Ok so here's the deal: My GF broke up with me a week ago all of a sudden she said she did not love me anymore, announced that her grand plans of leaving the country have changed she isn't coming back after her college and she wants to settle in that country . I told her I still love her, she said she wanted to be friends, I told her to give me a week so I can recover and we’ll talk about that. I called her in the middle of that week and asked her to go out and have a coffee with me, she refused saying that we were separated…..I got pissed never called her again and the rest of the week that I had asked her to leave me passed. It’s now exactly 1 week and 1 day after the break up, she hasn’t called, she hasn’t logged onto yahoo I really don’t know even if she’s in town anymore. I loved her, I truly did she fucked up my whole world by doing this turned my universe upside down and I’m getting more and depressed every passing day, I get REAL heart aches and I suffocate in the morning because I dream all kinds of nasty shit about her like her cheating . There is also a twist in my tale, about 2 days after the break up I got pissed about her just flushing me out of her life like a piece of shit and started chatting with a girl on yahoo…… at first gently hitting in her not because I liked her but I felt the need to “avenge” myself in some way. Then something interesting started to happen…I started to like her a lot, she’s cute..she has an innocent face that I absolutely love at girls with tiny freckles that make her even cuter, she has a wonderful personality and we share interests and ideas. Now I’m no fool appearances can be deceiving over the internet but I’m attending a forum meeting tomorrow and she will be present there and I really want to get to know her better because I really like her. My question to you is: am I doing this out of rage and need to get back at my ex or because I’m over the break up? I really don’t know what I feel or do….. I started to cry today for the first time since I broke up with my ex while listening to “James Blunt-goodbye my lover”, but when the other girl logged on I was immediately happy and forgot all about my pain . Am I clinging to the other for emotional support? I have to say I talked to her about my relationship I confessed I connected and related to some of her past relationships…we shared ideas and points of view regarding human relationships…while at the same time I launched subtle but understandable signals that I liked her. Tomorrow I’ll meet her but it won’t be a date or something., it will just be 2 people having their own conversation in the middle of a quite large forum meeting. I want to take this as a starting point for me to decide if I press further and ask her out or just cut things off there . There is a “point of no return” and that is if my ex suddenly finds out that I went with another girl then our ways will part for good and there won’t be room for anything else, then again she very clearly stated when I called her that we are OVER. Another thing that goes through my mind is what if she is already seeing another guy and I’m squeezing my nuts here in anger for nothing and still waiting around for her .. I’ve also told her that if at any point in our relationship a third person steps in I step out.. no matter if It is during a break-up or cheating. I know you’ll hit me with the double standards line but if I go out with the other girl I don’t really intend to get back with her…even if this new thing doesn’t work out , I would feel like I disgraced my ex and I rather don’t do that. To end it all off I must say that she is due to leave for the other country in about 3 months (or another chance in 1 year..it's a university scholarship)and it's not a totally sure thing..i wonder what will happen if she doesn't get the chance to leave...i wonder if she said she did not love me anymore to make things easier for her..to leave with no "rock" tied to her foot . For the last time…. I WONDER what will happen to me if my thing with the second girls works out and she comes back screaming and crying 3 months from now. Crap I really don’t know what to do ,I don’t know if I love my ex any more or I’m just holding on to her memory , I don’t know if I got real attraction for the second girl or just need to vent my frustration that I got dumped PS: Oh..pardon me I forgot my manners... hello and a good day to everyone
well ....sounds like your ex has moved on ....i say go out with the new girl and at least have some fun........and stop thinking about it so much......the what if's will screw your brain up....
Indeed my friend that's what I intend to do......today I woke up with the second girl running thru my head not the pain of the ex . I just wished that there would be more opinions here because by the time i'll get back today the "point of no return" will be crossed
I think I made a huge mistake...te next few days will proove me wrong or right. I've met the second girl, did not have time to really talk to her at the meeting , so i popped the "do you wanna get out sometime" question tonight on yahoo......the results link to my "PS" below. Also she said she'll meet me in private ..I told her to take her time and let me know when and if she wants that. So the ball is in her hands..but with the twist below PS: Guys how do you fight the "i'm only looking for friends right now " syndrome
don't fight the syndrome. just don't bother. emotionally unavailable people are not suddenly gonna become available just because you are. they'll become available to the right person and no one else. it's just how it is. usually when someone say's they're just looking for friends is because it's true. they're sick of dating and deep relationships and are not ready for new ones. and i do think you're seeking a relationship connection desperately because you're suddenly alone and injured. it's human nature. don't make more of it than what it is: rebound. loneliness is never harder than those first few weeks after a relationship ends. just keep trudging forward and don't commit yourself to more than you're capable of doing. it's a really common error.
You're right..i gave it a lot of thought and probably that's what it is....... as i said i passed the ball into her hands,i told her that i won't say anything about it unless she sais something...so she probably won't...but that's good beause i'm having second thoughts about all of this. I like her...a lot...but i can't fight if she does not want it or doesn't feel attracted to me
yea just keep that positive outlook and dont switch back to that need and dependance on your ex, otherwise it could spiral out of control. if you did go out with her, then your ex wanted you back and so you broke up with her...you may regret using her as a rebound relationship if it turned out she really was nice. its smart of her not to get involved right now because it doesnt seem like YOUR ready to be in another relationship, let along her
I really would not do something like that to her she is a really nice girl and to top it all off i really have no intention to get back with my ex even if she comes back and even given the fact that she left me.Furthermore i don't "do" rebounds or at least i don't think i do......if i'm in and she likes it i won't have second thoughts about my ex...no way... i'm pretty much over..90% ...still got some "why?"'s lingering in the back of my mind. It's her loss i really did and behaved like a real dude in love i catered to her every needs i told her that i loved her a lot of times i skipped lots of things to be with her.....in the end i think she just got bored of me being around a lot..i suffocated her..but that's me... my love wraps up the person....a little too tight i'm afraid...i'll have to learn to let some slack here and there
There are just as many that would love all the attention. Don't beat yourself up over what was probably just your ex trying to free up before the "trip". If the new girl wants to be friends, leave at that and go have a good time. She will let you know latter on if She is interested in more.
News: I started talking to one of her friends and the deal is that she likes me but she is to shy even to suggest that she might like me so she played the let's be friends "card"...her friend's advice was to press forward with caution Next move is at the end of this week...wish me luck..i really like this one ... for the first time in more than a week i woke up not with pain in my heart but with this girl on my mind
A small update on the situation.....it gets complicated every hour The meeting was over 1 week ago... she came at the meeting with her best friend... and unfortunately ( or fortunately ??!?!? ) her best friend likes me ...a lot.....she is coming onto me strongly making strong moves it was clear as daylight that she digs me....but the problem is...( i know you're gonna laugh given the situation above) i only see this third girl as a friend :| . Story of my life.. the girls that i like don't seem very interested and the ones that like me don't get my attention. Don't get me wrong the third girl is hot as hell but she just doesn't give me that...feeling that i could connect with her... :-\
Step back, youre not ready! Any girl you date not will be suffering out of the fact that youre not REALLY over your ex. Be fair to them... and yourself
I am over my ex i really am i did not believe that i could say that but i am. I don't miss her i don't have any bad feelings i don't hate hate or nothing. I just want to get on with my life...i already said i am not "that" type of person i don't want to hurt anybody..i won't build my happines on someone's sorrow . The problem is now focused on these 2 "best friends" and the fact that whatever choice i make will hurt another ....shitty thing is i don't want to look elsewhere because i think i'm falling for the one that i met at the meet( the one that seems not interested) Funny thing is the split has moved between this girl and my ex to between the 2 best friends.....damn..this is complicated
Don't date any of them and move on to people that aren't going to bring drama. Relationships and drama should not go hand in hand.
Another update on my situation..if anybody cares . I'm casually having fun with the girl's best friend.....the one that had her eye on me at the previously mentioned meet . Nothing sexual..just hanging out..going for walks....laughing..doing crazy stuff like "challenges ) " we go for walks at 2 or 3 am in the morning........and i feel...a lot of sparks....from me..from her..but i did not act..purely because..i just..don't want to get involved in anything right now. It's futile to say that i forgot all about the first girl...well..almost.. we still chat but..nothing more. I found out that my ex was lying..all this time....there was..a third person..she met..over yahoo... probably fell in love and hooked up a couple of days after she told me that she does not love me anymore..... the whole leaving for another country...was..bullshit.... Anyway..... i'm not kidding.... he's waaaay bellow me..in everything....that's kind of an offence.... bellow in looks..height....intelligence...humour..almost..everything. But love is blind...and that i knew it...
