Girl with experience

So, this is going to sound like a real stupid concern...and its not really a concern, just...I don't know, something I've thought about. I am 100% in love with my girlfriend. I mean, she has my heart completely. And she has said the same to me as well. And, well, this is the first time that I've ever been with someone who's experienced. I mean, all of my previous girlfriends were very prude, and had strict standards. But now, I'm with someone who is fully experienced, and I guess my "concern" is that it just feels a little...weird for me. I mean, I in no way, shape, or form want to be without her, she is the one I want to be with, its just that I'm not used to this at all. We haven't done much of anything yet, beyond the usual making out, because its a distance thing (2 hours) so we don't exactly get to see each other everyday. I'm going to see her this entire weekend though. I guess it sounds really dumb and childish to say. I mean, I'm 20 years old, its not like I can't handle anything. Its just that, its different for me. ESPECIALLY because I've still never had sex before. So it just feels a little odd for me. And to be honest, she confuses me with her boundries to. Like I really have no idea what I'm allowed to do and whatnot. Her main concern is that the guy she was with, for a long while, before me was a real asshole, and basically just wanted sex a lot, and that was it. And I don't know how to get her out of that mindset, because that is NOT me at all. She "knows" I wouldn't do that, but its still in the back of her mind. She's worried that I would never want to just kiss her anymore if stuff happened. But yet, at the same time, she's now told me that "I have no boundries", so, especially for this weekend, haha, I'm extremely confused. Okay, enough rambling...just seeing if anyone had anything to say to all of this. Thanks

 

umm yea..use a condom

relax & enjoy..but use a condom..lol
dunno what else to say

 

ou... that's so sweet


nothing to worry about,
don't push it just go with it

 

Yea I know, I'm a very naive 20 year old...hahaha. I mean, is this a valid concern, or am I just being really dumb?

 

well just do it with her, no pressure though. but afterwards or in the morning or whatever, kiss her to reassure her that that is not all you wanted.

 

She wants you to go for it, but check along the way that she's sure ("you sure you want me to?/What do you want me to do?").

And she wants you to still have makeout sessions with her that don't lead to sex. That's a big frustration I have, when all kissing beyond a peck must lead to sex, it's something a lot of guys (I said a lot, not all, calm down) seem to pull, especially around our age.

She basically wants you, badly, but is afraid that once you get a taste of sex it's all you'll want, that you'll turn out like that other asshole, even if the chances of that are minute.

 

Well see, this is where I'm unsure....because she actually, sorry I left this out, said "you have no boundries....except for sex..." And I'm pretty sure that she said that, exactly because of that fear of hers, like you said. She is afraid that makeout sessions will ALWAYS turn into sex, and once I get a taste for it, thats all she'll want. So I guess, I'm still unsure on excatly what I'm allowed to do...I mean, I guess my point here is, I'm so in love with her, and I told myself I would "Wait" until it was someone I was truly in love with, and now I am. I don;t know...I'm just confused on exactly what she means.

 

Ah, well.

Hmm.

Take off her shirt and bra, and your shirt, and see how that works out for you guys. Not immediately of course, but in the midst of making out. Toplessness is awesome. And try grinding if ya'll haven't been doing much of that, me and most of my galpals freakin love grinding, it's all sexual without being actual sex.

 

oooo, good advice...haha. Like I said, you'll have to excuse me, I'm REALLY naive. lol I mean, I've done things, but I don't know how to take things with her. Any more advice? haha

 

Listen to the sounds she makes and her breathing when it comes to any sort of stimulation. Don't be afraid to ask her what she likes, or ask her to take your hands and use them on her how she likes being stimulated (I wish guys would do this more often, I feel awkward grabbing their hands being all "no, harder, like -this-, like you're massaging not like your squeezing".... every chick likes different kinds of touch remember.

Don't be afraid to pull her onto your lap (esp to make her straddle you), that can be a fun position if ya'll arent' doing it regularly. Considering moving to a bed to makeout if you can, promise no sex but a bed gives you more roll-around-and-play room than most couches do.

 

shes got more experience & ya dunno what to do..so just resignyourself toit..let her use her experience to just rock your world & blow your mind

 

My advice, when you get to that point, simply say to her, "You tell me when we stop... okay?" I admit when someone says "no boundries except sex", that's a fairly mixed signal. She knows what she meant, you don't. So let her set the boundaries. And if she stops you, say, "Okay... I don't want to push. This means too much to me." And go back to what you were doing before she stopped you. Just remember the golden rule for men... never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.

 

Okay, well, last time I went to her house and stayed the night, the parents trust me enough to let me sleep with her, so we were in her room, on her bed. So yea, we were on the bed, thats been covered, haha. And she's straddled me while making out, so she's done that...and I kind of tried to test the waters, and all I was allowed was I could take off her bra, but she wanted her shirt to remain on. And I was only there one night, so thats all we had that time. And she told me afterwards that she just wanted to kiss me, because she hadn't in a long while, so that was all she wanted to do. She said she was "being good" that time. Yet this time, for this weekend, she's changed this and has now said "no boundries....but sex..", so I'm really confused. lol But yet, she eludes to things by sending me text messages and stuff, eluding to that "it'll be a really good weekend" and then winking and crap. haha, so I dont get it...

 

No boundaries but no sex. That's just most peculiar. Maybe she has a very strict definition of sex beign intercourse only? Maybe she's planning mutual masturbation/handjobs/fingering or something? Damned if I know, but it sounds like she's got a plan in mind so I'd let her take the bull by the horns, if you will

 

Yea, exactly, I don't understand it either...but the way she talks keeps eluding to that she has something up her sleeves about this weekend. I aks her what she means by things, and she always responds with "just wait and see " and I don't get it!! hahahaha grrrrr, women have to be so damn confusing

 

no bounderies ...but ..sex
could possibly mean no boundaries..but sex sex sex...lol
dont try figuring out what she meant, just enjoy whatever happens..lol

 

Yea I know....I'm just nervous, and I get REALLY embarassed if I'm told "no" if I try to do something, so then I try to do all I can to prevent those moments from happening...haha

 

I know where you're coming from...just let her take control this weekend, until you know what she has in mind, and after that, maybe you'll have a better idea what she wants out of it. I wouls normally say to talk to her about it, but in this case, maybe a little mystery might add to the excitement.

 

Okay...so we talked again last night, and I keep hearing the same type of thing. She's worried that if we start doing things, we're going to completely skip over the "little stuff", like kissing or just plain being dorky and having fun. She seesm to believe (most likely because of her ex) that as soon as we start being real physical, then thats all I'm ever going to want to do anything. Which is not at all true. I want to be physical because thats the kind of person I am, and I love her so much, that I want to show her that. I just wish that there was a way I could ease her worry somehow...I mean, she's my girlfriend, and I really don't want to not be allowed to do anything with her...

 

It sounds like you are way too focused on the physical acts themselves, don't worry about that so much, things will happen at their own pace. You can reassure her that you are interested in more than just sex, but there's no rush. It's going to happen eventually. Don't fret about doing anything wrong, just go with the flow, if you guys communicate (which doesn't just mean talking) it will be fine. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, and above all, relax. If she cares about you there's nothing to be embarrassed about.