Poems from the Pit

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[font=&quot]The Pit[/font]
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[font=&quot]In the never-ending blackness of the bottomless pit,[/font]
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[font=&quot] daemons howl, flesh is ripped[/font]
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[font=&quot] self is stalked by rabid jackals [/font]
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[font=&quot]ears all full of their deafening cackles[/font]
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[font=&quot]infinite space all around[/font]
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[font=&quot] in one small, frail place, mind tightly bound [/font]
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[font=&quot]with fine steel wire so razor sharp[/font]
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[font=&quot]tighter, tighter, the mind shorn apart [/font]
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[font=&quot]the jackals' cackles turn to glee[/font]
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[font=&quot] as they close in [/font]
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[font=&quot]for their feast[/font]
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[font=&quot] of me[/font]
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[font=&quot]Freewill
The Mythical Ideal[/font]
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[font=&quot]Largely determined, but with a spirit for freedom
The "I" of the mind turns upon itself
Not the warped reflections of external mirrors
But
from within
This one aspect of brain/self
With a seeing that is not visual
Looks upon the determined self
And seeks to change age old aspects of mind/self
But
The mirrors of the soul are ancient and many
And the defenses of the heart have the strength of eons
Adolescent consciousness questing for freedom
is guided by young cognition, and infant reason
But
Too often this quest becomes a war!
And aye
I
have been
to lonnnNNGGGG
A SOLDIER!!![/font]
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Brilliant, just like your other one (We The Sheeple).


In that thread, you mentioned this one (The Pit) was a literal expression of a psychotic episode. I take it you don't mind talking personally since you overtly mentioned it, so if it's all right with you, I'm going to dig a little deeper on this one.

How do these psychotic episodes come on? Would you say they deserve the label "psychotic" (as in the clinical sense)? Was it drug induced? A flash back of some kind? How vivid was the one down in the pit?

Also, what does the line from your other poem "I have been to lonnnNNGGGG
A SOLDIER!!!" mean?

 

Good poetry! I really enjoy reading your work.

Peace and love

 

thank youi gib, and actually the pit internal imagery was still relatively low but nevertheless during thise episodes the outside world ceased to be of any importance, it was there if I opened my eyesbut it was nearly entirely unattended to, my mind was at war, on a battlefield impossible, sensations clearly not a direct result of any "physical" sensory modality would occur, such as "feeling the fabric of mind", so yes clinically psychotic in my opinion, oh and that of the veterans administration as well, whose malpractice I eventually had no choice but submit to.
a soldier? yes of course a soldier, I have been at war with this disorder overlong.
sine cera

 

thank you dear lady, I believe you'll like "Flip In" this one really blew my mind, the first stanza was written as single lines to a chat room while falling asleep at the keyboard, the next day I felt compelled to write and sat down without a single forthought out came the second, visual symetry and all. blew me away.
sine cera

 

So then, you get this psychotic episodes pretty intensely, I take it. Is it like a bad trip - you know, you're so sucked into it that not only can't you remember where the real world went, but you can't escape the one you're being pulled into no matter how hard you try?


Do your days as a soldier have anything to do with them? You speak metaphorically about being a soldier, but is it just a metaphore or also a partial continuation - at least in your mind?

Please let me know if these questions are too personal - I'll understand.

 

Brother I figure I'm just gonna have to ask you to be patient on some of your questions, before I screw up and miscommunicate myself, I don't know maybe I already did by prematurely revealing what I did, but you know something that is of a level of conviction in me, such as to qualify as a "first principle" is the need for authenticity, and transparancy in human interpersonal communications. It amazes me how much trouble this causes me, but nevertheless, I persist. I don't really know what to think of that anymore, doesn't seem to be very adaptive.
but back to attempting to deal with your questions. In "the Pit" the level of internal imagery was relatively low, this was pretty early about 2 years after MDD (manic depressive disorder) majorly destroyed my life. but yes, as the events related are not happening in "objective" reality, it is considered a psychotic component of the disorder. there is a poem I wrote that is a synopsis of my experience with MDD, read "Comes the Tolling", this one I determined the framework for but again "the muse" brought out the words. Oh I can answer this as well, I don't mind talking about it, people with it need to very much, as the so called professional community currently, by and large, have no clue.
sine cera

 

LOL apparantly I had compose reply open in two tabs, and forgot that I had already replied to your previous questions, so consider the above a continuation of answering the first, and I'll adress the one about the soldier metaphor and bad trips asap, for now I"ll post "Comes the Tolling" and then I need to be off to work for a bit.

 

I eagerly anticipate your response. I have a ton of questions for you.