Fear of taking it to the next level

I've known this girl for about five, maybe six years, though I haven't seen her much in the last few years. So she comes over the other day, and I realized... she's really attractive and a generally awesome, intelligent, fun to be around person. I wanted to approach her in some way on a sexual level, but she had to go shortly after I realized that.

So she came over today, and we had a lot of fun talking/watching a movie/even flirting a bit... but I just couldn't make a move. I had had a few ideas in mind - telling her out of the blue how attracted I felt to her, etc. but I just couldn't bite down and do that when sitting next to her. It was driving me crazy, being so imprisoned by the fear, knowing I was imprisoned by the fear, and knowing only a small conscious effort would overcome that and get me what I want... but I couldn't. So desperate I was, that I left the room, downed 4 shots, waited a few minutes for it to kick in... and I was *still* unable to just out of the blue come on to her.

Now what's even worse is that I'm almost completely sure she likes me! I mean, the signs are there... I remember a year ago talking to her on the phone and her friend grabbed it and said that she had always had a crush on me and I should go out with her... and we definitely flirt to a low level degree when together. One trait she has is shyness, majorly, so I know she would not be one to take a risk and try to come on to me... so it's totally up to me... and perhaps I give mixed signs that confuse her more.

Tomorrow she's coming over, again, and my parents are out of the house, giving me a perfect chance to hook up with her. I really really want to. But I have this horrible fear that, since I couldn't do it today, I wont' do it tomorrow. I know, at least on a conceptual level, that expecting a negative outcome will guarantee it... and I can't be held down to my past (in this case yesterday). BUt damnit, I really want her and feel that, just as I try to say something, the perceived ackwardness will keep me silent.

I don't have a huge history of approaching women succesufully... it has always been a random encounter that sort of came to me with little effort... so that plays a huge part in this.

My fear of rejection must exist, since why else would I sense a brick wall that keeps me from saying what I want... but I know she wouldn't reject me, I know it... and that kills me.

I'm really willing to try anything tomorrow... maybe 8 shots, but I'd rather do it through willpower perserverence than substance abuse... I really like this girl. has anyone else been through a situation like this and gotten their desired result?

She's coming over tomorrow and I must act... my fears include not knowing what to say and my fear of not saying it... I even started to, the backedd off. I suppose I have to identify the reasons why i'm afraid and work through it, but I've contemplated this on many levels and spent a good few hours thinking about it before she came today and still failed. Anyone have advice?

 

Greet her with a hug. How quickly she disentangles (if at all) would be a measure of her interest.

By the way, if you are trying to hook up with a woman, its traditional for you to give booze to her not to yourself.

 

Good idea about greeting her with a hug, though I'm not so much concerned with guaging her interest as expressing mine. I'm sure she'll let me hug her for as long as I want to... that won't help me engage her much, though

She won't drink, ever... it's against her principles or something...

 

I was kiding about the drinking. Another good thing about hugging is that it puts your mouths closer together than a handshake. You get the idea.

One thing to remember, I'm sure that you have a whole seduction plan worked out in your head. Women have a way of taking that plan and shooting it down in flames. And you feel foolish. How you react to that shooting down will determine whether you get a second chance. Pouting is a turn-off.

 

Try telling her 3 little words...I LIKE YOU....that will break the ice and give her a hint as to which direction your moving

 

Uh yeah dude, you should just tell her. Just fricken say it and who gives a shit what happens next. So you like her, what is she going to do? Punch you? Hate You? Curse You? No man, if everything your saying is accurate then I'm sure things will go just fine. Go with your heart and be honest about how you feel. She's been at your house three days in a row, she fuckin likes you on some sort of level.

Dannayelli

 

I wonder how it went..

 

haha, well this turned out to be extremely interesting... she came over that and nothing happened because I didn't make it. So then, last night, she's over again, and after a while I just out of no where told her I liked her. It was a bit awkward, she didn't know what to do, and it wasn't immediately reciprocated... she ended up leaving after about 10 minutes, so I was kind of confused and bummed out. I felt good that I had pushed myself to put myself out there and prove what I intellectually knew: that the fear I felt was purposeless and the worst possible result wasn't so bad. But I was kind of bummed out nonetheless, despite the fact that I knew it was an act of self-improvement.

But then, the next day, she calls me up, asks me what I'm up to, comes over, and after a little while we started making out.

The lesson for anyone else who's been in my predicament: just throw yourself out there and you might just get what you wish for.

 

Dude dont always just blurt it out... it might scare her... JUST watch a movie with her.. and put your arm around her.. and move slowly.

i know if a girl ever said to me.. "I love you" its kinda a hard shock to the brain ... and u dont know what to say ... im sometimes speachless... so just let it go naturaly.

 

Every girl is different, therefore the approach is kinda different, too. But I agree with the majority here in saying that if you don't put it out there, you'll never know how she feels.

It sounds like it finally worked out for ya, once you just let it out.

I hope it all turns out for you, ok. If not, at least this was one great learning experience for ya.