My boyfriends parents just found out that I'm pregnant. (4 months later.... yes I know...) and they are very very religious, are both in the military, and are pretty scary people. especially because I don't really know them that well. I have to go sit down and talk to them this afternoon and I know they are going to try to rip me apart. I am so shy and I hardly ever know what to say on the spot. So I'm a little worried about what theyre going to throw at me. They seem to think that I havent made up my mind yet, they keep suggesting to my boy that we see an adoption lawyer. But I have made up my mind, and we are going to raise this baby. We are really happy about it actually. I just need to know the right things to say to them so that they can understand and respect our decision. any help please???
I appreciate your values. I know we are young. But we made this baby and we are going to raise it. I know it will be a struggle. But this is what we feel is the right thing to do. If your son does not wish to follow through on this commitment, that's his decision. I do not want to let a stranger raise my child. I will make it with or without your son. Just be honest about how you feel. I wish you well with your baby and your future. Let us know how it went. Bright Blessings, Kathi
You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk together about the way you're going to handle it. They are his parents, and you can't do it alone.
Yeah, you and your guy need to be on the same page. Talk about it together and make sure that you are both 100% together on raising this baby together. If not, you're going to be in for a really one sided argument and are going to feel ganged up on, by the sounds of his parents. If your bf is not 100% with you, make sure that you stress that this is also your baby, and it's your decision to keep it. If they have no interst in taking part, then so be it. But tell them that you're not about to let a stranger raise your child because that's what they think you should do. Good luck, and let us know what happens.
we are both 100% on the same page. We have been talking about our options since the day I found out I was pregnant, and we know that we can and want to raise this baby. We hate the idea of a stranger raising our child. Plus we both have full time jobs, I'm still going to school, we have an apartment, and my family is very much behind us. We know it's going to be hard, but it means so much to us. It's just an issue with his parents because they just found out so naturally they are a bit shocked, and they act like they can step in now and tell us what to do. What we want is not the question, I just didnt know really what to say to them since I hadnt talked to them about it before and I knew they were going to be pretty upset. turns out they did do a pretty good job of making me feel like shit, and we didn't even get to do much of the talking, but it could've been much worse. They want us to see a catholic counselor, which annoys me a bit because I am not catholic. I don't really think that's fair, but it just doesnt matter to me that much. I would go if it made them happy, but I am not changing my mind. They also think that if we keep the baby we should get married, but we've already decided that we do not want to get married right now just because of the baby. When we do decide to get married we want it to be because we are in love and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We don't want it to be a negative thing, which it would be if we threw a wedding together right now. you know what I mean? I guess it's just going to take them some time to get used to the idea, and we're just going to have to get used to dealing with them.
I'm sorry they succeeded in making you feel like a huge pile of crap. But, remember....if you and your boy are happy with the decision you're making....that's all that matters. You sound like you both have your heads on right and know what you're doing. I'm sure you'll both be fine. Raising a baby is tough....and EVERYONE that ISN'T a parent is going to try to bring you down. EVERYONE that IS a parent is going to try to bring you down. Don't listen to them. Choosing to keep your baby is a great decision....babies are the most wonderful thing in the world. If you and your boy WANT to see the Catholic counselor, do it. If you don't want to....don't do it. You're both adults (assuming your boyfriend is over the age of 18) and you can make your own decisions. My cousin (who is Catholic and was only 17) got pregnant and went to a counseling session with her priest....he made her cry....suggested everything BUT keeping and raising her baby. 3 years later....her baby boy is her world and she loves him dearly. And, getting married over a baby....it works for some people. But, in ALL of the cases I've seen....it doesn't. Make your own choices. If you get married one day, great. If you don't, great. Marriage is just a word if you aren't in it because you want to be. $50.00 to get in, $500.00 to get out. As long as you can provide for your baby, marriage isn't neccessary. Love and luck. You can always PM me if you want to vent or just talk to another young mama.
it sounds like you really know what you want and are not going to let anything get in the way of that don't back down, but I don't think that's going to be a problem My hubby and I were told to get married as well. We did, and it really caused a rift between us. We do love eachother, but we were not ready to get married. You are making the right choice in that matter if you feel that you are not ready for marriage. As for the counselor, I would go if it doesn't really bother you and you know that you would not change your mind. I guess that it would kinda prove to them that you really are true to your word. Since the did just find out, you're probably right that they're just in shock for the most part. I would just give it some time *hugs*
Considering you aren't Catholic, don't hold those values, or think that way, going to a Catholic counselor won't appease your bf's parents. It will only succeed in pissing you off, and causing an even bigger rift between you. Just make it known that if they aren't going to try and be positive for you two, then they don't have to come around. But attitude is everything, and stressing a pregnant woman out only makes her sick and worried, and causes problems. I'm another young momma. My MIL wanted us to get married when she found out about the baby, but like you, we wanted to get married for love, not a child. So we got married 3 months after she was born. Even through sleep deprivation, financial struggles, job woes, and colic, we *knew* we loved each other enough to make this work. Do what feels right, and avoid the negative people. They aren't good for you or the baby right now, if ever.
thanks everyone I guess it is just going to take some time. It's just so awkward going over to his house now, or like running into them in the store or something. I mean I'm carrying their grandchild, and I really feel like they'll come around eventually, they're just really making this so stressfull right now. and I definitely don't need any more stress. I think once we get our feet on the ground a bit more, and they see that we really are going to do this they will be ok. I'm hoping anyway. As for the marriage, I definitely don't see myself changing my mind about that. I know it's not what I want right now. It's not what he wants either. I mean, he would do it if I wanted too, but we both agree that now is not the time. I really think someday we will, just not now. That's just so hard for his parents to understand. My parents on the other hand completely agree with us, and they would be a little upset if we did get married right now. which reminds me, soon enough both of our families are going to have to get together, and that probably won't go over too well either.
Congratulations kMarie! Don't let anyone, family or otherwise, make decisions for you. You have a whole life ahead of you to live with the choices you make. Do your families have to meet? My parents and my in-laws haven't met yet and the hubby and I have been together for 5 years!
If they were such good Catholics, they'd be the first people to support you keeping the baby. Catholicism teaches that you should do whatever you can to keep a child with his\her family, and that's what you're doing.
hmm... I just see them pushing a meeting with my parents really soon, even if that's not what I want, and it's not like my parents would say no. I just know it would cause alot of drama. And I don't know alot about Catholic beliefs, but I do know that thier opinion is that we should give the baby up for adoption, or keep it and get married. Which is not what we're doing. I know they can't force anything on us though, but it still stresses me out. I really don't feel like the time is right for our families to meet. And I am getting so sick of saying things like "keeping the baby" or "giving up the baby". It makes me feel like were talking about a puppy or something. I'm starting to get really annoyed because there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that raising our child is the right thing to do. Why can't poeple just accept that? His parents mentioned something about how giving the baby up for adoption would be the completely selfless thing to do. They made me feel like such a horrible person. I just can't wait for this all to settle down. I'm losing my mind.
