Everyone has fears, but there is always that "deepest fear" that lies beneath. The greatest fear I think (what it all boils down to) is loss. Loss of life, loss of family, loss of property, loss of health, loss of love...etc. Loss sucks. That's why Kris Kristofferson once sang, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." That's why Jim Morrison prodded us to confront our fear head-on and then we can truly be free. My Kafka-esque experience with "the authorities" leads me to my worst fear of all-- prison. I am an ardent supporter of reform and believe that the human zoo should only house true beasts--real threats to society. But, with the way the laws are today good people who fuck up can be locked inside the zoo with the beasts. And this is counter-productive to any progressive society. Jack Abbott's "In The Belly of The Beast" helped to fuel this fear in me. And some of the way I have seen people act who have been in the "big house" and got out is really pitiful. I once told my family that if by some chance I was ever carted off to prison that I would commit suicide first. I would never see the inside of a prison cell. I will not live my life in a cage. But, I also told them that if I failed and was sent, I would no doubt make it my life's goal to destroy the person responsible when I was released. And if they came after me again, I would go apeshit ballastic on a few asses before ending it for myself. I can't stand having no control over my own life, I'd rather die. I have had about four run-ins with the authorities in 10 years and none of them, ironically, was my fault. As a matter of fact, two of those times were due to the incompetence of the police's staff. I could've sued. The other was a complete fabrication by a person I pissed off and was never pursued other than my being questioned by detectives. They discovered the accusation was bullshit and gave my accuser a lesson in what happens to people who lie to the law. Crazily enough I have no "record" except for a stupid incident when I was 19 shooting a gun in the air within the city limits. I have never committed any horrible crime, but the paranoia still creeps within. Bush being President doesn't help matters any either.
My deepest fear is losing controll of myself....Ive always tried to keep a certain invisible web around my actions and emotions...and the thought of being too far gone to gather myself together quickly scares the hell out of me.
wow I really hate to admit this but for once I agree with Libertine, I never thought the day would come. Yes I too would never allow myself to go to prison. If it came to that, I assure anyone that I would go out fighting and die in the process. Any institution that allows animals to commit further acts against other people who are forced to be caged with them and then they only punish them by making them stay longer with the others that they inturn will assualt more seems pretty fucked up. Now Im sure how we believe those people should be dealt with will differ but atleast on that level I agree and that also that would be my greatest fear. I know I could hold my own by harming others is not my nature. I go out of the way and infact inflict harm upon myself to avoid hurting others. I know the damage Iam capable of sadly and never wish to have to do that to others, so to save myself the emotional issues I too would die first.
I have a deep fear of being manipulated and controlled by other people. It's what has led to me avoiding social contact, and has also led me to be very nihilistic and reject morality and many other basic social conventions, because they have been used to take control of me in my past.
Well said Lib. I too feel that one of my deepest and greatest fears is loss. I've been that way since I was a child. Many events made me feel this way, back then, as well as now. It can be overwhelming at times, suffocating even. But if I put too much thought into it, I would drive myself into a depression, so I just try to cherish it all now while I still can.
