Somthing is destroying me.

Im mike, im 18 and i feel as if somthing is destroying me from within. My family put me on the street when i was 18 and my dad was controlled by my step mother. Now my step mom fuckin hated me for some reason, since i was 7. at the age of 18( a couple months ago) my step brothr died of lukemia , shortly after that, i moved up in brooklyn with my aunt for some time, i moved back around the place where i was living with my dad and step mother, now im at my friedns house, a week ago i got pins takin out of my hand, and the surgeon fucked up big time. Now im thriving to make money with a fucked up hand. Now these people are trying to tax me 50 dollars a week to live here. Im thinking about joining the army or somthing. but i got a fucked up hand. I have extreme obsesion for learning linux, But where im at i cant seem to get my wireless card working cause this asshole guy that lives upstairs only has a wireless modem, i had to hack his 64bit hex wep on windows, and other people say wireless card cant be configured for llinux. so i sit on shitty windows all day. i dono what the fuck to do. And as for a week ago my friend bucky killed himself, shot himself in the head. No im not emo, fate hase fucked me hard. I dono weather or not i should commit suicide. I been on pills n shit for adhd and depression since i was 4 i think all this shit got to my head. I dono what to do anymore. i been to mental doctors since i was 4, no one helped me...is there an answer to this? i just wish for a miricle to happen. But i just keeping stumbling accross the wrong things. am i one of those fucked in life? I honestly thought to myself that suicide should be when all else absalutly fails. I feel as if all else is failing quickly. Life is short... Its moving to fast, and im falling qickly. help

 

im sure you have heard from many that suicide is not the answer. its cliche, yes, but true. what if there is life after death? what if suicide leads to a horrible millenium for your sould? i dont mean to lecture you, i tend to panic when i hear somebody say they want to commit suicide. what you need is love. my advice to you is to go to church. no, im not a preechy holly-roller hell bent on converting hethens. you dont have to believe in God to go to church. but if you go to the right church, there are people there that are willing to help you, that will be there for you. thats why they call it a fellowship. and if you go to the right church, they wont judge you, thats a common misconception. believe me, friends are the answer. you could be a millionair and still be misirable if you dont have anyone to share it with. i just have one friend at the moment, but she's the only one who keeps me going.
and if you just hang in there, a miricle just might happen. if you need more help, you may pm me. ill listen
peace

 

You make your own path..Forget about dwelling on shit like fate..It's keeping you stagnant.
Maybe try the computer forum for ideas on your linux/windows issues.

Best wishes. Hope you can help things get rolling to make it turn around.

 

slipped on keyboard. see below

 

first you have to mentally establish a base of operations and a perimeter

to do this, do these things in this order

get a sheet of paper, at the top of it write MY GOALS ie what do you want from life
under it write MY SITUATION

write down your situation as briefly as possible

accomodation: physical location pros/cons
food: what you eat pros and cons
clothing: what you wear pros/cons
knowledge: what you know (stick with - there are no cons with having knowledge)
local area where do you live
job: physical location, pay, conditions, what is expected of you.
health: are you fit? do you have injuries? what are the pros and cons of your health?

read: rudyard kiplings "If"

write MY MISSION
under it write how you intend to get from your situation to how you are going to get to your goals.

once you've done this consider these things

as always work with your strengths

things that you need to do to survive in the modern world

you must learn a trade, if all goes to shit you can always fall back on it
you must become mobile
you must find employment ideally learning a trade at the same time
you need a job where you are valued, taking any old shitty JOB will not get you any where, employers that do not value their employee are hire and fire, which means when they are done with and/or you are broken they will get rid of you.
do not abide by fools, stay away from idiots
consider that you are not correct in your thinking, you must continually ask if all that you know is correct. if someone comes along and can justify a point of view do not immediately reject it
keep all documentation in a folder, school certificates, tax file numbers. try and keep copies of these things somewhere safe.
you need to get an accountant - chances are you will pay too much tax otherwise.
think carefully if you intend to be rude or violent towards other people, will there be "blowback" ? , ever heard about karma. anything that you send out will probably come back to you. (9/11 was karma ding donging on americas door.) what you sow - you reap

and above all you must think!!!

now revise your original mission statement

 

sorry...I farted.

 

I'm sorry to read this thread Pysnake.



'guy' has given you some really good suggestions, however I would like to elaborate a little more.



You see it's come to my understanding that what we think about most will come to us. The universe works on some very specific laws and one of these laws is the law of attraction. What thoughts you hold in your mind and mix with emotion will attract like energy and as an effect will manifest into a reality.



Believe it or don't believe it but everything that you complain about you have attracted into your own life by thought and emotion. When you feel bad about something and mix it with thought you are sending powerful attractions out to the universe which as a result you are attracting more circumstances that are similar to what you are thinking and feeling about.



When someone continually looks at a mountain of debt and they feel bad about it all that is attracted to them is the circumstances that will bring them more debt. Because they have spent time thinking about it and mixed it with bad emotions. You can control your thoughts just like we can control when to blink and when to breath. If you change your thoughts you can conquer self.



Forget about what you don't have, or what is going wrong in your life. Concentrate on ONLY the things that you do want and spend time and energy thinking and feeling about these things only. Believe you are already in the position that you want to be in, and imagine what it feels like owning a brand new car, brand new house, or the money that you want. Or whatever it is that you desire.



Pysnake: If you would like to talk or speak to me more feel free to send me a message from my website. www.cannabisaddicts.com



I HIGHLY recommend that you find $5 and watch this film called The Secret. It will explain things in a more concise manner. Go there now, www.thesecret.tv believe me it is worth it. It will explain everything I have wrote about in this message.



Life was meant to be abundant. Not miserable. You can choose what happens in your life. Fate occurs everyday, it is the attraction that brings circumstances to you. Watch the secret, apply the principles and see for yourself.



All my best,

Gary

 

That's so true.

Hi Pysnake - My name's Gibran. I'm new to this forum. I want to help you (or at least try).

You sound like me when I was 18. Around 18/19 were the darkest years of my life. I too have ADHD and I've been in and out of depressed episode all my life (they're not as bad as they use to be). I never had my hand fucked up by a doctor or had a friend commit suicide, but my life hasn't been easy.

It sounds like you've got a thing for computers, like me. Maybe that's something you should look into (even if it's Windows for now ). It's a skill that, if honed, could really pay off in the long run. How easily can you type with your hand?

How involved are you in drugs? That's something that can really hinder your ability to get back on your feet. I know it's kind of an awkward thing to say on the Hip Forum, but drugs have been known to ruin lives - just pace yourself.

Anyway, I don't think I'm saying anything insightfully eye-opening or life-changing here, but I would like to help. I do have a B.A. in psychology so if you ever want to talk about something, PM me or just post a rant here. Rants are good when you've got something you need to get off your chest.

EDIT:
Oh, and lucyinthesky16 is right about the friends. A good friendship base (or family) is the cornerstone of any healthy development. Life becomes so much easier with that in the background. How are you for friends, or just anybody who you genuinely feel cares about you?

 

Guy i feel sorry for you, step-moms are real bitches. IF everythgin is so bad, I would suggest to go to Army, they will make you a more strogn man, and if you dont die in fight you gonan have money for education adn ur life wil go STRAIGH UP !, what otehr chocie do u have, if ur life is the same as shitty fighting in baghdad that yo uwnana kill ur self ? but tis only one difference army brings future to you. and who knows if you have this computer skilzl maybe you dont even need to fight, jsut sit in the base and work on the comp.

 

Its been a week now and nothing has changed. I had 3 dieing wishs and my 3rd has failed. I now feel as if i have absalutly nothing to loose. I dont know how much longer... I realy have noone to discuss these problems with, nor do i want to discuss these problems to any people i know personaly. what should i do. by the way its just great how when i google Pysnake my listing come up from hipforums. and everything great.
I am in desperate need of help and everyday that goes by i feel less and less afraid of death. And in a way its scares me and makes me think more and more ontop of what i am left to think about.

 

Pysnake, I said you could PM me. Go ahead!



Tell me what you're 3 dying wishes were in your PM.



Don't kill yourself yet.

 

Pysnake - read this thread over again. There is support being offered to you my friend. But you have to take it and also you have to ask for it if you want it.

Gary

 

this is some deep shit, i hope you find the way out pysnake. you have my support if you want it, feel more than free to pm me.

 

You have my support if you want it, feel more than free to pm me.

Me too.. dont ever commit suicide! open your mind! there are a lot of oppotunities outside! always remember Everything happens for a reason!

 

You just need to find something in your life that you do like. And if you can't, then you need to except your life the way it is first. People always want want want want, they can never just be content with what they have. Now I know your life sucks and you feel like shit and you just want to die, shit man, don't fucking kill yourself. Suicide is for the weak. FUCK IT, just keep going, regardless of what the fuck things are like for you right now. Just except things the way they are, this way when something new does come your way, you'll be grateful. Don't end your life, let life end you. You need to fucking breathe and just tell the world to just fuck off and suck on your fat one. Fuck everybody else, don't live up to other peoples expectations, this is about you and what you want. I know it's like people usually have a blank canvas to start from, and it feels like you don't even have a canvas to start anything from. You need a good, solid, stable, strong, foundation. You have to do this by yourself, no ones going to do it for you. I think first, you just need to except your life the way it is right now at this very moment. Thats just what life wants you to do, it challenges you and it wants you to give up, you need to stare at and tell it to fuck off.

 

MIKE - if it seems like everythign is shit. JOIN the ARMY ... and if you dont die and kill a few dozen of insurgents government will support you till the day you die.... if not... only you choose what to do... if you wanna kill yourself then do it... but think about what will you lose... and what will you gain -death not much.... everyday is different if you try to make it different.

 

Hi Mike,


i've considered suicide at least 4 times in my life. i don't think death is a bad thing. it is just death. but suicide might not solve anything if we continue as spirits. it's maybe just like sleep... sleeping won't fix problems, and the same situation exists after you wake up.

Get the book "The Light Beyond" It's a book about people who died and came back to life... and their experience of dying. I would buy and mail the book to you if I knew your address. it really put things in perspective for me.

if you PM me your address, I'll send you the book. and if there is anything that i can help with, let me know. you're not alone.. you've got planty of people here wishing the best for you. we're all a team, one big team in this same game of life being separate is only an illusion

Jon

 

Mike, sweetheart, please. I know things look hopeless to you right now, but you've got to remember you DO have the ability to make changes in your life. You CAN make a better life for yourself. There are people out there with situations far worse than yours, with physical handicaps even more severe that can and do make better lives for themselves.

You don't have to sit back and accept things the way they are. You can take the bull by the horns and steer it in another direction.

Nothing, nothing is worth taking your life over. You've got to beat this thing, say the hell with it and show everybody that you can and will make the most of your life.

{{{Hugs}}} and keep your chin up now and always...

 

You have a choice to make... Living or dying. It sounds to me like you have already given up. I personally believe that adhd is just a catchall term that they came up with for people who are harder to keep focused on the task at hand, and that using it as an excuse is not acceptable. They have made you believe that there is something wrong with you, and that you are defective in some fundamental way. I disagree. You are just a regular teenager, going through all the violent and turbulant times that will make you a stronger adult.

If I was you, and I have been there and done all that you are saying and more, I would chuck all the mind meds out the fuckin window, and give it two weeks, and see how you feel. I did it. I lived through it. The first several days were a flurry of depressed/violent thoughts and actions, and every day after that, I gradually became more stable. I have never let them put me back on the meds.

Life is not always good, and I am not always happy. This is how it is SUPPOSED to be, and is perfectly normal. I was so screwed up in the head when I was on the damn medications I did not know who I was anymore. I couldn't feel anything except pain and sadness, and looked at the world through a black cloud of depression. It lifted when the drugs left my brain.

Now I just smoke weed, and I don't even recommend that for you at that stage of life. You need to take some of the advice above me, and get started finding out who you are going to be. don't let anyone tell you what you are going to be, only you can find yourself. Don't sweat the bad choices you have made, because it is all behind you. Focus on NOT making anymore bad choices, and start moving in the direction you need to be going.

The army would be a great choice, and it would give you the strength, survival skills, and the belief in yourself that you need to navigate this fucked up world. Go talk to a recruiter, and tell them about your hand. maybe they can work with you. By the way, 50 bucks a week is damn cheap Room and Board. You won't find a deal any better than that, and nobody owes you a living.

My parents kicked me out at 17, and I hated them for it. But now I know that I damn well deserved it, and that I wouldn't have it any other way back then. I was an asshole kid, and I didn't deserve any better. Now I respect their position. In short, bro, ya gotta start to grow up, and it is damn hard to do. You got a lot of hard work ahead of you, and a lot of pain. You also got a lot of good times ahead, and it will get better, as soon aas you start making it better. You got to want it.

Please don't think I am lecturing, cuz man I have had it hard my whole life. It didn't get any better till I wanted it bad enough to go out and make it happen. Wishing won't change a damn thing, you have to go out and do it for yourself, cuz nobody ows you anything. Above all, remember that, and be appreciative of the folks letting you live with them, cuz they deserve it.

Peace....

 

Don't know if anyone is reading this thread anymore, since it's a few months old. I just wanted to say I'm feeling just as you are, Pysnake.


I'm 20, with no job, only a couple of friends, no money, no place of my own. No lover. No hope. I've been feeling less and less afraid of death lately, too. Wanting to kill myself, even. I won't do that unless I really feel like I have to, though at times I have wanted to very badly (like last week; I considered it very seriously). It's always an option. I think humans have the right to end their life if they feel like their quality of life is very low.

However, I think there is hope for both of us. We just have to get through this troubling time and try to make life better for us. Youth can be a curse, but we just have to get over it, get more life experience, and all that shit...
Things will get better.