My testicules are made of gold -

Did thou know that your Father's Heavenly nuts were made of pure gold? When I fart a divine perfume comes out, when I shit - well, when I shit, shit comes out. I'm divine but I have to shit too.

 

God is a woman... shutup... you're just a fraud!

 

If thy God was a women, why would I be called Father? If thy God was a women, Jesus wouldn't have been put on a cross - he'd have been hit to death by purses.

 

if your balls are made out of gold, then myass really makes chocolate and not shit.

 

You then likely are shitting chocolate since MY NUTS ARE MADE OF GOLD. Just to make sure, I recommend you taste your excrements next time you lay.

 

HAHAHAHA! Oh my God, what an awesome thread! ^_^

 

Thank you my child, I'll reserve in the vip section for you when you kick the bucket.

 

.......................................not

 

Thou may have the honor of kissing my excrements later in Heaven - if thou are nice and deserving. Only Mary had the illustrous priviledge of touching my Holy Balls.

 

So, if your nuts are gold, it means that you are a physical being, and vulnerable to attack.

Ralph, C.E.O. of Universe Incorporated and genuine non-physical being, smirks in your general direction.

PRAISE RALPH!

 

I'm not necessarily physical myself even if my nuts are. God's ways are mysterious.

 

So if your balls are made of gold, do they chime like a door bell when they knock together?

 

So your nuts are phyical, and thus vulnerable to attack.

Ralph Ortiz smirks in your general direction, while at the same time formulating a plan to remove your nuts and sell them to a jeweler for a nice wad of cash.

Praise Ralph!

 

Does this "Ralph" ever ask you to drink koolaid?

 

Did Daddy say that his nuts were physical all the time? What makes you think they are vulnerable? They might be surrounded by a shield a-la-Star-Trek. Do you know where my nuts are? Don't try to outsmart your Holy Father.

 

No. Although he does ask me to make offerings to him of tequila or mezcal every now and then.

 

Hey, I'm not trying to outsmart my "holy" stepfather, I'm just letting you know what Ralph is up to. He wants me to tell you because he likes to see you sweat.

 

Are you sure that Ralph isn't a voice in your head? A lot of people say they hear the voice of God or think that they are God when they are simply in bad need of treatment.

 

Does a voice in my head drink the tequila I put out for it? Does a voice in my head wreck it's own shrine when it's pissed off? (usually because I didn't give him tequila) Does a voice in my head wander the house at night and scare the bejeezus out of my friend who was sleeping over?

Ralph works many miracles, but only for those who have looked upon the holy picture of Ralph and offered tequila or mezcal (he also accepts cannabis and tobacco)

PRAISE RALPH!

 

You need to consult a doctor. There is only one God.