Can someone explain goths(?) to me.

i dought that alot of ppl at my school are gonna end up to be "normal" cuz i know at least a few kids that work for adult gangstas and today i heard them talking about beatin the fuck out of some kid cuz they were blood. thats normaly what ends up being gansta for life. although i guess you could say im in a "phase", i used to dress like a rocker, then a gangsta sorta i guess, now i m in between i guess

 

it could be her need to feel like an individual, but i promise she will outgrow any kind of phase she is going through right now. or it could be her way of coping with the death of her mother.

 

its a phase it will pass. i was a total goth at one point. then many other things. now i dress and do whatever. i have alil goth in my style,, a lil prep. a lil emo, a lil hippy, a lil hobo, a lil prep, a lil girly. everything really its how shes going to find herself. let it happen

 

The most likely situation would be that it's just a phase. When I was 15, I decided that "darkness was the path I was destined to follow" and swore that my wedding was going to be in a Gothic Cathedral and I was going to be painted up like a dark princess...boy, after a couple of years of that, I decided that I did in fact enjoy the color spectrum, lol. I never really thought it would be a phase for me for the most part, but now I can testify, I definitely outgrew it.

This thread reminded me of some drive-thru regulars we have at work. They always come every afternoon for sodas. Anyway, it's a mother and her daughter, her daughter looks to be about 21, and she's beautiful (the daughter, lol). She's into the goth thing (very obviously so) and she pulls it off well. Some people pull the look off well, some just look like Hot Topic models.

 

its a pretty look. i was a romantic goth. very into lacy things and stuff. idk i just lvoe it. its very pretty. i still have alot of that in me. but to take it to where this girl seems to be taking it. err shell outgrow it. but some of it might stick like it did with me. just not completely

 

according to the media goths shoot up schools.

 

She could just think it's cool. And if you like it and you enjoy doing it, sure, why not put some time into it? Fashion can be fun. And the fact that people think it's weird... Well, a lot of times, goths are going for that effect. Some people rebel against their parents, some people rebel against their teachers, but a lot of us rebelled against our peers. That's why for most of high school, I dressed in the frumpiest clothes you can imagine (well, that and I have trouble getting up in the morning, and rarely had time to eat breakfast, let alone put on makeup). It’s the same thing, only she does it in a different and somewhat more interesting way.

Some think it's counterproductive, because there are a lot of goths, as I said, almost as many as there are preps, but it usually still has the desired effect on preppy people and it really does look cool.

 

RUBBISH!!! BILGE!!! TOTAL BOLLOCKS!!

 

i think it would be funny to see a hippie all decked out in tie dye and hemp with an ak47 shooting up the school, maybe a few injured..no deaths.... that would be sad =(

 

you must not read what the media publishes.
I am not anti goth, I find my 13 year old daughter wanting to be a goth cute. If I were slimmer I might still chase the fashion as I did in my youth. I still wear more black than anything else.

 

well first of all GOTHS DO NOT SACRIFICE THINGS AND ALL OF US GOTHS ARE NOT SATAN WORSHIPPERS!!!ok that just annoyed me first of all yes im goth many goths like myself are goths because we suffered a tragedy and/or went through things at a young age that kids shouldnt go through another reason could be we do not want to be like everyone else and being goth isnt a bad thing many goths like myself make good grades and arent prejudice or close minded and are very poetic and sensitive im a guy and i write poetry and im not like all the other guys just trying to get into a girls pants and sitting down to talk about it isnt going to stop it but provoke it because it shows that you dont like it and something you dont like is showing that there different wich is what goths want and forcing them to change wont work just ignore it

 

well, you're missing the point that some other folks made on here: yes, your "freaky" daughter puts a lot of effort into her dress to look freaky, and the results tend to be that people think she's freaky. your girly-girl daughter, on the other hand, probably puts a lot of effort into her style as well. the results of her efforts are probably horny teen boys drooling over her and undressing her with their eyes. just think about that for a second. no, really process it. let it sink in. let that thought just stick in your craw and feel your inner, protective, dad-ness wash over your consciousness like a waterfall. do you feel that? now, if you know your daughters well enough and are involved enough in their lives, i wouldn't worry about either daughter. both sound like great and healthy, smart kids. i'm just trying to make a point on the other side of the coin, here.

my dad was kinda weirded out by my dress as a teen, but we were musing over it recently, and he says when he looks back, he's just glad i didn't attract the wrong - well, biologically it isn't "wrong" - attention from the boys i was around. the 2 blokes i dated while in high school were kinda "alternative" or "counterculture" boys who were normally more affectionate in more innocent ways, were about getting to know me, and weren't all about getting in my pants. i was curious about sex and admittedly got to 2nd base with the guys i dated, but wasn't ready to go the full nine til i turned 18, anyhow.

but if i had been one of those preppy chicks who spent an hour putting on make-up and wore everything that was in style, i might have been attracting the kind of male teens who aren't so nice. i'm not saying this is for everyone in a certain group, but i saw examples of this groupthink in my own high school situation. many girls who were "normal" looking and girly and stereotypically pretty ran with the popular crowd. many of these girls succombed to having sex before they ready. jock guys at my high school were pushy about sex much of the time, and i heard things about girls getting raped at parties and ballgames and all sorts of things.

i went to all-ages rock shows in my town when i was a kid, and it was kinda what the "alternative" sort of teens did. all the shows were in an all-ages club that was monitored by adults, but it was fun because the adults treated the kids there like adults as long as they acted responsible - and we were free to express ourselves and enjoy our friends. when shows weren't going on at the all-ages club, they had after school programs for the kids - art classes, a political discussion forum, a chance to work on sketch comedy for a public cable access show filmed weekly at the place, music lessons, skateboarding lessons, aerobics classes, etc. all types of kids were (and still are) welcomed, but mostly the kids who weren't into sports and weren't into being normal, because frankly normal to these kids means mediocre, flocked to this place. the place is even more awesome now than it was when i went there. do both of your kids have awesome things to do in their free time that make them happy and stimulate their interests?

some other cases in point: who were the kids at my school who were usually busted for underage alcohol consumption? the "normal" looking kids. who were the ones who tried drugs the most? the normal looking ones. who were the ones who got into the most trouble? the normal kids. who were the ones who had the most un-safe sex? i think you see where this is going.

experimenting with clothes and music is far safer in my opinion. it provides a much more positive outlet for these kids than doing drugs, drinking, or having reckless sex. kids who feel too much pressure to fit in with a group and look like everyone else feel they have to rebel in far more dangerous ways. nurture both of your daughter's interests and tell them they are beautiful, no matter what they look or choose to dress like.

i think the reason it bothers most parents when their kids dress extremely is that they have trouble seeing their kids not being the cute little rascals they once were, the ones who let mom and dad pick their clothes for them. i was 11 or 12 when i really started picking my own clothes out, and i wanted to be radically different from things mom would pick for me, which were pretty juvenile looking, "cutesy" clothes. she was still buying me things that had cartoon characters when i was 12, and that's when i was like, "Mom, no way!" clothing was the first external things i really had control over as an individual. since it was visual, it was a very powerful thing to me, because it would make a STATEMENT about who i was to people who saw me.

as an adult, i realize that lumping myself into a specific category based on my dress is silly. i'm me no matter what i'm wearing, and most people grow to realize this. however, i still maintain a mostly earthy attire - i was the extreme of hippie-ness as a teen, but i've mellowed it a lot since. but my style is still very earthy.

i actually have a lot of clothes to wear based on what role i have to play. dinner with the grandparents definitely commands a different outfit than going camping with friends. sitting around at home being comfy commands a different outfit than a job interview...yada yada. as long as you listen to both of your kids and respect them both and encourage them both, their outfits notwithstanding, they should both grow up to be well-adjusted adults.

 

Thanks for that. You make some fair points. I spoke to both of them about boys and after the "God Dad" bit, they promised me to be sensible (which is all I can ask really if I'm honest -I think I've brought them up right).

You sound temparmentally more like my "more different" daughter, she goes to this drop in place after school. I went round there a couple of times to ensure it was ok (my daughter doing the typical dying of embarassment thing in the process). They look like her, but generally safe.

My "more normal" daughter has suddenly got into sport since we got here. Don't get me wrong, she did sport before, but she suddenly got into (the now Varsity) Volleyball, Softball, Soccer and Basketball teams. It amuses the rest of the family because she never used to all that interested in sport.