want To Be A Mommy

I wasn't trying to be judgemental, nor was I bashing you for wanting to have a child, it's not like that...
I was just trying to say, good on you, but make sure you do it when the time is right, is all.

It's not like I'm angry with people that have their own children, I guess I just don't understand it is all.

Sorry if I did sound in any way, shape, or form, negative towards this, I suppose I am still a bit sour from my pregnancy experience and the abortion.

I never wanted children, though, before I was pregnant, it wasn't a big issue for me... I felt like "well if I got pregnant, that would be okay too, even though I don't really want children... I'm sure I could do it" But, the second that test came up positive, every single part of me was disgusted, in every possible way.

It was actually really scary to me, because I had never had such a strong feeling of disgust and dislike---and it made me feel like a bad person. I hated being pregnant, and knowing that something was growing inside me, it was creepy to me, and I didn't like it at all.

Maybe that could change, I'm not the one to say that it will or won't, but from my recent experiences, I guess I just don't see how it could.

Good on you for wanting to adopt as well though, I think that's pretty cool when even people that have their own children still adopt. My cousin's aunt [not related to me] has two children of her own and an adopted girl, and I remember when she first adopted the little girl, and it was just beautiful.... This little girl was so shy and insecure when they first adopted, that it literally broke my heart... and within months of living with her new family she was a whole new person. She developed so much confidence, and just bloomed into this really energetic little sprout. It was amazing how much they could change her life, and that's why I've always adored the idea of adoption... I just saw soo much good come out of it, that it made my heart smile a lot

I'm not really a fan of children, as of now, so it's hard for me to say whether I will even want to adopt or not in the future....it may change, it may not.... But I do know that I don't want to be pregnant.

Part of it is because I actually do NOT want to pass on my genes--and not because I think it's selfish or arrogant, but because I don't want any child to ever inherit my family's long strand of depression and eating issues. That sounds weird, I guess, but it's true...

 

I think it is not at all thoughful, when a womyn expresses that she wants a baby, and has lost TWO of them, for people to be telling her she has no right to want her own child.

Shirley, If someone here wants to adopt, fine, do it (I hope you are either rich or have a house to put up for collateral.) If anyone here doesn't want kids, NOT ONE, of the mommies, ever tells them to have one anyway. JMO, but I think talking about how "selfish" it is to want a baby, when you yourself obviously wouldn't want to become a mama is really offbase. Womyn who have had abortions have been supported by those who want children themselves and may not be able to, which is very selfless and helpful thing to do. Take a cue from them.

PLEASE don't diss womyn who WANT their own children. If YOU don't have the desire to have children, then there is NO WAY you could understand. A&O, you were totally, and I mean totally supported in YOUR choice, recently, weren't you?. Please respect the choice of an other womyn, who has different desires than you do.

You can both be right, because you are talking about your OWN bodies and your own lives. What you can't be right about it to tell an other womyn "Oh, don't have kids, there are already too many kids in the world. Just adopt." Not only is adoption out the the finacial means of most people (average adoption is about $25,000 to 40,000, they don't just GIVE you the kid, beleive me.) Some of the joys of parenting simply cannot be experienced with adoption. I, for one would not want to adopt. Breastfeeding my children is the most beautiful experience I have ever had in my life, and, even with induced lactation, I would still have to resort to bottles and formula, and that isn't something I, personally, find comfortable. Also, those minutes after the child is born, where she looks at you, and you KNOW she was meant for you and you were meant for her, in an instant, while she hasn''t even had her cord cut yet, and is covered with vernix, is not something any mother forgets. Someone else may be VERY happy with this choice to adopt, and I resepct and support these mamas 100%, but adoption is NOT the ONLY WAY that womyn can or should have children, and some simply don't want to adopt. If a womyn came here talking about wanting to do this, it would be HER life, not mine, and she would have my support, Not my derision. Every womyn has a different life experince and a difference plan. One cannot know what is in an other womyn's heart, and why one choice or an other is what she NEEDS to do.

Please respect the reproductive choices, all of them, of the other womyn on the forum.

Thank you.

 

honeyhannah, I am so sorry you lost two of your wanted babies. My thoughts are with you, that you will soon be carrying an other, and that you will be able to carry to term and experience being a mama in body, as well.

Blessings, child.

 

Maggie, that was very well put! I too find it ironic that someone who got an abortion is downing on another woman because she is making the choice to want to have children. Haven't we fought for her to have the right to abort her unwanted child?

 

I beleive we have fought for ALL reproductive choices. That means a womyn who doesn't want to get pregnant, a womyn who doesn't want to remain pregnant, a womyn who wants her own baby, and as many of them as she and her partner want, and a womyn who wants to take on a child that someone else gave birth to and could not raise on her own.

In many places womyn do not have these freedoms. In some places you are FORCED by the goverment to carry pregnancies you didn't want. In some places you have no option to prevent pregnancies you may not want. In some places you are forced to have ONLY ONE child, no more, and have abortion forced on you if you disobey. In some places, if you are deemed "inferior" you are forcebly sterilized, to "purify the race." (With the exception of family size limitations ALL these were happening in the USA until the middle of the last century.)

These injustices are all things people in civilized countries are fighting against. The same people who fight for abortion rights in many places are the same people who are fighting to stop enforced abortions in China. Because it isn't about whether one person wants a baby or not, it is about every womyn INDIVIDUAL CHOICE FOR HER OWN LIFE AND HER OWN BODY.

ALL choices must be respected. No one knows what is right for any womyn, except herself.

I think we all need to support ALL our fellow sisters in whatever reproductive choices they know are right for them.

Nuff said.

 

Maggie i agree with you 100%, really i do

 

Well said. I agree with all of it except for a small caveat.

The decision to have a baby is not only about a woman and her body. There is another person involved, the baby.
The priniciple that a woman controls her body would lead me to support a 14 yr.old woman who wants a baby, eventualy.
The principle that a baby needs to be cared for would lead me to object to a 14 yr. old woman who decides to have a baby now.
A further complication comes in because the decision to have a baby involves the financial commitment of the father.

A person's desires are their own to choose and people should not be condemned for their hopes and desires. When and how those desires are traslated into actions that effect others is where critisism may be warrented.

 

Thanks maggie. That was a great post. And to A&O and anyone else, if I did say anything unsupportive or bitchy in anyway towards anyone's choice, it was not intended, I felt attacked and though I tried to be respectful I do realize some of what I said may have been disrespectful.

 

HoneyHannah, I think you should look into Fertility Awareness. Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler will show you ways to chart your fertility, tell if you are pregnant even before a pregnancy test would, AND help you figure out what might be causing miscarriages.

It's definitely worth the investment, hon. *hugs* Don't worry, hon. You'll make a great momma. And when you do, we'll have to get together and have a play-date....I really wish the Gathering had worked!

 

When I was younger, i wanted a baby, but not anymore. Can't handle them.

 

I completely understand how you feel right now ... i am very young i know, but i'm mature for my age and unfortunately i suffered a miscarriage on the 2nd July this year which was devastating for me and made such a difference to my life. It is an awful thing to go through and its hard to understand until its been experienced. the pregnancy wasn't planned and came as quite a shock, to say the least and was very confused but me and my partner finally came round to the idea when this happened. Because of this i thoroughly understand what you're going through right now as i do want another baby but my boyfriend would like to wait until we've got a place together which we are currently sorting out ... i understand his point of view but it does hurt and i do cry quite often over what could have been and what could be but theres nothing i can do at the moment to change it unfortunately ... its no good me saying to you wait and it will happen as i've had it said to me and it doesn't help, it actually makes things worse for me! haha. I am awkward though! The only bit of advice i can give you which i try to do is put it to the back of your mind, try not to think about it and don't get drawn into conversations such as these or into situations that could make it worse But isn't it always the way, everytime i go out i must see 50 pregnant women and there are babies everywhere ... i'm always here for anyone who wants to talk about topics such as this one as i have been, there, done it and got the t-shirt!!!
<P> Love and Peace xxxxxx

 

I've been pregnant six times. Four miscarriages and two healthy sons. Good luck Honey Hannah! It might be your immune system that caused the miscarriages as in my case, or are you underweight? If it's your immune system, your body will learn to accept your boyfriends genetical material after a couple of tries. Take care sweety!

And about adoption;
I think it is a pity that you've got to be rich to adopt. Where I live, you must have a high income, a big house and pay a lot of money to be allowed to adopt a child. So that isn't even an option for the majority of people.

 

I want to be a mommy too, even though I'm 18 and single. I have names picked out for my future kids already, heh!

 

{{{Hugs}}} honeyhannah, I lost two myself. One before I became pregnant with my oldest and one before I became pregnant with my twins.

 

Thanks hippychickmommy. Sorry about your loss. You definately seem like an amazing mom though. You are one that I look up to, when that day comes...

 

You're welcome.

And thankyou...

 

I second that! Taking Charge of Your Fertility is an amazing book, a person (woman OR man) can learn alot from it.

I know how you feel about the longing honeyhannah. My broodiness grows everyday but it's just not happening for me. Five years of wanting your own child to hold and nuture and love is such a long time

I'm so sorry you lost your babies, I can't relate to it but I'm sure that one day you'll be a fantastic mama ((hugs))