Hi, I am new to the Hip forums. I have briefly looked around and I think you people might be able to help me out with a rather complex problem I have. Before I get into details, I need to include a bit of background info: I am 23 years old and have been a regular on another web forum for about a year now. A few months ago, a new girl joined. I shall refer to her as 'Alex'. She's 16 years old and lives quite a distance away from me. What makes this story complex is the fact I am disabled, have been in a wheelchair since I was 17. She knows I am disabled, the whole forum does, I haven’t concealed it in any way. The thing is that right from the start we’ve really been into each other, talking on msn, even flirting. She confessed that she really liked me (we had exchanged pictures) and wanted us to meet. I agreed. Her family was having a special occasion and she invited me along to it. When she told her parents about me I was banned from staying at her house (Because of the distance I couldn’t daytrip) I booked myself into a hotel nearby, and went up by train. We got on fine and everything, then at around 4o clock we left her house to hang around town and so I could check in to the hotel. That’s when surprise #1 of the day happened; she was allowed by her parents to rent her own room so she wouldn’t have to go back to the house late at night. We were expressly forbidden from entering each others rooms although there was no way they could enforce this. She didn’t get her own room but instead shared with me. We were kissing and cuddling on the bed and I was extremely happy until surprise #2 of the day happened. I moved my hand up to her breast, but she pushed it away. This happened several times until she told me not to do it. I asked her if she wanted to ‘sleep with me’ and she said no. I was completely gutted, she had made it abundantly clear before online that she did, which was why she got herself permission to get a room herself. I was asking myself why the sudden change of heart? Chief suspect was my disability of course: it’s one thing to know about it, another thing to see it for yourself. Then I wondered if I was just a crappy kisser? Maybe she just didn’t fancy me anymore? We stayed awake till really late kissing, cuddling and generally talking bollocks, but nothing else. We got up and vacated the room about 10 minutes before checkout time. We basically hung around town till it was time for me to go. We were holding hands and everything. On the train platform she kissed me goodbye. This left me doubting my suspicions earlier; I used to have a girlfriend early on when I used the chair who absolutely refused to show any kind of affection in public. Alex obviously doesn’t have any problem there so I’m guessing it’s not the disability. The next day she told me on msn that she didn’t want to continue the relationship because the ‘distance made it too painful’ and not seeing me everyday would be too hard. She apologized for ‘leading me on’. She later changed her mind and said that she did want me and explained her problem at the hotel as lack of confidence with her body and stuff. She does want to have sex with me, although neither of us have any plans to pursue it as a long-term relationship. We’ve talked on msn, cybered a couple of times since then and exchanged texts. We plan to meet again soon, but I need to know if I’m wasting my time here. The reason I want to know is because someone else, who I’ll call ‘Betty’ seems to be quite interested in me, we flirt a bit at a distance. She knows about Alex I think so doesn’t really want to get involved. So what do I do? Why doesn’t Alex want to go for it? Would she be the same next time we met? Opinions please? P.S. No religious comments about what I’m doing sending me to hell please, according to scripture I’m already going to hell for being disabled. Thanks. And the legal age of consent is 16 btw.
lol noone's gonna hassle you about religious repercussions here man Anyways, it's rare that I ever see these "eRelationships" actually go to such an extent. I'd definitely go with this Alex chick for a while and see how things develope. Aside from her insecurity with her body, you have to remember that she was doing something she shouldnt just by being in your room alone so that was probably bothering her a lot too. If she was hanging out with you all day in public, making out with you in your room, holding hands and kissing you good bye, she obviously has no problems with you being wheel-chair-bound. She was just nervous about a bunch of things at the same time, and the difference between men and women is that men wouldn't let that stop anything, they'd just think of how to deal with it afterwards. Women are more precautionary a lot of the time, and would rather not cause a possibly problematic situation. So yeah, just see how things develope. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be living together with pretty little kids and everything.
Has she had sex befor?? its a very important thing for a 16 yr old girl. she prolly dosnet think of sex the same way u do...but i would stick with her... could be something good. and aslong as ur doing that id leave the other girl out of it... thats not gonna make "alex" any more sucure with the situation
If you feel something between Alex and yourself then of course you're not wasting your time. But obviously no one can predict the future either. I'd chill on thoughts of anything serious with Betty for the time being. If things fizzle with you and Alex then maybe consider something else at that point. But how would you feel if Alex was considering some other guy while you're struggling to comprehend what's going on between the two of you? It's no different on her end. Once again, no one can fortell how she will be the next time you meet. But as confidences grow stronger and more time is spent sharing together you should be getting closer. If things start moving the other way and growing distant you will know. Take things at Alexs' pace... she might be "going for it" after all but taking things at her own pace. ~7 (p.s. sure her name isn't spelled Alix?)
Sounds like a bit of a problem. Alex was probably nervous about getting too intimate about the whole situation because of the circumstances. Is she sexually active already?
Thanks for your comments everyone.. She is definately a virgin, she told me that herself. She has kissed a lot of people before though (both guys and girls) but apparently this was when she was drunk. As confirmed by her rl best friend She was considering seeing some other guy at one point from the same forum, I'll call him 'Carl'. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable as it would be so easy for her to comparre us. This is another thing that confuses me; she appears to want a sexual relationship but also doesn't, if you see what I mean. Her name isn't really Alex, or even close to it so i'm not really concerned with the spelling.
I don't know what you said about your disability, but I think that this girl was convinced that the liaison was going to be non-sexual, and baled out on you through surprise when it started heading in that direction. Cbrmale
It's a tough one when so many issues are involved! Looking at it from her age, it could be any of the things. I don't think you need to worry about it being about your disability, as you said she doesn't have a problem kissng you in public etc. I got together with someone I met on the net, I was 16 and he was 22 so that age gap is about the same as you two. We were together for nine months. The first time I met him, no matter how strongly I felt for him I wouldn't have been able to do more than kiss him because it would have felt wrong. No matter how close you get to someone over the Internet, even if you do the cyber thing, it's still nowhere near to reality. It's a lot easier to be brave on here! I think you said Alex is a virgin, so maybe when given the opportunity to sleep with you it was a bit overwhelming. I'm sure she didn't intend to give off mixed signals. I could be a million miles away from the right answer but I hope that helps. Have you asked her about it all? Good luck with it.
She might want a sexual relationship but be scared or not feel ready or something, especially if it's her first time. I guess this is the same with guys- some girls are happy just to be rid of their virginity but most girls want their first time to be special. If she was going against her parents she might not feel right having sex. Also, even though you guys are really close, as Hippysmurf said, it's different in real life. I think she wants a sexual relationship but wants to take it one step at a time. I don't think your disability bothers her or yeah, she wouldn't kiss you and stuff. Just be patient and I think it'll pay off Summer. xx.
Another worry she might have is if she's a virgin and you're not. That could be a bit imtidating, especially as you're older than her. Summer. xx.
