My husband cheated on me.

I found out last night that my husband had sex with another woman two weeks ago. She IMed me, thinking I was him. He says it’s the only time it’s happened, but while his name was logged on, someone else IMed me, asking if they could get together the first weekend in November. I believe him that he's only cheated once, but I think it would have happened again if I hadn't found out. I’m so in shock right now. I never thought he would do this. He didn’t seem the type. Especially since if he had asked me, I would’ve been cool with it. It’s not the sex that bothers me, it’s the lying. He had ample opportunities to tell me, but he didn’t.

We were up till almost 3 talking. Turns out he’s been looking into apartments and roommates. He’s been planning this for a while. I thought things were getting better between us, but apparently it’s not enough. As soon as he can afford an apartment, he’s moving out. We’re going to try separating for six months or so and see where we want to go from there.

I wrote a poem to help me sort out my feelings.

Betrayal

I never thought you'd do this,
Betray me, deny me,
Rip my heart out of my chest.
Me, the mother of your child.
Your wife.
The woman who has stood by you,
Loved you,
Supported you,
Cared for you,
And this is how you repay me.
By fucking a stranger.
Some chick you don't even know.
What have I done to deserve this heartbreak?
I cared for you.
Every move I made was for your benefit
And the benefit of your son.
Our son.

I deserve better than this.
I deserve someone who will respect me,
Who will love me,
Who will never lie to me.
I don't deserve to be lied to.
I don't deserve to have my feelings disregarded
To suit your convenience.

So go on.
Leave if you want to.
Crash and burn.
You don't even know how to take care of yourself.
You've always had someone to hold your hand
And walk you along step by step,
Doing it for you when it got too hard.
And you really think you can do it on your own?
Yeah right.

So go on, leave.
I'm just fine without you.
I've got Taylor.
He's all I need.
I haven't had you in a year anyway.
You're just some mooch that hangs around and complains.
I'm better off without you.
Fuck you, Robert.

 

yikes.. i don't know what to say but i hope everything gets resolved and you guys can move on peacefully, since you have a child and all especially, with or without each other.

 

I'm so sorry.

 

From how you expressed yourself, I don't think you need that kind of person dragging you down. You're lucky that you realize what kind of man your husband is and how important your child is to you. Best of luck and I hope your husband realizes what an ass he's been.

 

oh he'll wake up and regret what he has done. then he'll be begging for your return. don't give in because once a liar, always a liar. my x b/f of almost 4 years cheated on me for 6 months. i kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back. he begged for me back, but i never gave in. he is now a depressed alcoholic. stay strong mama! i wish you the best of luck!

 

If that had happened to me, the bastard wouldn't have jewels anymore.

 

I concur.

 

I'm sorry. You suspected this a few months ago, didn't you? I am sorry it turned out to be true.

He doesn't deserve you.

 

It's definitely not you honey, it's him.

 

oh my dear this is the worst thing that could happen in a marriage or any relationship. i think what you are doing is for the best. seperate and see what happens if you two cannot resolve your issues then youknow that this is for the best. it's hard to try and get over someone especially the father of your child and the man you have been married to for (im guessing ) a couple years. be strong and once in awhile break down and cry cuz crying is good for you it helps releive your tension and hatred and helps clear your mind. if you ever need to talk to anyone im me or email me i will respond back asap.

much luv
FF

 

Now I'm pissed. I deleted all of his crap off the computer because he's not taking it with him and it was all just a bunch of manga anyway. But I saved his school stuff and his resume. He deleted everything I had after I went to bed last night, including my school stuff (which was in a completely separate place!) and all my midwifery stuff. He did it just to get back at me for deleting his mangas. He deleted all my poetry, my fanfictions that I'm still working on, my midwifery research, everything. He downloaded an uneraser program. He'd better figure out how to unerase my stuff!

 

Whoa, what a jerk...

Get rid of him, he's totally bad for you.

 

If he did that then perhaps it would be best if he left right away rather than waiting.

I am sorry to read of what happened but perhaps a clean break at this point would be best.

 

He sounds like a really angry, immature boy. You and the baby need to get away from him. I know, I always forget to back up my stuff, too. But, things like your midwife study stuff could be put on a disk, because other things could happen to it.

Have him use the unerase program (chances are good it is still on the computer) or if you don't trust him, grab the tower of the computer, take it to The Geek Squad or someone like that, and have them retrieive your stuff. I wouldn't trust your husband to do it.

I have to politely disagree, that this isn't "the worst thing that could happen." Staying with someone, when you know it will never be good, and may be really bad for you and your child, is worse. He did this for a reason, not to get laid, but to send a message. IMO, these "lapses" are not fixable. Not in a relationship that was already in trouble. Grab the baby, the computer, some clothes, call a lawyer and get out. You can make sure the lawyer hits him with an Order that he is to NOT disturb your belongings in the meantime. If he disregards this, the judge will have one more reason to be on your side.

It's time to stand up for your baby and yourself. Forget "saving" the relationship. It appears there wasn't much to save. You and the child will be better off alone.

Hugs. Be strong. You will be OK.

 

I'm sorry that you are having problems with your marriage. Your husband sounds like he is bringing you down. Get away from him! And it's true, once a liar, always a liar.

Peace and love

 

How stupid. Cut the dick off of your childs dad. Right. Now from a guys perspective, If he had been looking for an apartment and a roommate, he has been planning this for quite a while. It isn't something that just happened. True, he shouldn't have cheated until he was seperated. At least you are talking. And I agree with Maggie Sugar...with a kid involved, it's best to just part ways now with that much anger. When kids are involved, it can be bad. Way to go Maggie Sugar. You had the best advise here.


Quote:
Originally Posted by fountains of nay
If that had happened to me, the bastard wouldn't have jewels anymore.


I concur.
DancerAnnie
__________________

 

I found my stuff. He just moved it to the hard drive to make me think he deleted it. I'm going to burn all the really important stuff to a CD and hide the folders under a different name somewhere. It's still irritating, but a relief to know he didn't delete it.

 

Thanks, itsme. But, I don't condone violence on this, or any other situation. I UNDERSTAND the anger, absolutely, but hurting him will only end up hurting Minka, her child and the entire family.

The man still should be allowed to see his child. Cheating is nasty. But, he's still a father. There are ways to settle this. Not violently, but legally.

I know, people get worked up, when they see someone hurt. I understand.

Good wishes for Minka and her baby.

 

I'm glad you found your stuff, NOW BACK IT UP onto a CDROM.

 

How stupid you take things like that literally on the internet

The guy was a total idiot for doing what he did...that's for sure...but you need not take things so seriously on the internet when someone says something like that