life is short I wanna know what you all think I should do

Ok I dated this incredible guy, Sam, for about eight months or so and he was totally in love with me. I was with him, also, but I didn't know how to handle it (I was raised emotionally abused and don't know how to handle my feelings) so I ended up fighting with him a lot and eventually we broke up. This was in February. Of course it wasn't until after he was gone that I realized how much I needed him and I wanted him back but he was moving on...so eventually I got over him and started dating the guy I'm dating now. we've only been an item for a month or so and I can tell that it's not going to work that well. He (Sam) also has another girl, who's family he is currently living with. Two nights ago I met up with Sam at a party and he told me how he thinks about me all the time, we reminisced about all our good times and appologized to each other for the way we acted when we were together. It was an amazing time and we stayed up all night talking and making love. I never thought I would see him again and now I just can't stop thinking about him and wishing I had told him how I felt (I was kind of on mute because I didn't know what to do, having this other guy) Now the other guy is gone and all I wanna do is find him and tell him how I feel, but every time I see him, he's with his girl and it's an awkward situation. I'm wondering if I should just try to talk to him, or at least tell him that I need to talk to him, whether his girlfriend is around or not. She'll be leaving for some kind of military boot camp this month, so I would just wait until she was gone, but it's driving me crazy and Sam said something about moving to New York, but I don't remember when he said he would be doing that, and I'm scared of waiting until it's too late. I'm constantly thinking about him and I can't do anything anymore, I'm in love all over again and just thinking about how much feeling I have for him makes me want to cry. Three times today out of the blue in public places I've had to choke back my tears. What should I do?!

 

phone the geeza and say u wanna meet up and talk to him. then tell him how you feel, dont say anythin when his birds around cos she'll get all bitchy and its also pretty tight on her soo the best i can say is phone him and tell him u wanna meet up..... its best to tell him face2face cos its a bit impersonal and meaningless on the phone

 

I don't have his phone number!!! I asked his parents today how I could get ahold of him and they don't even have a phone number for him.

 

Can you cut this down to about two or three sentences?

 

basically she loves her ex and wants to tell him how she feels but hes got a girlfriend and she keeps cryin when she thinks about him and is really worried

 

I don't think you have it quite right, mellow hendrix. he wants me back, also...

 

Naaa, when she was with her ex they loved eachother but didn't treat eachother right so they broke up and met up again recently, hit it off again, had a great time together but she didn't tell him how she felt. Now she wants to get a hold of him so she can do that but he has a girlfriend and doesn't have a number so she's wondering what she can do to get a hold of him.

I say leave your number with his parents and tell them that it's really really really important that they give it to him and have him call you as soon as possible...then when he does, tell him you want to meet up and then tell him how you feel and all that good stuff.

 

Yes you need to talk to him asap. If he truly wants you back, he should be struggling to get ahold of you too. Does he have your number or a way to get in touch with you? But if you only ever run into him with his g/f umm that should sorta tell you something. If he waltzes out of your life without ever trying to get ahold of you in return... you have to consider the fact that perhaps his feelings aren't quite the same as yours.

Wanting you for an evening to talk and even make love yet all the while steadfast clinging to his present girlfriend does not really show true feelings there from him. In fact only ever seeing him with his g/f seems to indicate the exact opposite. Maybe he wants you back or maybe he wants you simply for "convenience" sake. One amazing evening together or fact that you're crazy in love with him does not necessarily mean he feels the same. There is only one way to find out... talk to him.

Drag him aside for a minute even if he's with his g/f and tell him to call you. If he wants you back all along like you think then this will not be a problem. But if he's all beside himself like "I can't believe you just did that!" well you will have to take the situation before you a little bit at face value. Feeling akward about your mentioning in front of his g/f that you really need to talk to (to tell him your true feelings) well... just don't want to see you set yourself up for a broken heart. Try to temper your feelings accordingly but you surely owe it to yourself to talk to him to find out. Good luck. ~7

 

ok, I went to his parents' today and gave them a letter to give to him and told them it was really important. They told me they would hold on to it and give it to him next chance they got.

about the girlfriend thing, I've been hearing about their relationship being bad and he is totally the kind of person who would stick with the relationship in order to have a place to stay (otherwise, he would be homeless).

The morning of the night we spent together he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. He could also very well be waiting for his girlfriend to leave before picking up the phone, as they are always together, she being insecure, so he could stay there without conflict as long as possible. (he's cheated on her with me before)

The only reason I put so much validity in him wanting me back also is because of how much he talked about our good times together and how we were the only ones there for each other in a six month period and how he really regrets fucking everything up. Do you guys think I'm being gullible?

The only ways I've come up with on how to find him is to either drive around town (I've seen him walking around with his girlfriend twice) or mailing him a letter with my number and a message telling him I really need to talk to him. I really don't want to drive around and feel stalkerish so I'm gonna write up a letter tonight and send it out tomorrow.

 

Hi Tamee!

They say "Time heals all wounds", and the proof is right there in your post. You have to do right for yourself, and you have to do that before you can do right for others.

The wounds you felt that prompted your initial breakup: You feel they are healed.

But would you say that the fighting, the initial break-up, and the love you feel now, are still causing you some pain?

Perhaps if you weren't feeling pain, you wouldn't be so confused.
Perhaps you wouldn't feel like there was something to be dealt with, and you wouldn't be asking here for a way to deal with it.

If you have any doubts about it - and I think you do, then why not do nothing, absolutely nothing, about it?

I'm sure that if it is right for you to be together, you won't stop loving him just because you're apart.
And wouldn't you like that to be true for Sam, too?
Of course you would. If he goes to NY, and each of you have a love that is real, he'll be there for you and you will be there for him.

Do you think you need to make sure you are happy? Yup, I think you do.
So, why not put yourself in a situation where you will begin to feel confident and not so upset?

Then you'll be able to really decide for yourself what to do.

It's your life, isn't it? Why not live it for yourself, first and foremost? I'm sure that nobody else can do it for you. After all, you owe it to nobody else apart from yourself to be happy.
Like you said yourself: Life is short.
Life is tough enough. So, being happy is better than being unhappy.

 

wow I really appreciate that post. But I have one question: What about this constant erge I have to tell him how I feel? I just want him to know, that's all. But just reading what you had to say really calmed me thank you so much!

 

So not only did you fuck around on your current boyfriend (gee, no wonder "it's not going to last"), you got your ex to fuck around on his current girlfriend.
"Three times today out of the blue in public places I've had to choke back my tears. What should I do?!"

You should see a fuckin' psychiatrist. If you can't make it through a day without breaking down because of how much you "love" some guy, you ain't right yet, and shouldn't be involved in a deep relationship until you get your head straightened out.

In the meantime, maybe not fuckin' cheating on people with other cheaters could get you started on the right road. I don't give a shit if you're all lovey-dovey about Sam, you don't have the right to do that to your current boyfriend, or to the girl Sam's currently with, and he's an asshole for doing that to her, too.

Just what do you expect of others if YOU are not good enough to not cheat on people? The world wonders why the divorce rate is over 50% and no one can see that it's because of selfish people who see nothing wrong with ANYTHING they might do as long as that anything is something for their own benefit.

You need to grow up, that's what you need to do.

-

 

What the fuck do you want with a guy whose own parents don't even know how to fuckin' get in touch with him? Must be a reallll winner.

This whole thing sounds like a trailer park soap opera.

-

 

wow... you seem bitter

 

tigerlilly, you made me laugh

i didn't have time to read everyone's posts, but you have to tell him how you feel- he seems like he feels the same, and he could be the one, only you can tell

 

Jesus, I don't even want to help you with this "problem" -- you and he and she and everyone around you sound like a bunch of dysfunctional FUCKUPS! "He's cheated on her with me before..." GEE! GREAT FUCKIN' GUY YOU'RE HUNG UP ON. I guess since he cheated WITH you, it's OKAYYYY! Oh, and he's the kind of guy who uses girls even though the relationship is "bad" because they provide him a place to stay? What a great fella! This is all you think you rate?! Jesus, if that's good enough for you, chick, then maybe you should drive around all day looking for him like the psycho stalker you are beginning to sound like! Maybe it'll pay off, you can get into a fist-fight with his bitch, get carted off to jail for a night, and fit right in with all the other girls this guy has nailed. You probably have no idea how sick and sad this whole thing sounds, you desperate to get together with a guy who's lower than scum on shit on a pond bottom.

So you talked about all your "good times together." You're eighteen fuckin' years old. Stop makin' it sound like you've spent a decade together building up some sort of a life!

You've given him your number, he hasn't called, he's always with his gullible bitch who he cheats on (repeatedly) and you're sitting here wondering if he has these lovey-dovey feelings for you. You're fuckin' pathetic! I can't believe you're actually a real, live person! You should fuckin' be on Jerry Springer this is so friggin' disturbed!

-

 

he's gotta choose between his current gf and u now. he did cheat on her with u. you both seem to have trouble moving on. no one is gonna be like sam. everyone is different. if u feel nothin for the new guy ditch him. there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Move On like he did!

 

quote: You're fuckin' pathetic! I can't believe you're actually a real, live person! You should fuckin' be on Jerry Springer this is so friggin' disturbed!


Peaceful Jeffrey, every post I read by you makes me repulsed by you even further, you are a kenny G loving toe sucking asshole....fuck you and your random morals.

Perhaps you could go yell at some 4 year olds and make fun of them because they can't read now.....

I'm going to go into all your lame threads and rip on you now, like you did to this 18 year old girl who was wanting advice about a not so complicated situation, and not too uncommon.

my grandma lives in Florida, why don't you go suck on her toes you fucking freak.

 

ok, just to get it straight, I didn't cheat on my guy with Sam. we had broken up a few days before hand because we both needed some time apart, but we were still talking to each other a lot. THEN Sam and I got together.

So I sent that letter out today and got on with my life so whatever happens will happen.