parting can be such sweet sorrow

Can you be absolutely in love with someone but there's something, just one something, their not giving you that you need.

Could it work? Even if it never stops bothering you.

Or do you leave them with love in your heart?

I love him with all of my heart, he's perfect in everyway but one. I need a more emotional bond with him. I need more than good times and friendship and great sex, we've been together long enough to expand from that. I need us to gaze into each other's eyes at night and just feel each other's souls. I need to tell him all thats on my mind and I need him to do the same back (and not go uh hun while starring at the t.v.) Won't he because he knows the reasons will hurt me? Maybe he doesn't want to relize he doesn't really want to be with me forever, and wants to live in a dream I'm about to break. Because I need this to be real. To be deep.

Maybe I can just resort to heavy drug use to mask the pain, but then I'd be a loser and I don't want to be one.

I hope today goes well. It's time for the "talk"...

 

Men just aren't as emotionally centered as women. They don't see or interpret emotions in the same way. Just a fact. He probably doesn't even really know what you are talking about.

This is where the little girl princess fairytales lead you but it is not real life. No one can keep up these expectations year after year in a real life relationship. I think that you are being a little unrealistic. Just my opinion. You have to look for what you have in any given situation and not what you don't have. You won't be happy until you do. If you think you will leave this relationship and replace him with a "perfect" man for you that will always be "perfect" in your expectations I am afraid you are going to be quite lonely in your old age. Do you measure up to all of his wants, needs and desires perfectly? No.

 

i say go for the drug addiction.....and maybe you could then find your true love while prostituting yourself in some back alley....

 

you said alot of things I did not say myself. maybe you missed the point? And Fuck if you think I'm some teenage princess twat. I'm more mature than that. Maybe you are not?

 

Honestly, if you aren't happy with the guy, and feel your relationship is shallow, I reckon you should tell him what's on your mind and what you want from him. If you haven't talked with him about this before, I think you should give him a chance to be more emotional and loving before moving on.

Just my 2C worth.

Here's hoping that helps and wishing you luck

 

I have before... but last night was a break through!!!!! I guess I finally worded what I've been telling him for sooooo long right. I cried I was so happy.

And Haid he understood exactly what I meant. Thank god he's not as emotionally retarded as most men (or the ones you make out to be)....

 

So you explained that you needed him to gaze into your soul?? I am glad he understood it. You will find though a lot of times men just agree.

I did not mean it like that. IME though a lot of women start getting unhappy in long term relationships because they make themselves believe "their souls are not being gazed upon". I was just stating that fairy tales and real life are different, not putting you down. In a couple of weeks you will have the same problems and they probably will remain until you become more accepting or drive yourself away. Its just my opinion, no need to get all shaken up about it.

 

sorry i got offended. but me needing an emotional bond and you saying get real? yes i understand your point and I have thought over and over in my head just let it be, everything is fine, but i've never been good at lying and especially not to myself. maybe some guys can't open up, but they'll never be the ones to put a ring on my finger either.

thank god though he did understand. i'm soooo happy i still have my baby, and now we're stronger than ever. and yes we will fight, love, break down, and be born anew, but as long as we're at least growing and expanding our horizons and our love, i will be happy

 

First, congrats that things are going well, at least for now.

To clarify the issue discussed so far... Is the key part that you "need us to gaze into each other's eyes at night and just feel each other's souls."

Or is it more a matter than you

Because, well, the gazing into each others souls does sound a bit cheezy and unrealistic in the long term. But, being able to talk about what's on your mind, and to feel like he's opening up to you, without him staring at the idiot box the whole time -- that's what communication is all about. I don't think that aspect is unrealistic at all.

Frankly, I can't say I would stay in a relationship with someone, even if I felt I loved him, if he weren't there for me emotionally or if I felt he were shutting me out emotionally. That was a significant part of my reason for leaving one of my ex-serious-bfs.

My fiance is my best friend and we are both very open with our thoughts and emotions. On occasion, I have to yell at him for trying to send out an email while I'm telling him about something that excited/upset me that day, but for the most part we're both really good about actively listening and all that snazzy jazz. But, I can't say we've ever gazed into each others souls...

 

if you're with a guy who you have to stay numb with (ie-you feeling the need to use drugs) then it's not healthy for you, find somone who you can have some self-esteem with, or even better be alone and find what you need from within you . Don't let a man messwith your head though, they're a dime a dozen

 

LOL, why does your sarcasticness always make me laugh???

 

...........Annie's right you're a goof d:

 

for the most part that was sarcasm on my part, about drug use... but yea all men mess with your head. You just find one one day that you'll love (hopefully) for the rest of your life and gives you a better trip than most. Neither one of us is perfect, but I do think we make a good fit

 

no, not all men mess with your head, it's not normal.

 

I agree with this.

In your first post you were talking about leaving when you have the above going for you. I was just saying that men express emotion differently. Sounds like you have a lot going for you here and it sounded like you were happy but expecting a fantasy. Sorry if I mis-read it.