My husband cheated on me.

I didn't take it seriously...The lady was looking for some real advise, and it took several response for someone like Maggie Sugar to give her some. I would have thought someone would have given something other than the responses given.

 

We know. People get angry. A little OT, but not really: I was cursing a policitian I won't name, just this morning, and had to turn off CNN, because I was afraid it wasn't good for my mind or my body to be that angry and be thinking some of the things I was thinking about this person. FEELING angry is OK. I don't think anyone really meant Minka should cause physical harm to her husband. I think she's smarter than that.

 

Yes, but I still enjoy fantasizing about it!

 

You are really hurting right now. It's OK to be angry.

Blessings, sister. Heal well. Take time to greive. Love your baby.

Blessings to you and yours.

 

I didn't think so either. I just thought there could have been better answers given to help her out. Sorry If I offended you Dancer Annie.

 

Luckily, I'm not someone that takes things seriously on the internet...I could care less what you think about me...

 

I'll bite my tongue and toss you to the wind.

That ends that.

 

minkajane, I hope it all works out for you. Take care of yourself and that baby.

 

Ugh.

This is soooo reminiscent of my cheating husband. I'm just glad you didn't have to endure some of the comments on here that I did when I found out...like "He can't help it if he falls in love! and who it's with! Get over it!"...written by some very young and stupid girls that I haven't seen around here as of late.

As for the computer...want to really screw with him? Save all your stuff onto a backup disk(and hide it) then have the computer set back to factory settings. Do it everytime he rebuilds his stuff. It's petty but irritating.


Also....make sure you save ANYTHING that is proof of his affair and give it to your lawyer.

 

I didn't think to print out the conversation and now he's changed his password so I can't contact the girl anymore. He won't contest anything, though, if we do end up divorcing (which looks pretty likely). He'll give me anything I want. I'm getting full custody of the kid, one of the two cars, the computer, both TVs, etc. He gets his car, a couch, two recliners, and his video games.

BTW, I burned all the important stuff to a DVD. The other stuff is nice to have, but no biggie if it's lost.

 

Kick him out. Call his mother and his best friend and tell them both that he's not welcome at home any longer.

 

Don't assume he'll give you what you want....Trust me, divorce lawyers are blood thirsty, and can turn heads like none other. Once he gets one, he'll be wanting everything. Wanting to leave you with nothing, not even the kid.

If there is ANY way to get evidence of his cheating and stuff, DO IT. You NEED to start the ball rolling. Because once you pass, and it's in his court, HE'S more likely to profit from a divorce!

 

I don't have any proof of adultery - just the girl's first name. I really don't think he'll fight me. I'm going to give him one of our cars, all the extra furniture, and all his video games. For the rest, he's on his own and he knows it. I've heard you can get "do your own divorce" kits with all the forms and stuff and you can just file them if the divorce is uncontested. Has anybody heard of this?

 

I think you should just kick him out, I have a friend that has been recently cheated on she wrote "FUCK YOU" really big on a piece of paper and handed it to him and said, "consider this your eviction notice" pretty smooth.


feel better!

 

Sheesh. I think you CAN help who you fall in love with. or at least what you DO about it.

Love does not rule ALL, when it comes to commitment. How many of us have been tempted while in a dedicated relationship? I'd say most. But, most mature people, if they value the relationship do NOT act on it, and do what they can to avoid the temptation. Otter, I don't know who those girls were, but they, as you know, were SOOOOOOOO wrong.

Minka, I would not mess with his stuff. Either his belongings or his computer files. It could play against you poorly in court. Be the BETTER PERSON. Not only will you be the better person, but it will go better for you when you do have to go to court. DON'T destroy any of his stuff, not even his computer stuff, because it is protected in most states. Just a warning. I know you are a smart lady. Again the temptation is there, but you know what is best.

 

Minka, chances are you can't get an "uncontested divorce" with belongings and a child. Visitation, Child Support. ect has to be set up. Uncontested divorces are for DINKS, (Double Income, No Kids) who both have plenty of money and property and usually have Prenups. Claiming adultery is not possible on a Uncontested Divorce. Honey, you are going to need a lawyer.

 

Listen to them and get a lawyer now. If everything goes uncontested then fine but why not cover yourself. A lawyer can provide a lot of advice about what you need to document, etc. Oh and as someone who has had a spouse cheat on them, I feel for you. Just don't leave it up to chance get the paperwork and sign in front of a notery. That way when he does change his mind on what he wants it will be too late. Strike now while guilt is still consuming him, trust me.

 

do a search on your computer for logs. Usually instant messaging apps have log files and save conversations.

 

Absolutely, I couldn't agree more with you!

 

As for the uncontested divorce -- I have known one woman who got an uncontested divorce with a child. If I remember correctly, I think the custody and whatnot was taken care of in a separate hearing. But the official divorce and division of property was easily taken care of since they agreed to the terms on their own. But, for all I know, that varies by state.

However, consulting a lawyer for advice is not a bad idea. Even if you are able to do the uncontested divorce, the lawyer can advise you on the forms you need and whatnot... And s/he's there if your lowlife soon-to-be-ex decides to mess with you some other way.

And, the more I think about it, if he's vindictive enough to mess with your files in retaliation for you erasing his manga, I wouldn't be so surprised if he surprised you with how nasty he can get in a divorce...

Finally, as to the logs -- I think that would be worth bringing your computer into a computer repair place to have them recover them. Hopefully you won't need it, but I always prefer to be safe rather than sorry. I'd suggest calling around to some local repair places -- I'll admit I'm biased against Best Buy (my fiance is a computer geek, which is where I get that), but I would be afraid that something like their Geek Squad would be less adept at less common problems like that, though you may get lucky and find a true geek working there until s/he finds something better!