My husband cheated on me.

Discussion in 'Women's Forum' started by minkajane, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. itsme6526

    itsme6526 Member

    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't take it seriously...The lady was looking for some real advise, and it took several response for someone like Maggie Sugar to give her some. I would have thought someone would have given something other than the responses given.
     
  2. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,001
    Likes Received:
    11
    We know. People get angry. A little OT, but not really: I was cursing a policitian I won't name, just this morning, and had to turn off CNN, because I was afraid it wasn't good for my mind or my body to be that angry and be thinking some of the things I was thinking about this person. FEELING angry is OK. I don't think anyone really meant Minka should cause physical harm to her husband. I think she's smarter than that. :)
     
  3. minkajane

    minkajane Member

    Messages:
    521
    Likes Received:
    23
    Yes, but I still enjoy fantasizing about it!
     
  4. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,001
    Likes Received:
    11
    :)

    You are really hurting right now. It's OK to be angry.

    Blessings, sister. Heal well. Take time to greive. Love your baby.

    Blessings to you and yours.
     
  5. itsme6526

    itsme6526 Member

    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't think so either. I just thought there could have been better answers given to help her out. Sorry If I offended you Dancer Annie.



     
  6. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Messages:
    9,183
    Likes Received:
    28
    Luckily, I'm not someone that takes things seriously on the internet...I could care less what you think about me...
     
  7. itsme6526

    itsme6526 Member

    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'll bite my tongue and toss you to the wind.

    That ends that.

     
  8. itsme6526

    itsme6526 Member

    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    minkajane, I hope it all works out for you. Take care of yourself and that baby.
     
  9. cynical_otter

    cynical_otter Bleh!

    Messages:
    1,278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ugh.

    This is soooo reminiscent of my cheating husband. I'm just glad you didn't have to endure some of the comments on here that I did when I found out...like "He can't help it if he falls in love! and who it's with! Get over it!"...written by some very young and stupid girls that I haven't seen around here as of late.

    As for the computer...want to really screw with him? Save all your stuff onto a backup disk(and hide it) then have the computer set back to factory settings. :p Do it everytime he rebuilds his stuff. It's petty but irritating.


    Also....make sure you save ANYTHING that is proof of his affair and give it to your lawyer.
     
  10. minkajane

    minkajane Member

    Messages:
    521
    Likes Received:
    23
    I didn't think to print out the conversation and now he's changed his password so I can't contact the girl anymore. He won't contest anything, though, if we do end up divorcing (which looks pretty likely). He'll give me anything I want. I'm getting full custody of the kid, one of the two cars, the computer, both TVs, etc. He gets his car, a couch, two recliners, and his video games.

    BTW, I burned all the important stuff to a DVD. The other stuff is nice to have, but no biggie if it's lost.
     
  11. Aristartle

    Aristartle Snow Falling on Cedars Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    13,828
    Likes Received:
    14
    Kick him out. Call his mother and his best friend and tell them both that he's not welcome at home any longer.
     
  12. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

    Messages:
    1,019
    Likes Received:
    5
    Don't assume he'll give you what you want....Trust me, divorce lawyers are blood thirsty, and can turn heads like none other. Once he gets one, he'll be wanting everything. Wanting to leave you with nothing, not even the kid.

    If there is ANY way to get evidence of his cheating and stuff, DO IT. You NEED to start the ball rolling. Because once you pass, and it's in his court, HE'S more likely to profit from a divorce!
     
  13. minkajane

    minkajane Member

    Messages:
    521
    Likes Received:
    23
    I don't have any proof of adultery - just the girl's first name. I really don't think he'll fight me. I'm going to give him one of our cars, all the extra furniture, and all his video games. For the rest, he's on his own and he knows it. I've heard you can get "do your own divorce" kits with all the forms and stuff and you can just file them if the divorce is uncontested. Has anybody heard of this?
     
  14. benotfree

    benotfree Member

    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    1
    I think you should just kick him out, I have a friend that has been recently cheated on she wrote "FUCK YOU" really big on a piece of paper and handed it to him and said, "consider this your eviction notice" pretty smooth.


    feel better!
     
  15. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,001
    Likes Received:
    11
    Sheesh. I think you CAN help who you fall in love with. or at least what you DO about it.

    Love does not rule ALL, when it comes to commitment. How many of us have been tempted while in a dedicated relationship? I'd say most. But, most mature people, if they value the relationship do NOT act on it, and do what they can to avoid the temptation. Otter, I don't know who those girls were, but they, as you know, were SOOOOOOOO wrong.

    Minka, I would not mess with his stuff. Either his belongings or his computer files. It could play against you poorly in court. Be the BETTER PERSON. Not only will you be the better person, but it will go better for you when you do have to go to court. DON'T destroy any of his stuff, not even his computer stuff, because it is protected in most states. Just a warning. I know you are a smart lady. Again the temptation is there, but you know what is best. :)
     
  16. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,001
    Likes Received:
    11
    Minka, chances are you can't get an "uncontested divorce" with belongings and a child. Visitation, Child Support. ect has to be set up. Uncontested divorces are for DINKS, (Double Income, No Kids) who both have plenty of money and property and usually have Prenups. Claiming adultery is not possible on a Uncontested Divorce. Honey, you are going to need a lawyer.
     
  17. Haid

    Haid Member

    Messages:
    956
    Likes Received:
    2
    Listen to them and get a lawyer now. If everything goes uncontested then fine but why not cover yourself. A lawyer can provide a lot of advice about what you need to document, etc. Oh and as someone who has had a spouse cheat on them, I feel for you. Just don't leave it up to chance get the paperwork and sign in front of a notery. That way when he does change his mind on what he wants it will be too late. Strike now while guilt is still consuming him, trust me.
     
  18. Aristartle

    Aristartle Snow Falling on Cedars Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    13,828
    Likes Received:
    14
    do a search on your computer for logs. Usually instant messaging apps have log files and save conversations.
     
  19. fountains of nay

    fountains of nay Planet Nayhem!

    Messages:
    6,218
    Likes Received:
    4
    Absolutely, I couldn't agree more with you!
     
  20. dawn_sky

    dawn_sky Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    As for the uncontested divorce -- I have known one woman who got an uncontested divorce with a child. If I remember correctly, I think the custody and whatnot was taken care of in a separate hearing. But the official divorce and division of property was easily taken care of since they agreed to the terms on their own. But, for all I know, that varies by state.

    However, consulting a lawyer for advice is not a bad idea. Even if you are able to do the uncontested divorce, the lawyer can advise you on the forms you need and whatnot... And s/he's there if your lowlife soon-to-be-ex decides to mess with you some other way.

    And, the more I think about it, if he's vindictive enough to mess with your files in retaliation for you erasing his manga, I wouldn't be so surprised if he surprised you with how nasty he can get in a divorce...

    Finally, as to the logs -- I think that would be worth bringing your computer into a computer repair place to have them recover them. Hopefully you won't need it, but I always prefer to be safe rather than sorry. I'd suggest calling around to some local repair places -- I'll admit I'm biased against Best Buy (my fiance is a computer geek, which is where I get that), but I would be afraid that something like their Geek Squad would be less adept at less common problems like that, though you may get lucky and find a true geek working there until s/he finds something better!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice