Criss Angel is a bitch. Davie Blaine should make him permanently disappear from the face of the earth, only to reappear on the moon with no access to soft toilet paper; only that cheap ass store-brand toilet paper that feels like it's about to scrape the skin off of your anus. Hey, he'd be lucky to even have toilet paper on the moon. He should be thankful.
Damnit, David...stop posting on this board about how great you are and how much you think Criss sucks. Everybody knows you dudes don't have a real rivalry, so stop trying to be so dramatic. Oh, and would you please tell Copperfield to stop leaving messages on my machine? It wasn't me who rolled his yard that night. It was Amazing Jonathan.
I can't seem to stop myself. I mean, Criss isn't all that bad of a guy, but he just wears too much gyotdayum makeup. He's a girlyman who can't contend with the masculinity of my David-Blaineness.
Ok, I'm coming to your house now. I don't smoke weed, but I know a guy who sells it. I can get a suitcase full from him for like 20 bucks. He owes me a favor. I'll bring the weed and two Asian prostitutes. We gone' do this thang. LOL.
Sounds like a plan. Criss Angel will officially be put on my "no making fun of" list; at least for a short time. You will have to make repeated visits to keep him there.
Of course you can watch. Hell, bring a video camera. Maybe we can sell copies of it on ebay to lonely 80 something year old men. I wonder if Fitzy's paps would be interested in my porno flick.