my boyfriend jeremy and i have been together now for about 7 months. it took us a while to get off the ground, but since then things between us have escalated pretty fast. by 4 months we were practically living together, and we have been offically living together for quite some time now. we'd only been together for about 3 months when things got really serious. we started talking about our future and talk usually ends up with us saying we want to spend our lives together. i think from the outside, our relationship looks pretty damn perfect. and to be honest, there are a million wonderful and fantastic things about him that i absolutely love. the thing is, lately jeremy has been talking about things even more seriously than before. hes really pushing for me and his mom to become great pals, and he wants to hang out with my dad all the time. over the holiday weekend, he went home with a friend of his to visit his family, and i stayed here. apparently everyone was really upset that i wasn't there, because they "want to get to know jeremy's future wife." according to the friend that went with him, his mom is even trying to convince him to bring back his grandmas wedding ring "just in case." now, like i said, i love my boyfriend. and i wouldn't be going along with his plans for the future if i didn't think we had a viable chance of a fantastic life together. the only thing is... i keep thinking to myself, "i've only been dating you for 7 months." i'm only 23. i guess to me that still feels really young. i'm just now about to finish school, and i'm seriously considering continuing. and i had plans for after school, too. theres a million and twelve things i want to do before i get too old and too tied up. i guess you could say i have the next several years of my life more or less planned out. and there is certainly room for jeremy in all of that, but i'm not so sure there is room for him as my husband. there certainly isn't room in there for a family. jeremy, on the other hand, is almost 28. he's been done with school for a long time. yes, he's taking a few fun classes to help his career out, but its nothing at all like what i've been doing for the past several years. he's had the chance to do a ton of things i havne't yet. he comes from a wealthy family, and so he's had a lot of opprotunities that i'll really have to work for, if i get them at all. and he's dated a lot of girls. he's had quite a few really serious relationships. so when he says i'm The One, he has a lot to go off of. I, on the other hand, have been with a lot of guys, but very few have I actually dated. I have 5 years of my life to a guy that couldn't even let me go in a decent manner. Really, when you look at it, Jeremy is the first healthy serious relationship i've ever had. And with the last one, it took us 5 whole years to realize that we were not going to work out. when we first were together, things were a lot like they are now with me and jeremy. dave said he loved me, dave said he wanted to marry me, dave said i was the one. well, it turns out dave really fucked me up. and i'm not gonna lie, a pretty big part of me is scared that every guy is going to end up fucking me up if he stays around long enough. i dont want to marry someone that is going to fuck me up. and then there is the factor of maturity. i'm still quite a bit of a party girl. and lately, quite a few of my former "conquests" have come out of the wood work. there've been a handful of confrontations over the past few months, and none of them make jeremy very happy. sure, i'm not nerely even half the slut i used to be, but it still really bothers him. he thinks some of my best friends are no good, and while he'd never tell me not to be friends with him, i can tell that he'd really be happier if i cut off contact with a few of them. we don't agree on some politics, and there are a lot of other issues where we really don't agree at all. i guess i feel like this is all starting to move a bit too fast. if someone told me that i had to marry him today or never be able to at all, i would. but if given the chance, i'd really rather wait a bit longer. and then, of course, i have to wonder if i'm jumping the gun a bit. jeremy himself hasn't done or said all that much to advance things. he says he's just fallen in love with me a lot more since we started living together. that he has finally found me and the fact that we've moved so quickly is a sign that we really should be together. and you know, in those ways i agree with him. so here's what i need help on, guys. i need some opinions. i'm not asking for any "oh kenz i'm so happy for you follow your heart and things will work out." i'm asking for real, down to the facts, honest opinions. don't be afraid to hurt me, i want to hear what it is you think. is the way i'm feeling normal? do you think 7 months is a bit too fast, or is it just right? do you think little differences like ours are anything worth worrying about? are we moving too fast? its not so much that i'm doubting, as it is i'm hesitant. i simply dont want to make any mistakes. and i'd love it if my friends could talk to me about it.
Sorry I didn't read the whole thing. But this happens all too often and I think I get the gist of it. Well, first of all, you're gonna have to get accompanied with making mistakes because it's going to happen, and it helps to not get too upset if things don't work out the way you planned. It's very tough for me to say yes you're rushing in, I moved in w/ my bf after 3 months and we talked about getting married a lot. I don't regret one second of it, but now I've been living here long over a year, and I see that yes, I have a lot of my life ahead of me, I've never been on my own, and that's what I want to do now. If you guys love each other you can stay together and not get married quite yet, it's not going to hurt to wait a few years or more. I think that you will know when you're ready. If you're already feeling like your personal plans are being put on the backburner for your relationship plans, you need to tell you're bf he's going a little too far too fast for you. It is important to do what you want, to be able to know that you can do your own thing, before you're settled down, married and locked into a relationship, not to make it sound like a horrible depleting thing. But you're right you are still really young, and the truth is he's still young too, he will be alright not marrying you tomorrow. Maybe you're lucky his family is so enthusiastic about it, because that would probably freak most people out, and maybe that gives you the perspective, now, to do what you need for yourself outside of the relationship, instead of realizing a year or so after being married that you wish you would've waited a little longer. I hope I'm not saying things that offend you, but I've been given advice from people who are a lot older who've gone through the same things, and their stories plus my own thoughts about it, really favor not rushing into things, unless you're fine with making mistakes and potentially back tracking for awhile, and not worrying where the road will take you... good luck.
Unfortunately you usually won't realize that you are going to make a mistake until you have already made it. My advice would be to live together for a while and enjoy each other. Don't rush into having kids because you have plenty of time to work on that. I would also encourage you to finish your education. If you are serious about your relationship you might want to tone down the "party girl" thing....you can still have fun, but try to consider his feelings too..... My final thought....You cannot let fear of someone "fucking you up" keep you from living life.
It seems very fast to me. But I've only had one longlasting relationship before, 9months and we never lived together, so I'm coming from a perspective where I've never actually tried that before. Talk to him about it, make sure he knows you're worried about moving too fast, doing too much too soon. That marriage is incredibly important to you and while it's the logical next step, it's not something you'll be ready for for a while yet. Plan on getting married sometime after your schooling/education is done with, maybe that'll give you enough time to feel more comfortable with it.
I think so. Give yourselves a chance to fully know one another(I know you think you do) before rushing in. There is nothing to be gained by making it a race right? Finish school and get your life on track first.
7 months is a bit too fast. Give yourselves another few years to iron out the little differences and learn how to cope with them. If you get married before you are ready, it will make it more difficult to sort out these problems. You can always have a very long engagement if he wants that, but you should definitely let him know that you have a future together and that you are not yet ready for marriage.
