Well like any good marriage there are going to be trials and tribulations, but as a partner its kind of your responsibility to tell him of your misconduct. You at least owe him that after what you did. I'm not saying that its entirely your fault, as I'm sure your husbands lack of interest is what caused you to cheat, but still if you want to stay with him then you're going to have to pay the price and work through this issue together. If he is really understanding, then he'll probably see why it happened and work with you to find a solution you can both be happy with. Maybe you can go to counseling together, or spend some time dating other people. In short, when you married him you promised to willfully walk the path of life together regardless of how difficult it may be. This is a challenge like any other, so have faith and do what you need to do, whether it be stay together or come to the realization it wasn't meant to be. There is no shame in being wrong, but at least give him the chance to understand and work with you. I would want that and I'm sure any other guy would too.
I make the following stint of advice Leave. What you've done would destroy him, you said so yourself. You did it anyways, and you're unhappy with the way things have gone. get out now before more time ticks away and you do more things you're not proud of. I would advise you to keep your indiscretion to yourself, no need to cut him to pieces. Why did you two stop being physically intimate?
Write him a long ass note, pack a bag and go to a hotel room, make sure you mention in the note what hotel room your staying in, if he comes by that means he wants to work it out, if he doesn't, then shit man, go and check on him and make sure he isn't trying to drink himself to death. Better yet, maybe you should just talk to him in person instead of writing a note, the only problem with that is that he won't give you any space to explain yourself. For real, I'd talk to to guy, it's going to take a long time to work it out and there will always be akwardness but you can't possibly leave your secret on your chest all the time. That's not healthy. Maybe you guys should see a marriage counselor. Dannayelli
He deserves better? He hasn't even satisfied her sexual needs for six months, although we don't know the whole scenario, I'd go out on a limb and say that I'm not very certain that he DOES deserve better.
omg you're really rude.Firstly I have job thanks.I don;t need your blessing t tell me if i'm a good person or not.Nor did I ask that.ffs.Oh and for the record,I asked for advice not to be judged by someone who's obviously never been in this sort of situation.
never mention it to him. EVER. if you are truly sorry, fix your relationship, but NEVER EVER tell your husband. EVER.
Spouses go through this stuff all the time. The right thing to do is to sit down with him and talk to him and go to a marriage counselor, work out your problems, try your best and if in the end it doesn't work out well at least you know you tried. You can't possibly live with a lie like that for the rest of your life without telling somebody. Dannayelli
I didn't say that but you claiming "he deserves better" is an asinine statement. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS when you don't sexually satisfy your partner.
You're afraid to leave him? And still no clues as to why your emotional relationship is in pieces. I'll tell you this, I recently left a partner with where similar things were not working out, and it was the best possible move. PM me if you like. And good luck.
thats what Im thinking.Jim I don;t know why my relationship is the way it is.Maybe we've drifted apart who knows.He works long hours and doesn't have enough time for me
well, it's up to him to decide if it's over. you fucked up royally. most of us do sometime. feel your guilt, wallow in it, take the hit and really, truly, internalize the shame you should be feeling. then tell him. get over it. let him make the decision. it's not the end of the world, nor are you the ultimate evil. you're just another fuck up like the rest of us. but continuing to lie to him would be abhorrent, in my opinion. but this is your marriage, this is your life. accept the fact that your marriage could well be over, which, really, it was the moment you decided to roam. now you may be able to build a new relationship with your husband from the ashes of the old relationship, or he may decide to move on. you've made your decision, now it's his turn. but don't kill yourself over it.
So then you your not going to tell him? Why? The longer you put it off, the harder it is going to be. At least if you talk to him then he might be able to fix his problems of not being able to satisfy you in bed. And if you two end up seperating, then you can go find somebody else who will satisfy you in bed.
Well there are a lot of issues here between you two that you are leaving out. You have only been married a year and drifted? I would say if he has not given it up in 6 months(doubt if it is just him) something bigger is up. You have been married a year and only had sex twice during that time? No matter what was wrong with the relationship you had no right to go sleeping with others. If a relationship is bad at least end it before spreading your legs. At only a year in and in this much trouble already you would probably be better to just leave him. I wouldn't even tell him about the affair. If you decide to stay you need to tell him, hope he doesn't leave, and decide to get to the bottom of your problems together by talking and being honest with each other. By the way he is probably cheating to so you guys could discuss it.
Thanks for those who did give advice I appriciate it.this is something I gotta think about on my own.Theres a lot of history and its personal and I don;t like going into too many details.
I think this is what you're looking for Campfirejam http://www.jameswjohnson.com/paint02/confusing.JPG Best of luck anon, and again think long and hard about why you're staying. are they reasons you'll be proud of in ten years?
