Me: So many ideas... so little direction...

Hey everyone, well I just introduced myself to the forums on Thursday and I've already been inspired in so many ways. Now the problem is this... I feel a sense of boundless enthusiasm, synapses firing every which way. Not a problem some would say, but in this case, definitely.

See, I have many ideas, but in order for any of them to succeed they need my full attention. I haven't committed myself to anything 'big' yet in my life, I've been too wrapped up in my personal situation to do that. I'm 22 and am starting to feel that yearning to find myself and my place in the universe.

I'm sure some of you have seen my various posts of these first few days. I imagine many people like me come through, wide-eyed and determined to get out there and explore. I wonder how many come and post here for a week or so, then vanish never to be heard from again. Well I feel I owe it to myself to stick with this and not to become one of the numbers who give up.

I live at my parents house, a fact I was unhappy about for several months. It depressed me, and sapped me of my motivation. I spent this time in a futile job search and an even more futile apartment search, to be financed by the SSI I'm on at the moment. A few weeks ago, I was having some beers with a close friend, and I had an epiphany. My life isn't on hold, its going on without me!

I decided then that I was happy here, and really just afraid to get started. Well this all quickly evaporated along with my buzz, and I let it go for the time. I have been considering it since then, yet have not committed to anything. I sent out applications for jobs I knew I didn't want, in hopes of fulfilling myself in the way you're "supposed to." I even considered moving to western canada, but realized I didn't have the resources to do that.

Now I'd love to just go explore, but my disability really does limit me from going it alone, as much as I'd hate to admit it. This is good in my case, because it's forcing me to step back and think about it for a minute. I have come back to my epiphany again, and now I see that I can stay here, but not forever. So I'm dwelling on a plan to get some resources and save up, and go on a journey in roughly six-months' time.

My toughest hurdle is that this is the biggest thing I've ever taken on in my still short life. I've dreamed about this since I was a child though. I know it will be fun, but I know it will also be hard. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I feel this to my soul, I just know it's the right path at my core.

My fear is, I set my sights on something often, but never quite follow through. I don't want that to happen this time, I can't let it happen. This is a will-do, a must-do. This is a new one for me, I am striving for it, and I am determined. I always knew my life lacked direction, but I didn't realize quite what it meant.

Direction, to me, does not mean a goal of owning a house filled with meaningless stuff. It means getting in touch with my true self, and finding happiness. I will do the work it takes to get to this point. I have an education and a good mind, I do not want it to go to waste. I kept putting things off and saying "one day" I'll do it. That day is today, I'm not afraid to be afraid any more. I'm doing it, and I'm determined.

Who knows what the end result will be, but thats part of the fun. They always says it's not the destination, but the journey that matters.

If you have read this far, thank you, and I am open to any thoughts anybody has.

Peace
Jordan

 

You just have to do it.
Random thoughts doesn't get too many posts like this. People in here are more looking for short sentences, & fast fun.
Sounds like you need to find a way to light a fire under your ass, so to speak.
Would I be out of line in asking what your disability is?

 

yeah. bad place to post this.

 

Well if it needs to be moved I kindly ask the mods to help me find a better place for it

Not out of line at all, I have a form of muscular dystrophy Weave. And the beauty is I've found a way to light that fire... thats what I concluded in writing it.

 

start with small goals, but make sure those goals lead to what you want in the long term.

if you just focus on the long term idea you want, you're likely to do what you have been doing and not follow through. but set some short term goals, accomplish them and move onto your long term goals. build it up piece by piece until you fulfilling what you want to be doing.

 

i only say this because most of us are more interested in rusty trombones, and cleveland steamers.

 

Well, just so you know, you should continue with your plans, don't give up, you really do deserve it. No matter what people say you should be doing, it is your life, not theirs.

And I know someone who up and left like you're wanting to, to find herself, and she is/was bound to a wheelchair. She didn't do it completely on her own, but almost. You are not limited unless you limit yourself. You'll find a way.

 

Well, I wish you all the best on your quest... I've gone walkabout several times in my life. Best wishes to you.

 

Thanks everyone, and I've already taken a few things you have all said to heart.

 

I'm currently tryin' to light a fire under my own ass to move out of where I'm at. *sigh*

Maybe I'll take your post as inspiration. I did most of my wandering around in my teens and twenties.

 

yeah, I've taken you're post under my ass too...


:H

did I say that right?

 

Sweet I have help from above!

*Walks away humming With God on Our Side*



Er, I think so hannah, yes

 

Do you truly believe God is above? You need to stick around a little longer bud... God is deep down in the gutter, but he's helpful, it's good to have him on your side, or under you... my personal preference. '

 

I prefer to be on the bottom

 

Is your name God?

I think not...

 

To properly answer the thoughts on God though... I dont know what I believe in... part of my quest I guess. On that note I am off to bed... I'll be back tomorrow. Goodnight

 

G'night Wheels.

 

My point is I was not speaking of that which you believe to be yourself.

Goodnight wheels!

 

I know!

I'm glad you noticed, you are moving up the ladder, someday you might be clever too... eh, probably not.

j/k ((hugs))

 

not if you don't return my hugs first...