So, I'm a bad mom....

Apparently, you're a bad mother if you let your baby sleep with you and your kids are nothing but a burden when they get past the age of one month.

Everyone I've come across asks me "Is she a good sleeper?" to which I reply "She sleeps with me and she's warm and safe, so yes." to which they reply "That's a bad thing to have started....now she'll sleep with you until she's 20."
Then, when asked if I'm happy being a mom, which is usually the second question I'm asked....I say yes to which the other people say "That'll change after the first month....after that, the kids aren't any fun and you'll want to get rid of them." WHAT!? I was unaware that ANY kid is THAT big of a burden you'll want to toss them in the garbage disposal and be free. Some people just really try to bring me down.
I also get rude comments because Alexis LOVES to be held. I just don't see how it's fair to constantly leave a baby by itself in a swing or bouncy seat or what-have-you. I just love to hold my baby and that's a problem for everyone....

 

Good girl. You just keep doing what you know is right.

I think we've all got those comments before. And they make you feel bad sometimes, if just briefly. But as long as you keep doing what you know is the right thing, we'll see if Alexis is still sleeping with you at 20, or if she's well-rounded, independent, and assertive.

Welcome to the rat race momma! *hugs*

 

Oh don't worry. I am a bad mom for those reasons too. Manny is going to be sleeping with us until he goes to university, and he is spoiled rotten because he likes to be held. Also, I am crazy for using cloth diapers, and people are amazed that I can "deal with the hassle" of breastfeeding. I have also been told that the sling I carry him in looks "unsafe"... lol.

Don't worry.. we can go to "bad mommy hell" together. I am sure it will be relatively empty... just us hippie-inclined freaks and AP losers. hahaha!

 

Oh yeah...

Apparently, I'll learn my lesson when Moire won't eat anything but peanut butter on white bread, fruit-flavoured gummies, and snack cakes, drinks nothing but capri sun, and watching cartoons or plays video games from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed.

Because apparently, I'm crazy to think I can feed her organic whole foods, expose her to GOOD movies, music, and tv, keep her away from most commercialism in my home, and maybe raise her to be hippie-ish....hmm...

 

I'd slap my baby's momma if she wouldn't breastfeed

anyways
I think that there is nothing worng with letting your kid sleep with you, and holding your kid

I used to sleep with my mom sometimes when I was in elementary
and I used to always ask her for hugs and shit (still do someitmes )

and I probably have the best relationship with her out of all of my friends and their mothers and stuff

so yeah, jsut keep doing what you're doing, fuck them assholes

 

Oh, don't you know? We're all HORRIBLE mothers.

I've got too many kids and I expect too much from them cause they have to do their homework right after the get home from school. Not to mention that I let them play outside....THAT is not safe

To such judgemental perfect parents, I say let's compare kids in about 20 years....then we can talk about who sucks as a momma

 

People who make those comments about attachment parenting are just jealous because they realize maybe they are not doing things in a more loving way.

 

Hey now... You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do, i.e. what feels right to YOU. She's your baby, and NO ONE knows better than you what she needs or how you feel about her.
Don't let them tell you a bunch of crap. My son, who is now 2, slept with me until he was about 14 months old, and then he went very happily to his own bed. I would have let him go longer, but he didn't really want to. Same with breast feeding. He was breastfed for about 11 months, and then just lost interest. And he was a cuddly baby too... Always in my arms, or the arms of an auntie, until one day he just wanted to do his own thing.
In my opinion you should get all the snuggling and closeness while you can, because one day she is gonna decide that she wants to try some things on her own. One month? Craziness. They are fabulous up until they are two, and then you love em' too much to wanna trade em in for a littler one. *wink-haha* You deserve to "spoil" her just as much as she deserves the "spoiling"... You did/are doing all the hard work right? Point is, you only have a limited time to hold her/sleep with her/cuddle her and it's best you take advantage. She wants it now. She won't always. One day she is gonna think she's a big girl, and those cuddles will be fewer and further between.
Good luck with all the ding bats that are trying to tell you wrong. Like Lola said, they probably just feel bad they didn't treat their babies as well as you treat your's.

 

the only person you have to answer to is yourself. You know you are doing what's best for your baby, that's all that counts. It took me a while to figure it out, but I had to consciously make the effort to not discuss these things with people who disagree. It wasn't open for debate. People like my mom and MIL, who did things completely different with their kids, felt like I was personally attacking them because I disagree with how they did things. So it's best to not even talk about it. Suddenly run out of the room, change the subject, avoid the answer, drop the phone, hang up on them, do whatever it takes to not enter into that trap.

 

you are not a bad mom! I feel that it is true though if you let your child sleep with you, they will not sleep in thier own bed. but my son does sleep with me when he is sick. in the beginning Benjamin did not sleep, didnt want anthing to do with laying down, so the first month he slept in the car seat in our bedroom. waking up 4 times a night for the first year. anyway that is a different story.. and my wife had sevre postpartum depression, which was really really scary, til this day I am still not over it. just do what you think is right, you know what is best for her, and you will be just fine. oh and BTW congratulations on the little one

 

I know just how you feel, and my baby isn't even here yet. The girls at work (only one of whom's actually had a baby and she's the only one who keeps her mouth shut) keeps on wanting to tell me what it will be like to breastfeed, how breastfeeding in public is disgusting, how breastfeeding beyond six months is too much and a little creepy, how I shouldn't let it sleep in my room, how I can feed it cereal to supplement the breast milk when it's at least 2 months so it wont want to breastfeed as much (that's what one of their great-grandma's tells them anyways, like she's modern kowledge on the subject), blah, blah, blah.

I'd be a bit more willing to listen to them on the subject if they had any children themselves, but they don't. Well, one is a new step-mom of teenagers so she thinks she knows now what caring for infants is like too. She was angry when her friend came over with a newborn and breastfeed in the house with her teenage-girls there (like it is a bad thing for those gils to find out what breasts are really for).

 

Been there too! I am a monster for not spanking, for breastfeeding my son till he was 3, for letting him sleep in our bed till he was weaned,on and on. gotta do what your heart tells you and not listen to the redneck up the street or whoever it is.

 

It's not helping that you're 19 and not 30. I'm 20, and I know a few mothers who are our age who get crap by people who think that because mother is somewhat young, they're irresponsible and foolish. It sucks, and it's really none of their business. Just remember that what your kid thinks is more important than what everyone else thinks.

 

Ugh, everyone has their stupid opinions, huh? I will say again that as moms we all do what is best for our kids, each one being individual. As for sleeping in your bed and problems. My son slept in his crib for 2-1/2 years (my choice because my hubby is a VERY deep sleeper that has often rolled on me at night, plus smokes in our room). But since then, he has been in our bed just about every night! I slept with my parents until I was 8, and we are all just fine!! My mom says that we all did that and one day just go to our own rooms when we are ready.

I used to get tons of shit because I rocked my son every night. He's 3-1/2 now, and he still will grab his blanket sometimes and ask to be rocked...AND I LOVE IT!! And I plan on rocking my new baby as well. It doesn't last forever, so enjoy holding and sleeping with your baby as long as you can!! And ignore these obviously miserable people!

 

Welcome to the stupid mother crowd. Oy.
I always hear from older people around me, "that's what we all thought, and sooner or later, you'll learn your lesson." ARGH!
After a while, I have just learned to not talk about it. But then there's times when I just can't help it, and I'll either get an understanding look that I've made a good point, but most of the time it's someone shaking their head at my "stupidity."
I was talking to this one girl at school the other day and we were talking about our kids (her daughter is about the same age as Leane). When I told her that I had Leane naturally, she was like, "oh man, you should have had a c-section, they're so much nicer. I was able to do everything again in 3 days with no pain"..........uh huh. I can't believe how people are forever pushing against what it natural.

 

Haha. I get the breastfeeding comments too....how it's disgusting to do it in public and I should go to a restroom to do it....because that's so sanitary and healthy for my baby.
Preston is a real heavy sleeper....so when he stays with me I put Alexis on the outside of the bed and usually stay awake and make sure she doesn't roll off (even thought we give her half the bed for safety.) and I don't allow him to smoke in my room....because I don't like the smell and I don't want Alexis' stuff to smell smokey.
I guess I could stop talking about it with people....but, then again....I'll still get comments no matter what. I just need to stop listening and getting so sensitive about it.
I know I'm a great mom no matter what they say.

 

you know, people stopped with the breastfeeding comments by the time my oldest was nine months. I never got any comments at all, except from MIL when I announced I was pregnant with little sister. She said "so I guess that's (referring to breastfeeding, she can't every call it what it is, it's always "that" said in a disgusted tone) all gonna have to stop now that you are pregnant?" And DH spoke up and told her NO, that there was no reason in the world why I couldn't nurse during pregnancy, or even nurse both children after the baby is born, as long as it was still mutually acceptable to both me and the child.

you ought not let him smoke inside the house at all. Even the smoke particles clinging to his hair and clothing possibly have an impact on baby's health.

 

Moon, you are just going through what GOOD moms go through. "Bad" moms rarely doubt their decisions, I have found, while moms who care tend to brood about a lot of what they do (Funny, as the word "brood" originally meant to take care of one's eggs and chicks in the begining of their lives.) tend to do more introspection, and correct the stuff that isn't working, while those who just do status quo parenting (my mom did it this way and I'm "fine" ) tend to not think about what they are doing much at all. Doubt, in thier case, or any introspection or research, might lead to some scary ideations for them. (When I am counseling a mom, and she isn't thinking aobut her parenting, and has no references, besides "this is what my mom did and I'm fine" I get really really worried, and with good reason.) Thinking about your parenting choices is a good thing. Then realizing that your choices are most likely good ones for you and your baby is even better, later.

The fact that you are worried, but NOT changing what you know to be right is an indication you are doing a GREAT job.

You aren't going to change the people who have issues about your sleeping with your baby, or who, for whatever reason, are "offended" by your feeding your child in the manner you feel is best. You do your thing, do what is best for your baby to the best of your ability. That's good mothering.

Have the doubts, KNOW what you are doing is best (despite the fact that many who feel maybe less than proud about the way they raised their kids will try to get you to abandon your beleifs) and care for your baby. I always felt that my breastfeeding in public wasn't "offensive" and that I would rather "offend" some fuddy duddy ill person who had an issue with it than OFFEND my baby by not feeding them when they needed it.

It got to to point that unless someone asked me, I didn't offer information about where my kids slept. I wouldn't keep it a secret, but I knew I wasn't going to change the minds of those who 1) were not having any more kids, so it didn't matter or 2) didn't really have any interest in me or my children, but just wanted to have something nasty to say about my "attachment" to my children and how "it won't end well." Thing is, I've been doing this attachement thing for 20 years (druminmama nearly as long, too) and I SEE the results. Are my kids perfect? Hell, no. That isn't to be expected, but none of the things the doomsayers came true either. I do NOT have 15 year olds (much less college students) either sleeping with me in my bed, or still breastfeeding. Proved them wrong. LOL! (People did actually tell me "If you don't wean them, they will nurse forever." This coming from someone who NEVER even tried. I mean, really FOREVER. Like, when I'm 84 and Sunshine is 60, we'll still be breastfeeding? One of the hardest things to do as a new mama is to know when to just smile nod and say, "Thanks, but I don't think that will work for us. I know my baby well." And then do what you know to be right.

Wise wise wise words. And as true as can be.