I hope this song will someday lead our generation. Feedback?

I wanted to write a special song, an anthem, something in the tradition of Baba 'O Riley and The Times They Are A-Changing. So I did. What do you guys think? I haven't thought up a name for it yet but the lyrics go like this.

This is the free land...
Something tells me the time has come
I have a feeling change is here.
Our eyes now see what we've become
We'll take a stand and have no fear.
Hope will prevail
The flame in our hearts will not fail
It's light will lead the way.
This is our time to shine
Don't you try to put us down.
One in spirit, one in mind
Our generation gathers 'round.
The song of hate that used to sound
Is now replaced with one of love.
Marvel at the joy we've found
Dancing free, we'll rise above.
A new foundation is laid
The love that we share will not fade
It's truth will hold us high.
This time we're breaking free
Don't you try to put us down.
Being all that we can be
Our generation gathers 'round.
There'll be peace on Earth someday
Admit that we must learn to love.
Light a candle, show the way
If you feel you've had enough.
In triumph we'll rise
Don't be afraid to open your eyes
Yes, hope will carry us through.
This is the free land
Don't you try to put us down.
Come on, brother, take my hand
Our generation gathers 'round.
Revolution is here...
This is our time!
Free your mind; you'll find it's true
There's no need to keep us down.
We hope someday you'll join us too
And all the world will gather 'round.
(c) September 7th, 2006, Rani Lee Taylor.

 

it's good, it's not very 'song' like per-say, but it's still good, work on it and i'm sure it'll make an awesome song

 

I see where you're coming from. I might be able to get it recorded and on here sometime soon

 

To be honest, it's a bit forced and cliche... I'm only nitpicking really, but I thought i'd put it out there..

In my opinion, you don't 'try' and write an anthem... Whether something turns into one and becomes timeless is out of the writers hands really. It's if other people connect with it in a certain way that makes it transcend into more than just a song.

 

I predict that your song will one day help pay the salaries of obnoxious Classic Rock radio DJs, and anyone who doesn't listen to it will be called a wuss by everyone at their work.

 

Huhhh? Lol.

 

like before, maybe a bit cliche, still good though

rhythm was iffy, it was there and flowed well sometimes and other times not


good work though, i'd certainly feel accomplished

 

Yayness

 

Yeah a bit cliche... not saying it isn't good.... but to me the best song, lyrics or whatever are those who have never or rarely been done before. That's the hardest part in art... the originality. Good luck!

 

I lOOOOOOVVVVEEEE IT! you have a special talent!

 

Thanks

 

Hey just keep writing alot ...write about the changes that
go on in you and you'll be writing about real stuff that you've experienced..15 yrs you experienced some stuff that breaks your heart and makes you hurt and stuff that has sent you OVER the MOON...write about that stuff first. Just keep writing and writing and writing. Oh wait... live alot too