Porn addiction; My story

Hello,

I'm a 26 year old male and I think being addicted to porn since im 15 or so.

It started when i was young. I remember myself going through magazines that my father had in his drawer. I was by then maybe 6 years old. I remember I felt a rush from that. Felt it in my body that porn did that with me. I remember when my parents went away from home. I went to their bedroom and look for the magazines again. I couldnt cum or anything like that by then. But felt it caused a rush.

I think this behaviour continued till we got a personal computer at home. I remember being maybe 15 orso. That I went to a computer store in our small village to go the owner and say I would like those cd's with the pornpicture on top of it. I was so nervous to do it, but remembered the rush i got from it. Every time i was private at the computer i was watching the pictures. When my parents came in I clicked it away. I was always trying to hide it. Because I was and still am very ashamed by it. I think I didnt notice the bad things porn did with me back then. I just thought I liked it.

At a certain point we got internet and that really fascinated me then. I got online to surf new pictures anything. At a certain point I started
logging in as a woman. Not just one person. But my sort of creation. That turns me on. Its as creating your optimal sexual fantasy person. And its a thing i still do. I go on yahoo, make a new id a new person. I then go online make a new profile for this person. Ofcourse always erotic styled. I rip pictures of other girls online. Then I go online in chatrooms, yahoo groups, online community and go chat with men and women. That turns me on. I never meet or call with any of these persons and never did that as well. It's all online. I make men and women believe im this erotic person. I want to know why I do this. I'm not gay, dont want to be a woman. What is it?

After such a session I always feel guilty. This behaviour can go on for days and days. SOmetimes weeks. Porn never totally controls me, but it takes so much energy out of me. When I look back at those days of chatting and watching I feel terribly guilty. I didnt spend time with people I love, not with friends not with gfs. I hate the feeling of deleting your history of your computer because they dont see it then.

People know I watch porn but noone knows to which extend. I can always hide it quite good. But I hate that. I finished university and for people outside a "succesful" life but I dont fele like that. It feels I'm failing every day. Sometimes after watching porn I feel guilty and then go work very hard on other things. Out of a guilty feeling. The profiles I make turn me on for a few months and then Im so angry at myself. That I delete my whole porn collection and erase all the profiles. But it always comes back.

I can't put my finger on it whats the cause of all that. After a porn session I think i will never do this again in my life. But the urge comes back slowly but getting stronger every time. I hate this, I dont want my mind to be polluted by all these fake ideas and things, images. I want to live life like it is, bad and good. WHy do I always get back to the porn?? I feel I wasted so much time in my life already by watching porn and that has to stop. But I just cant say no to porn, bacause I also love it...

It's a very difficult situation. Comments are very welcome and I hope to find people who have the same feelings as me and can help me in the right direction.

Thank you for reading my story and greetings

 

I don't feel the same way about porn you do, but I'm sure you'll eventually figure out getting excited about photos is some kind of release. Porno is legalized in Denmark for kids and they grow up okay. They have the lowest sexual crimes rate in the world.

peace
Honor

 

hey, um, you didn't really specify, but do you go out with women? real women that is. because, if you had a real woman on your mind, porn would not be nearly as erotic.

 

do you still get a rush from pron if you masturbate?

 

i have a very healthy sex life, and i'm still addited to porn since i was 13. I still get a rush from watching porn, but the soft stuff dont do it for me anymore, i want more nasty stuff now, like ATM and similiar...

 

Hello pornaddict!
I think people here are underestimating your problem and don't realize how big it is. It is very funny that I actually share the SAME DAMN EXACT PROBLEM and been looking for forums like this to share my stories and get some help for the longest longest time ever and I'm so glad I found someone similar to my case. I'm addicted to porn since age 14 probably or less and I'm 24 years old. And I should say I'm more of an ADDICT to masturbation and fantasizing ofcourse combined with watching porn. I too graduated from university and had a good job but then I quit and I'm having trouble with my social life and family life. As far as guilt, I always always feel guilty and the problem is that the energy or rush I get from watching porn and masturbating over it is a fake energy and rather it takes from me without realizing. The worst thing right now is that my source of energy is porn and fantasy world rather than say a healthy work-out routine or a decent job or something productive. I used to have a balance like workinng out hard and lifting weights but this addiction to me is worst than cigarettes because it also affects my concentration level and energy etc. Now what I do is avoid socializing and friends and people who I love just to create enough time for myself to watch porn and masturbate in isolation. On top of all that, I'm not a teen anymore and this adds guilt to me. I maybe exaggerating but this is a major problem in my life and at least to me thats no joke at all and I need to find a solution!!
This porn addiction and masturbation made me excessively horny to an extent where it's like I feel I'm losing my true identity as a straight man acting straight....because now I fantasize sometimes about men even though I know for a fact I'm not gay however thats the consequence of watching porn and living in fantasy world (no offense to gays ofcourse)
So I've said too much and dont want to bore you readers. It's almost like a new thread now instead of a reply lol.
I appreciate any helpful/objective/perspective comments especially from pornaddict himself.
Thanks

 

I've allso made two fake profiles at yahoo, pretending to be a girl, and like you said, it took nairly all my time and it started buging me. But then I thought that 90% of the peoples I chat'ed with are probably horny jerks like me, so I quit. I never knew it could go as far as you've described it tho.. I haven't got any advice really, sorry..

 

I just wanted to share that I'm improving to an extent..........I realized there is some solution. BUT, it is very very difficult to execute because it takes alot of guts and potential, afterall, it is an addiction. Just think of people you love and maybe kids or grandkids some day and how they would perceive you. Or, adopt a good religion that will get you out of this mess. I havent looked at porn since 4-5 months. Couple of times I went to arcades and you wouldn't think how low I thought of myself. Anyways, in the past what worked gr8 for me was alot of work-out and sports. Oh man it worked great. But here's what I noticed. I consider myself or like to be considered social and outgoing. However, the addiction problem occupied a big chunk of my mind and believe it or not I lost friends and didn't keep in touch with many because of it. Anyway, I always say reinforce the positive, and I am improving and thats good news so I figured to share.
Let's share good news that will help, kinda like a group-therapy thing!

 

You porn addicts will someday become sex addicts. You heard it here first...

 

im very confused.

 

There is some good news on the Porn Front:

There was an MIT study which suggests there's a direct correlation between the drop of reported rapes across the country, and the ever increasing, ever expanding availability of internet porn.

The brain rewards the internet porn viewer with a rush of adrenalin (which oddly enough is mildly addictive) and allows the viewer to expand his or her range of fantasy through masturbation.



Hotwater

 

Remember it's only a suggestion and not necessarily truth. There are support groups for people with porn addiction. I believe acknowledging the problem is probably the 1st step in dealing with it. I admire your courage (((pornaddict))). I hope you find a solution!!

 

The triviality of this amuses me.

 

I have a large collection of 'Vintage Porn' from the 1930s-1980s.
This was my excuse,a few years back, to throw out any 'modern-day' pornos especially the newer porn mags which are an insult to 'sex'.
I don't think it matters that you like porn a lot ,but really you should differentiate between tasteful,wholesome sexy porn & the ugly,grotesque exploitation porn of today; which is out to rip you off with it's glossy colourful trash images.

 

your in luck Jesus, send me $6.00 for 6 Playboys + mailing and I'll send you some more porn.

Playboys
May, 1992
Sept, 2000
August, 1986
December, 1988
November, 1995
November, 1993

also have these but they are even more porny, so they are worth more.
1993Yellow Pages - x-rated swingers directory
D-Cup - dec 92 x-rated

peace

 

meh, don't let stereotypes control you.
Though I'm a girl, I used to have a porn addiction too. It's not just something that men have.
Anyways, it's actually no big deal. I turned Christian and I just realized how it's all in your mind.
If you want to get rid of it, have the will for it, it's no problem at all.
I usually could just think " shut up flesh" when some stuff popped up. And ignore it. After a while it will completely go away, just don't think "oh, it's too hard" as society keeps on trying to inculcate you to believing. because that's pure bull.
And I know of many ( Christian though ) guys AND girls that conquered a porn addiction and others that never had an addiction and either never looked at it, or haven't seen anything like that in ages.

 

A website that I pray may help some of you who are addicted to internet pornography (One of the strongest addictions of all, in my experience)

www.xxxchurch.com

 

pornaddict, I think it's a truly courageous act to share your story with us. Thank you. A couple of weeks ago a man who comes to bible study confessed to us that he watches internet porn and masturbates. It was confronting for all of us, and half the guys in the room couldn't stop laughing. He was visibly upset, but didn't walk out. I'm sure he would be relieved to know that there is a forum such as this.

Thanks again.

 

ryu power is way off, supressing natural urges is unnatural and unhealthy, life is addictive and if we werent addicted to the rushes and emotions we get from it, we wouldnt wake up every day to deal with tax collectors, meter maids, and telemarketers.

The key here is to improve your personal life and set personal goals, make more money, buy more houses, get more cars, whatever resources you will need to allow you to surround yourself with people you enjoy being around, and find the girls you want to be with, and bang them out. Humans are primates and primates are mammals, and as mammals we craved intercourse to fulfil one of our most important primal needs. This porn is just a quick-fx(bandaid) for your vibrant sexuality that is looking for outlets. look for real life outlets for this personality strength you clearly express, and share it with someone else who can keep up with your pace and interests. In the mean time, Lube up!

 

"There is more than one way to butter a piece of toast" - Honor Seed